CABIN FEVER

I think I have cabin fever. Working from home the last two days due to Denver’s first snowstorm has caused my credit card some serious damage. This is due to the fact that I keep buying underwear and music online. All day. Now, I have a 4X4 so….I guess I could go to work and to the gym. But, it’s all cold and ya’know snowy… and stuff.

This has nothing to do with my backed up Netflix cue and the dog…he needs me.

My offical desk for work and buying 2xist undies.

SNOW DAY!

Woo-Hoo! Snow day. I'm off to make snow angels.

SPOT

I don’t read our local town’s newspaper. Mostly because I don’t care that much about agricultural and crop news. That and it’s written horribly. If I wanted to read bad run on sentences I’d read my own.

Yesterdays lead story was about a husband and wife that delivered their third child on the living room rug. It went on to say how the extended family all “helped” to bring their new baby boy into the world. I pictured years from now the Mother screaming “You kids stop playing with Stanley's spot and go out to the back yard!”

I figured they would name him Stanley, because next to the article was an add for Stanley Steemer, the carpet cleaning professionals. Their tag line? We can get out any stain.

NICE TO SEE STEVIEB...IN THE DARK

The power went out at Southfork last Saturday night. I didn’t notice until Fuzzy walked up with a lit candle in his hand. This was because I was watching excessive amounts of Doctor Who on the laptop via Netflix and, he wanted to scare the crap out of me. After some missed woo pitching we hung out in the street with the neighbors until I thought “Jerrod works for 911! Let’s call him to complain!” He claimed it wasn’t his fault but, he was helpful in letting us know that the power company would have us lit within that hour.

I only bring this up in case you ask about the bruise on my shin. Also because I spent the next darkened hour going through my iPhoto files to find some photos to share. Cool hu?

Dalton snapped this one in 2006, it was a bathroom wall in Brooklyn, NY.


God loves black dick! I think I’ve found my 2009 Christmas card.



This is from some White Party…somewhere…sometime…



I’ve never noticed my friend, Frank in the background. It’s like he’s saying:
“Look in to my eyes, look directly into my eyes, not around my eyes…directly into my eyes!” Sorry, too much Little Britain.


Have you ever posed with a bronze sculpture? Been to say, Benjamin Franklin's house and took a picture of you next to a six foot tall Ben. Or stood next to a mannequin of someone famous? Then wondered why?



Here’s a great picture of Jerrod posing next to an UNDISCLOSED gentleman who just had a Prince Albert piercing. It’s like he’s at Disney Land.

And that was a tour around Stevie's iPhotos. Good buys!

DJ Bill Bennett

Best new album for the gym, his rhythm will get you through your workout.



Big Muscle of the rhythm. Buy it Amazon or iTunes.

Check out his site at DJ Bill Bennett.com

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW COMRADE?

Here’s a great article from English Russia.com showing that you can stick a cell tower anywhere. Even in an Ukrainian monument to the Motherland’s war dead. Read the artical here.

STEZZIE B.

I received this E-mail from my friend Michelle yesterday. Raven is her three year old, who I recently bought a pink, play vacuum as a birthday present.

*Sigh*
Today Raven called you Stevie not Stezzie… damn it. She's figured it out. And then when I asked her to repeat what she said she called you 'Steve"… um, WTH.

I hate that she's growing up so fast …
I love you - very much.
Michelle

I don’t think I can handle with a three year old calling me Steve. It seems she's smarter then me. Well...besides the obvious.

StevieB. is on a mission

My strong ethical standing and moral character stems from my youth serving missions for The Church of Latter-Day Saints. Here’s just a glimpse of what I learned…..

PLUG IN PLASTIC CRAP

There are thirty-five days until I get to put up the Christmas lights. So, only thirty four more days of bugging the other half about putting up the Christmas lights. I love this time of year.

We were standing in the back isle of our local Gay Target, I was pondering about the taste level of animatronic, glowing willow moose. At what point do light up holiday wildlife become tacky? I asked out loud. It was a rhetorical question but was also answered by Fuzzy. At any point. You smack down plug-in anything in a front yard, and you’ve just crossed a threshold, the one that says, a trip to Branson, Missouri might be fun. A fanny pack would keep you organized. Then you’re a short hop to being upset because you have to dress up to go to Wal-Mart.

Now I’m thinking “understated elegance” is the way to go.

GYM TALK WITH TRIX THE RABBIT

This is an open apology for the guy I cut off turning into the gym on Friday. There’s not an excuse for driving unsafe around a sport bike. Even though you were trying to turn in to the 24hour fitness on Alameda’s parking lot whilst checking your text messages, I could have been more aware. I’ve been crazy on sport bikes and owned a street bike and I cannot imagine the skill level you must possess being able to ride a Honda CBR, down-shifting in flip-flops. With head phones on. I understand why you could not signal, with all the texting you were doing and having to maintain your head just right to not break your spiked up hair. Sorry. I hope your Abercrombie shirt comes clean.


I’m kind of done with the 24hour gym on Alameda. When did it turn from Gay to Pretentious Tool? I’ve also discovered that the guys at the 24hour on Yale are more College Jock and less tweezed eyebrow. Not that there’s anything wrong with a “shaped brow.” I’m thinking that the next big thing on the dance circuit will be the muscle gays shaving off their brows and painting them on. With sharpies.

A whole sea of guys bouncing up and down. Looking like Trix the Rabbit.

I think I need more coffee.

GIGANTIC 陰茎

Another new T-shirt from Crank...


It's funny cuz it's true. Buy it here.

Baby Jesus Versus The Zombies

shoebox.com

I went zombie clothes shopping yesterday. That was a first. Mighty Dalton is gunna zombie it up this Halloween. I still haven’t decided what to do, I hate Halloween. We spent an hour a The Wizards Chest last night with Dalton holding up dozens of costumes saying “you could be a spaceman. You like spacemen. Or, how about Spiderman?” Like I was ten. Then again I was acting like I was ten, stomping my feet pouting “I wanna be a Green Lantern.” This is why I hate Halloween; it takes me back to Mrs. Conn’s fifth grade class at Montfort Elementary School, when the whole class laughed at me for coming as a witch. A gay male witch. What? I liked the hat.

Aim for their heads, Baby Jesus!

BACK TO WORK

Wow, yesterday was frickin amazing! After having one too many twenty buck cocktails at Pam Ann, I slept in. I mean really slept in. I awoke to the dog holding a mirror under my nose. I still made it the gym but, barely. The remains of the day were spent at Daz Bog on 9th. Drinking my fill of coffee.

Pam Ann was great, although there were one too many drunken flight attendants that felt they could just walk on stage. Way to go, SouthWest. I was completely bummed that they did not have T-shirts for sale. Really? Now how can I record my flight? I have nothing to add to my Dixie Longate shirt, Atlantis cruise bag, and sixty leather bar T-shirts. Maybe they sell them online.

Today it’s back to work; I really don’t like to talk about work on here. Mostly because it’s boring as hell and I work for a branch of the military, the one with the boats. I help people comprehend the craziness that is HR. But, today was just too amazing not to share. I recieved a call from a crazy woman, that may or may not has been drinking. She was at a front gate of a military base and called me to get onto the base to fill out an application for a civilian position. Like the US military is like JC Penney’s. There’s a box of applications next to the missiles. She wanted me to “come down to the gate” and let her in. After quite a while of trying to explain the “on line” process, she stated:

“Look idiot! I want to make a good impression. I don’t wanta do nothing online. Just let me in!”

“Huh.” I said. “I have to say your idea of a good impression is questionable. “ I didn’t have time to explain that she was calling me hundreds of miles away, because she hung up on me.

PAM ANN

To night's the night. The big date to go see Pam Ann at the Paramount Theater, Denver. We'll see you there. Or, check out her tour.

1492

I don’t know much about Christopher Columbus. Other then that took a bunch of money from Sigourney Weaver and went to spread STD’s across the frickin universe. Complete bastard if you ask me.

But it’s because of this Spanish douche that I get the day off. So, I’m in bed nursing a disco hangover. Not because I drank, more from waiting all last night for the DJ to play Jody Watley at BackTracks.

Tracks was the dance club here in Denver from the early ‘80s to the late ‘90s. and were you would of found our protagonist in a Hyper Color T-shirt spinning around on the dance floor to Jody Watley. Now, Back Tracks is charity event for the Colorado Aids Project. A annul dance to raise funds, and for Steve to run in to every ex-boyfriend from ’93 to ’99. Good times.
Nina Flowers and a bevy of Drag Queens performed ’70 and 80’s hits. But, the whole night…..no Jody Watley. So, today I really know how Christopher Columbus felt at Salamanca, being unable to see Queen Isabella.

NOW AVAVIBLE FOR ATARI

Atari labelmaker

Rocky Mountain Oysters

I have a fondness for obscure old style dinners and road houses. Knowing this my other half took me out to dinner last night to The Pepper Pod, in bountiful downtown Hudson, Colorado. The Pepper Pod is the “fancy” restaurant for folks that lives in any of the small towns North-East of Denver. Another good name for it would have been The Off Ramp Inn.

I can always tell the great shape of a restaurant by how many white farm trucks are out front; this place had a full lot. This probably was due to the restaurant being famous for their Rocky Mountain Oysters. This delicacy is the…..well….they’re “a North American culinary name for edible offal, specifically buffalo or bull testicles. They are usually peeled, coated in flour, pepper and salt, sometimes pounded flat, and then deep-fried. This delicacy is most often served as an appetizer.” *

I had the salad.

I did get to dine under this great fellow….



Throughout dinner I kept looking up to see if he was watching me. He was. Dinner was actually amazing; I had two trips to the salad bar shaped like a chuck wagon and a Ribeye I ordered off of a plank of wood. If you go remember that Wednesday is plaid night. I wasn’t certain but I think you get 10% off if you wear a plaid work shirt.

Bone-apa-teet.


*Wikipedia. Dear God don't google this.The images may make you lose your breakfast.

OCCAM'S RAZOR

I had a lively discussion with a co-worker the other day. We were discussing the process to tackle a problem. They stated something about keeping it simple. I mentioned Occam’s Razor. After getting a puzzled look on their face I explained the principle of Occam’s razor. That when you have two competing theories that the simpler one is the best choice.

After receiving looks of confidence and amazement from the team I felt bad. I didn’t want to confess that I learned about this theory from Lisa Simpson.

FROM THE RED SQUARE TO THE WEST END

We met friends at Red Square Bistro for a vodka themed dinner on Friday. After three seconds in the bar a seemingly random woman swooped down on Fuzzy. Buying him a of shot of Horseradish infused vodka. As Fuzzy is a gentleman, he returned the favor. That's when she asked:

“Do you need a sewing kit? Cuzz you’re ripped!”

I’ve never seen Fuzz speechless….ever. He turned screaming to find me. He had a look on his face that prompted me to say “Show me on the doll where the lady touched you?” Two well groomed guys in an upscale restaurant with no personal space…. That usually equals no chance. Good for her.

Last Saturday, Dalton borrowed Carl’s car. Getting onto the highway he plugged in his iPod and started to jam out. What he didn’t realize was that he soon hit one of the five buttons on the steering wheel. The music went dead. He sat there for awhile wondering what had happened, then without realizing it he said out loud,
“What happened?”
Then suddenly an overly polite Elaine Paige calmly questioned, “Pardon?”
Dalton jumped wondering how the West End star was now asking him to repeat the thought inside his head.
“Uhhhh….sorry.”
“Pardon?” Ms. Paige inquired again.
“Uhmmmm…sor…CANCEL!” Dalton dictated to the cars dashboard.
“Canceling.” Softly cooed the 1985 star of the musical Chess.

When Dalton tried to retell this story, I never heard the ending because I was laughing so hard. Apparently, Dalton hadn’t been properly introduced to Carl’s car. So, this one goes out to Dalton and Carl's car....

5 on the Fifth

See the blogger and the 5 on the fifth site


Coffee!


The dog looks a little smug that he gets to stay in bed.



I've been told you can learn a lot about someone by looking at their bookcase.

Sitting in Denver traffic listening to The Prodigy.

What a page turner.

A huge thanks goes out to Stephen Chapman for a cool project.

THE MERCURY MEN

"Edward Borman, a lowly government office drone, finds himself trapped, when the deadly Mercury Men seize his office building as a staging ground for their nefarious plot. Aided by a daring aerospace engineer from a mysterious organization known as “The League,” Edward must stop the invaders and their doomsday device, the Gravity Engine."




Check out this web series, it looks AMAZING!




The Mercury Men

My own little Chernobyl

I had to stay home sick yesterday. It must have been the swine flu, because all day I craved bacon. Staying home sick means that I have not gone to the gym in two days, hate this. And nothing makes Steve cranky like missing the gym. Speaking of this, I’ve received a couple of E-mails asking how be dedicated in getting to gym. Here’s my thoughts… sometimes you’ll want to do anything instead of the gym. It does not matter. Just put the turn signal, take the exit and go. When you get through the couple of hours taking care of yourself, you know you’re going to be happier. You can whine and make excuses all you want. Just spend the short amount of time and you’re going to be amazed at the changes that will happen.

I was rewarded for my bed rest with two of my favorite things on the planet...after muscle bears and chocolate cake. My love for cheesy, overly produced ghost hunter TV shows and my obsession with Chernobyl. I know, right! A ghost show about Chernobyl. Destination Truth on the See-fie channel.



Just like you I was glued to the TV last night to see the most amazing video of Prypiat ever. You can see the entire episode on the Destination Truth website.

Well… I got to go, I want to finish work early so I can get back to the gym. I still feel like hammered crap, but missing three days of the gym is much worse then a headach.