An open letter to the other half…
Dear Fuzzy,
First and foremost I’d like to apologize for screeching at you like a crazy person. And on Valentine’s Day too. I apologize because I now understand you are free to make your own choices in this world. You’re an adult. I respect that.
The choice of once again brewing and bring to bed an over sized steaming mug of coffee is yours to make. Might I add a wise one? Drifting off to sleep whilst sipping away at a mug of caffeine overloaded coffee the temperature of the sun is probably what most health people do, who am I to holler that you’re an insane crazy whack-job for this practice.
And as you balanced your oversize cup on your stomach you drifted off to a peaceful slumber. You looked like a sleeping puppy as I jumped from the bed and without provocation started to beat you with several pillows. Violence never solves anything. I know that now.
I now know that there was no way to tell that once you where asleep, still holding on tight to the mug that when you rolled over to hold me the beverage would spill. Not, spill. Pour down on my naked torso. Well, my naked torso, the dog, the sheets, blankets, and everything else in the bedroom once the pillows started flying at your head.
Dear Fuzzy,
First and foremost I’d like to apologize for screeching at you like a crazy person. And on Valentine’s Day too. I apologize because I now understand you are free to make your own choices in this world. You’re an adult. I respect that.
The choice of once again brewing and bring to bed an over sized steaming mug of coffee is yours to make. Might I add a wise one? Drifting off to sleep whilst sipping away at a mug of caffeine overloaded coffee the temperature of the sun is probably what most health people do, who am I to holler that you’re an insane crazy whack-job for this practice.
And as you balanced your oversize cup on your stomach you drifted off to a peaceful slumber. You looked like a sleeping puppy as I jumped from the bed and without provocation started to beat you with several pillows. Violence never solves anything. I know that now.
I now know that there was no way to tell that once you where asleep, still holding on tight to the mug that when you rolled over to hold me the beverage would spill. Not, spill. Pour down on my naked torso. Well, my naked torso, the dog, the sheets, blankets, and everything else in the bedroom once the pillows started flying at your head.
I was way out of control. I’m sorry.
Being jarred awake by your partner screaming bloody murder, the dog pouncing on you manhood as he tries to get away from the coffee tidal wave and the violence that followed is not appropriate for Valentines’ or any day.
The sheets and bed linens where easy to wash, the dog getting a bath at 3AM was kind of romantic. I’m sure the cowering around coffee mugs will eventually stop. Most of all I’m really fond of the pungent, lingering smell of mocha in our bedroom.
So, thank you for another year of…. hot nights in bed.
Steve
Ouch.
ReplyDelete...on multipile levels.
Uhm, todays post should be read with a great deal of snarky sarcasm.
ReplyDeleteSo, no happy ending to yesterday's Valentines celebrations?
ReplyDeleteI hope the new mattress is okay! :-)
ReplyDeleteIn my house, this happens on the couch after long international flights. Only its wine. And I've never actually seen him spill a drop.
it's the coffee's fault
ReplyDelete