BREAKUPS ARE HARD TO DO

“What happened to the coffee maker?” I said to the dog as I came home and walked into the kitchen.
“I’m not gonna say but, it was spectacular.” Harley the Shar-Pei said with too much glee in his voice. Uh, oh I thought. When Harley says something was “spectacular” that means a lot of cursing and cussing was involved.
“Fuzz? Uh…did something happen between you and the coffee maker today?” I yelled up the stairs.
“No.”
“Are you sure? It’s no longer in the kitchen. Did the coffee maker move out?”
“We’re not going to talk about the coffee maker!” Fuzzy yelled down the stairs.
“Let’s put it this way. If I were to check the coffee makers Facebook status, would it have under Relationship It’s Complicated or Newly Single?”
“I wouldn’t know, I’ve de-friended the coffee maker, you can continue to message him but, I’m done.” I rolled my eyes in mocking as I said out loud “I’m done.” Italians. “I’m done.”
“Well. I’m sorry to hear about you and the coffee maker. If you want to talk about it I’ll be right here.” Then I raced back into the kitchen to ask the dog what really happened. Apparently, the coffee maker had the audacity to stop working….or maybe break during a critical coffee need. Still spurting out half brewed coffee it got carried to the curb. Whilst Fuzzy was wearing nothing but coffee covered underwear and swearwords.

Tonight, we try to go pick up a hot new coffee maker. Maybe this time in stainless steel. Hot.