Thursday, November 27, 2008

Bag claim

Waiting at baggage claim. Dalton just said "I gotta pee, get my bag it's black with a tag."
There are now 400 bags I need to claim.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

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Wednesday, November 26, 2008

HARVEY MILK

Today I stumbled upon this quote. So, I just rudely lifted this directly from Heroes n Hunks.com; this is where I get my daily comic book fix.

"Somewhere in Des Moines or San Antonio there is a young gay person who all the sudden realizes that he or she is gay; knows that if their parents find out they will be tossed out of the house, their classmates will taunt the child, and the Anita Bryant’s and John Briggs’ are doing their part on TV. And that child has several options: staying in the closet, and suicide. And then one day that child might open the paper that says “Homosexual elected in San Francisco” and there are two new options: the option is to go to California, or stay in San Antonio and fight. Two days after I was elected I got a phone call and the voice was quite young. It was from Altoona, Pennsylvania. And the person said “Thanks”. And you’ve got to elect gay people, so that thousands upon thousands like that child know that there is hope for a better world; there is hope for a better tomorrow. Without hope, not only gays, but those who are blacks, the Asians, the disabled, the seniors, the us’s: without hope the us’s give up. I know that you can’t live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And you, and you, and you, and you have got to give them hope."

-Harvey Milk, 1978

In 1987 I found an article at the library. It was about the life of Harvey Milk. Up until I found this magazine, I really thought I was the only gay person on the planet. Reading this passage saved my life. Seriously, saved my life.
This is really what Thanksgiving is about.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008



It's BFFCarl cat.

SHOP TILL YA DROP

Captain Fuzz dragged me shopping again. We spent way to much time looking for the "perfect steak." The man knows his beef. That's why he chose me. Funny, they had all of these Angus beef steak stickers everywhere.



Hours... hours he walked around like this.

Monday, November 24, 2008

The call

Every year I get the call. So why this year I was blind sited, no clue. The IPhone started ringing Basshunter, I picked up and it was Mom. Damn! It was her twice yearly call to get me to come home. To have a nice Mormon Thanksgiving.

The Mom used every trick to have me join the passive-aggressive clan. It would of worked but fear is an amazing motivator. In mere seconds I spun a web of deceit, of an utter amazing lock tight alibi. Whooo.. that was a close one, a lie will set you free. Apparently I’m feeding children or releasing wolves back into the wild or feeding children to wolves. I said it was quick, not good. Yes, I lied to my mom. But this is after years of having the conversations and arguments about this topic. About my life, asking then demanding respect for my partners and myself. This really has not helped more then getting me hoarse. In the end I make a choice. Do I fight against their belief that if I show up, open my mouth around their kids they will be somehow turned septic? Or….. just say “No thank you.”
Chicken shit? Yeah. But so is, "Steve can come, but someone needs to tell him not to bring any of those friends."

I’ll be joining my real family for a great Turkey day over at Frank and Kevin’s. Family is not what is thrust upon you, as much as the family you create.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

What I have to live with.

Friday, November 21, 2008

The League Of Lesbians

The Lesbians are swarming today. This time it’s about fact that they’re going to die due to co-workers with the sniffles, and winter, and… well pretty much everything today.
The temperature dropped in Denver last night, so imagine that ice formed on the steps outside. The Vegan “almost died” by slipping in her sensible shoes. They huddled together talking about how it was probably a man that chose to not put salt on the icy sidewalk. She then moved on to winter, and how it’s dried out her skin so much that she keeps needing to slather her pasty skin with lotion. Reminding me of Cassandra O'Brien Dot Delta Seventeen.

Meanwhile the Lesbian Lysol Lecture continues on how Lysol must be reapplied like straight girls reapply lipstick. If not, we’re all going to get the flu. “Why wouldn’t you get a flu shot Steve?”
I was asked yesterday, like I had drug a dead cat into the office to use as a Rolodex.
“If not to keep yourself healthy, than your office mates.”
Wow, who knew I was putting the league of lesbians at risk for the rhinovirus? She cocked her head and walked away as I responded that I was immortal, and human illness cannot pass through my metal skin. If ya don’t have an answer, confuse the hell out of them. That’s what I always say.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Thanksgiving is only a week away! Yippy! Damn, I love Turkey Day. My favorite part is getting up early and running to the TV and turning on Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. To sit in front of the tube, in my underwear with a bowl of Capt’n Crunch watching the parade march through Harold Square. This is a major source of happiness that gets me through the years.
Now, I would like to share this with someone. But, the excitement of the parade seems not to be shared with that many people. In years past, Dalton my Ex, would encourage me to act like a kid and watch but did not, however need a play by play description retold to him every five minutes. Fuzzy now just suggests that I should shove “the parade” where my Broadway meets my 34th street.

Still, every year I sit on the rug. Watching the piped in music, the lip-syncing B-list celebrates and the badly re-envisioned children’s cartoons I’ve never heard of. This is what makes this day special for me. To recall every year I’ve sat down and looked at the Macy’s department store be used as a backdrop for a timeless piece of our lives. Even when Dalton took me to Macy’s and brought me out of the entryway into Harold’s Square and I saw just a dirty traffic filled street. For me this bit of a morning holds all the magic in the world.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I saw this on Towleroad just now.
Sadly, it made my day.

GYM UPDATE

A couple of things happened at the gym as of late. the first being that I was spotting Fuzzy on bench press when I noticed that via the mirrors a guy was cruising me hard. Cool! I thought, then as I realized that his smirk wasn’t a “hey, you’re hot “smirk but an “I think that special needs child just wet himself” smirk. “Uh, what’s going on?” Started to wandered across my tiny, misshapen brain. That’s when my ears started to twitch like a bunny rabbits and heard Miley Siris finish singing See You Again. Was I singing this out loud? No I was reenacting the entire song with hand movements, hair tosses, and hip sways. Well, there goes the cool Steve act. Thanks Michael.

Last week I ramped up my weight on Traps and Lats. That’s the top of your shoulder and your back, by the way. I started a set of shrugs with a lot more weight than I was used to, or was prepared for. Let me tell you it hurt like a motherfucker. Into my third rep I started to see white bursts of light around my vision, like fireworks or when Wile E. Coyote gets an anvil. I was oohing and awing until I thought that this is neither normal nor healthy. I really didn’t want to reenact a scene from the Animatrix and wake up in a gooey slime. On the other hand my shoulders are beginning to pop.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

CHEESEMAN PARK

Here’s a great story from Cheeseman Park, the big gay park here in Denver. Back before the Interwebs this is where you’d go to “hook up.” Back in the day I’d drive around this park for hours in my ’83 Supra wearing Z. Cavariccis and Structure ties. My BFF Jamie would drive around in his Ferio, talking via our fake mobile phones. I’m sure I went through three copies of Janet Jacksons, Rhythm Nation.
But, let’s not dwell on the twink version of StevieB. Back when I wore 30” jeans and a flat belly. It’s always been told that our cruising park was once a cemetery and that thousands of bodies were left after the city just removed the headstones and made a city park. The stories of guys on their knees, sucking dick just to realize they were in a depression cause by a caved in casket. So, last week the AP and Channel 4 released this story…

http://www.cbs4denver.com/video/?id=49083@kcnc.dayport.com

DENVER (AP) — Couples chatted, children played and joggers hustled past gardens on an unseasonably warm November day at Cheesman Park.
Few knew that the grounds in the center of Denver were once the final resting place for at least 4,200 of the city's earliest residents, according to historical records.
That past literally came up again last week when a construction crew building a parking garage at the nearby Denver Botanic Gardens unearthed two rows of caskets.
Investigators determined that workers had stumbled upon part of a frontier-town cemetery laid out by city founder Gen. General William Larimer, who had acquired the land — an Arapahoe Indian burial ground — in 1858. The land was later divided into different cemeteries for Protestants, Roman Catholics and Jews.
As Denver grew in the 1880s, city officials decided to turn the cemeteries into a park, which was later split into two. In August 1893, they gave the relatives of those buried in the Protestant cemetery, today's Cheesman Park, 90 days to remove their loved ones' remains.
Other remains near the botanic gardens and modern-day Congress Park were removed by 1923, and 8,600 remains from the Catholic cemetery were moved in 1950 to make room for the botanic gardens — where the estimated 40 caskets were found Friday.
"Nobody had a map of where the bodies really were," Chief Deputy Coroner Michelle Weiss-Samaras said.
Most of the caskets found Friday were collapsed and empty, though some contained finger or toe bones. One held a nearly intact set of remains with the skull and some larger bones missing — evidence of a botched effort to remove the skeleton, Weiss-Samaras said.
Investigators combed through the caskets before determining that all remains had been recovered and allowing the construction to continue. The remains were taken to another cemetery, where they will be buried in one casket.
"We don't know who they are," Weiss-Samaras said. "There's no way to say how many people there are."
Larry Conyers, an archaeology professor at the University of Denver, said he has found several caskets in Cheesman Park with a ground-penetrating radar he used to find Roman temples in Jordan, a Christian church in Tunisia and a buried Mayan village in El Salvador.
"We checked an area of the park, where you can see these indentations in the ground, maybe an inch or two of settling," Conyers said. "We didn't find anything. Then we moved our radar antennae to other areas and we found all kinds of caskets, adult caskets, children caskets."
Conyers now uses a 30-by-30 foot area of the park to train his students.
Those enjoying Cheesman on Tuesday were unfazed by the discovery.
"It adds character to the park," said Brandon Styles, an artist who was there with friend Anna Maestas and his Chihuahua, Jim Bob.
Conyers suggested that the next of kin of those buried in the park have likely passed on.
"So what if people are playing Frisbee and having a picnic there?" he said. "There are no relatives moaning and groaning that they have their relatives being lost in the area."
He suggested a sign advising people of the park's history as a cemetery.
Weiss-Samaras said there were such no immediate plans.
"We just want to make sure that any remains that are uncovered are treated with the same respect as if they were buried there yesterday," she said.

Monday, November 17, 2008

TALKING BACON

We went out Saturday night. But, I guess that Fuzzy was tired on the way into town. As we headed south on the highways fast lane I heard a huge snore rattle from his side of the car. One of those huge snores that you let out when you’ve fallen asleep even when you didn’t realize it. Now he does this all the time so I don’t think much of it. I wouldn’t in this case either but he happened to be the one driving. So here you are driving southbound on I-25 your Homosexual life partner just let out a snore. Because he’s sound asleep. Going 75MPH. He did wake up.

Hey, here’s talking bacon.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Obummer

My Obama bumper sticker came in the mail today! I’m very excited, I’m gonna rush out and affix this puppy to my bumper right now. Thanks MoveOn.org, not so much on the timely mail, are ya?




On Tuesday we spent the afternoon at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Denver. The collections were great as usual. I snapped some pictures of the building. Never try to be sly and take pictures in a museum. You just might get an uber Dyke reminding you of your status in life.




And here’s a ubiquitous, self-serving picture of your handy StevieB. I’ve lost 10 pounds, for thoughs of you that are keeping tack at home. This was due to not driving through Taco Bell twice a week. I’m just saying that’s all.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Can I get a lube?

Tuesday was Veterans day. What did you do to celebrate The Great Wars Armistice? I turned a service technician at my local Dodge/Jeep dealer gay.

I had the day off so I figured that it would be a great time to take the ol’jeep in for an oil change. The dealership is in a rural area, so there was several trucks already in line when I pulled up. We all ended up in the waiting room, drinking coffee. The farmers watching Good morning America and I clicked away on the Iphone.
After awhile a technician came in and shouted a random name. He repeated this several times until I realized that it happened to be Fuzzy’s last name.
“Oh, sorry that’s me!”
“You don’t know your name?” he said in a half joking manner.
“No..I mean, yes… I do… It just that the service order must have been placed under the other half’s name.“ Fuzz takes his truck here as well.
He looked at me puzzled. “The other half? It says XXXXX here?” (He barked Fuzzy’s full name)
I realized what was about to happen, you have to make a choice. Do you bring this small town good ol’boy into the 21 century, or realize that you haven’t had a shower yet and just want to get out of the Service/Parts department as quickly as possible.
“Ya, he’s my partner.”
The look on his face was shared by the whole waiting room, one of odd bewilderment. The trying to place the phrase “business” in front of partner, thinking ohhhh..... business partner. Maybe they own the local Feed and Seed. Then one by one they just gave up and settled for a look a fifty year old gets when they just smelled stinky cheese. The Service Tech. started to look at the work order. He started to think upon how he let a Homosexual’s oil run from their crank case on to his hands. Shooting out right by his face. OH, GOD! I was inside a Homo’s vehicle?!
This is where he looked up at me and realized that he had caught the gay. Like tag, and I had just touched his back as he ran away. I slipped the paperwork out of his stunned hands and turned to pay.
“What is this 1955?”
The poor service guy still standing there, rolling his fate around in his head. I’m sure by noon he was down at the mall in buying flip-flops.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Smurfs up!





They're getting the Thanksgiving balloons ready!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Lesbians and the land of Cubicals

So at my job I sit in a sea of cubicles, all day surrounded by Lesbians. Hordes of them, herds of them. Swarming around like politically minded, well dressed wolves. They approach and rattle off stuff like
“Did you see that sub-committee for the legislator just cut funding of the Glenn-Beck finance bill by 4.793495959595% like that’s going to fly.”
“Uh…..yes? I have 19” arms.”

It is kinda nice to be a minority, me being the only male and yet being a Moe. As they discuss Golf I can just space out and start to think of fun things I want to buy, and no one thinks less of me. Today the Alfa, We call her Diana Shore, came to let me know that the “group” is supporting two families for Thanksgiving. I asked
“do you want me to bake a pie?” I guess this shows weakness in the Lesbian community. Because, she let me know that she did not want me to bake anything…. Ever. This must be a Sappho euphemism, I later wrote a sticky note,(Don't talk about pie!)

This is clearly forced volunteerism. They are helping the homeless or “challenged” members of our tribe and I’m coming along, with cans of green beans. So look at me, I’m all civic minded. I’m sure soon I’ll get to blog about putting up the Hanukkah-Kwanza-winter solstices Non-religious holiday decorations.

Monday, November 10, 2008

LIGHTS

I should of realized the type of weekend I was going to have when I called home half-way through my Friday. I asked what Fuzzy was doing, to which he sleepily replied.
“ Watching…… a movie, show…. about Jewish Christmas.”
Oy, There’s nothing so heart warming then the magical time of Jewish Christmas. The lights, the songs, to see the blue and silver trees up in the malls.

Well, this year I’m getting a jump on Gay Christmas. Yes, I am aware of the date. We’re still weeks away from Thanksgiving. But, I ain’t letting the season get by without doing every damn thing Christmasish. That’s why I dragged Fuzzy to buy outside “Holiday” lights. We can’t call them Christmas lights or Captain Fuzz freaks out. And, Just so you know, icicle lights were “so last year.”

We ended up spending way too much time in the Christmas isle. Apparently some lights gave Fuzz flashbacks of his Ex and some remind me of my Mormon Dad yelling for the hammer to drive the last ring-shank nail into a five foot cross on top of our house. When I was eight, I snuck out in the middle of the night to pull one of out one of those nails just to have the cross glow at an angle. Christmas eve found us with a huge glowing “X” on our roof.

We picking up and set down no less then four types of lights and “outing” a sixteen year-old to his grandmother. But, seriously we saved her from wrapping gold garland around her trailers front porch. They should thank us. We settled on a blue and white snowflake motif . A gay winter electric wonderland. And since they’re LED they’re bright as fuck. I’m going for peaceful and serene but keeps the neighbors awake all night from the glare. Fuzzy is now saying that I have to wait until after Thanksgiving to put them up. Seriously? It’s getting dark a 4:30PM there’s little old neighbor ladies that need their retinas scarred.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Hey, here's some pics of the 2010 Mustang. Small but F&%$kin cool changes. Found these on Motortrend.com


Friday, November 7, 2008

PROP 8 GREETING CARDS

I went to get some greeting cards at the Hallmark store. Boy, they are really behind the times. I couldn’t find a single “Sorry about the state mandated dissolvement of your happy union” cards. Or the “SO, YOUR GAY! WELCOME TO SECOND CLASS CITIZENSHIP” Cards to send to friends in California. I thought they had a card for every occasion.

I was hoping to find a couple of cute little cards maybe with fuzzy woodland creatures saying things like...

So sorry you’re quite annoyed. The state of California made your marriage, null and void.

or

When you got married it was a lovely affair. But the right wing bigots came to rip and tear. Now that the Mormons waged a marriage attack, you can't be married, can I have the toaster back.



Then they could make a series of Arnold Schwarzenegger cards.

Proposition 8 will protect marriage. A fantasy in a horse drawn carriage. Heaven forbid that two men are sublime. We've made your happy union, a crime. Our "normal" marriages have the highest divorce rate. I guess we just wanted to spread the hate.


Thursday, November 6, 2008

And here's some Mormon missionaries to try and convert you...


Why do you make me talk to her?

So, how’s your life after the election. Mine is FUCKING FANTASTIC! Other than prop. 8 in Cali that is. I got a call last night from the Mom. Why do I talk to that woman? I had avoided any contact from her when I heard that her Mormon Church was collecting money to "stop perversion in California.” Yeah, right. Seriously. It was one of “those” talks. It went something like this:

No, we did not just elect a “Muslin.” As that would mean the president is a thin plain-weave cotton fabric.

No. Actually there are numerous polls and data that shows that race was not a factor. Age was more of a factor. Just to show that people in their 70s should be ground up into Soylent Green (she's 70.)

No. I can assure you that “Shag” will not be installed in the Oval Office. Those words are not allowed to be spoken to me. (Not shag... she used the “N” word.)

Yes. I’m sure you are happy that the Mormon Church “defended marriage.” Denying your third son the simple right, that your other six children have of growing old with someone is an amazing Mormon Cru'de'tet. (Yes I know, I said amazing Mormon appetizer.) I thought it was funny, mostly because she didn’t get it.

Her response?

*CLICK*

When you remind a Mormon who is spouting off about “Family Values” that they’re a bunch of polygamist hypocrites. You’ll get that, check this out:


I think we’re done taking for a while. I didn’t think to bring up a couple of things just to piss her off. This is from Denver’s channel four, Thanks Jerrod.
"Republican Rep. Marilyn Musgrave [author of the federal gay marriage ban] lost her bid for a fourth term as Democrats surged across Colorado, picking up two congressional seats and delivering nine electoral votes to Barack Obama.

The Democratic tide in Colorado also appeared to include election of the nation's first openly gay non-incumbent, Jared Polis, in a left-leaning district with an open seat."

Who is Jared Polis?




Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A MURDER OF DRAG QUEENS

I’ve decided that it’s much easier to wait in the Wendy’s drive through then park the damn car and walk my lazy ass in and talk to Wendy. I decided this today at lunch. Even though the times I’ve been I to this particular location I’ve had a hamburger and a show. The manager, who has eyebrows like Artha Kitt only hires 18 year olds that someday will hatch from club kid larvae into beautiful drag queens. I call them “The Wendys.”
There’s a herd, or bunch, or gaggle, or a murder of them. A murder of drag queens. Nowhere else can you get a BLT salad and find glitter in it. When I order there’s three of them on the line giving me the “Care Bear Stare.” Rainbows shooting from what’s left of their eyebrows.















As much as I love drag chrysalis, little pupae in Scissor Sister T-shirts ready to come forth. This means I have to turn off the IPod and go inside, and during lunch I’m usually listening to pod casts like The Feast of Fools or Geeky NPR news. And ya’know I’m fine just waiting in the drive through. Unless you count the other day when The Feast of Fools was talking about anal health and I had the top down on the Jeep.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

ELECTION DAY

The only way we're going to make it through election day is with David Bowie.....


Monday, November 3, 2008

Go Broncos

I went to the dentist last week. Never go to a medical facility on Halloween. The receptionist was dressed as a zombie, Feeling uneasy about getting dental work and then giving your insurance card to the undead, it’s a little uncomfortable. This is a new dentist, as my cute little gay dentist retired to move to Hawaii. Selfish. He gave his practice to Dr. Straight-Mormon. I’ll be the first to say that I’m a Gay Ghetto gay. I want to give my money to my people. I honor and respect people that can say “being gay is just a part of my whole being.” Oooooh, get her!

This was my second visit. Both times as I tried unsuccessfully to fit my wide frame into the tiny chair Dr. Straight-Mormon asked,

“So are ya watching the Broncos?

This is the Denver Broncos, the NFL, American Football team he’s referencing. As he asks this I feel the urge to roll my eyes. What I want to say is that I do not enjoy watching Millionaires play an insignificant game. Why does a huge sum of our taxes go to build and maintain a stadium that is used to entertain a small minority? Why when the NFL makes record profits year after year does the city supplement this team and the stadium. Why does this small minority get support and the culture and arts base in this city have to struggle. Our libraries have to close on certain days to save money and yet the owner of the Broncos has what is pretty much a Lobbyist to get funds so that no “out of pocket” funds have to come from him.

Denver has no Symphony hall yet we have football players getting arrested monthly. So NO! I do not watch the Broncos. I don’t watch them because I believe in this city and want to see light rail grow. Not expand the parking structure around the stadium for tailgate parties. That and, it’s homoerotic, watched by Homophobes.

But as Dr. Straight-Mormon asks this he shoves a mirror on a stick into my mouth so all I can do is mutter “uuuugh- uuum.”