Gymuary.... Again

Ah, it's Gymuary again. The seasons just fly by until this time of year when suddenly the gym parking lot is filled with cars and the aimless individual's, in their new $200 control-top Jeggings wander down the middle of the parking lanes attempting to control the new Fitbit heartrate monitors. Inside is more of the same. A line has formed to check in behind a twenty-seven year old who feels the music on the overhead is too up-beat for her cardio time on the elliptical. Meanwhile, no one can hear the music as it is drowned out by the constant drop of plates and dumbbells as the forty-eight year old project engineer drops a 45lb plate on his foot because he was too distracted by his own refection in the mirror to re-rack correctly. 

I know they will all be gone on March 1st. That the "New Year New Me" resolutions will fade way until the next January. It's just silly how this happens every year. Even with the coming two year anniversary of our world wide pandemic, the gym is overrun with the well intentioned. And that's fine; more power to ya! I say go for it. And I hope it last beyond March 1st. But if there only a way for these new gym bunnies to know how to re-rack plates and to not pitch a camp site around a bench the may want to use in two hours time.  My ex would simply kick off the dumbbells use to save the bench (like laying towels down, poolside at a Cancun resort) and start using the bench. If the camper spoke up, the Ex would jab his finder in their space and scream about learning gym etiquette. I do that too; in my mind. But, Ohhhh the looks I give.... roasted. 

 

Gymuary

Oh, Gymuary. It seems that every year I blog about this amazing phenomenon.  For six months, you can toss a dumbbell down the middle of the weight section and not hit a soul. Suddenly, on January 1st there is a warren of gym bunnies hopping around the place. This year; however, I am one of the unkempt masses wandering around a new gym.

I was really excited about by new employment being so close to the 24Hour fitness in Boulder. I reminded me of living in Dallas when I could walk to my gym. As I excitedly walked into my new home-away-from-home it quickly dawned on me, I was attending this new congregation on the first week of January. Just like everyone else.

It is easy to spot the “newbies” in three ways; the easiest is by their plumage. Sweatpants that are a little too tight, since it hasn’t been asked to stretch over the newly expanded frame. The “I just bought new workout gear and it all goes together” guy that’s sporting an all aqua and chartreuse Nike ensemble. Not a single natural fiber on his body, bless.  And my particular favorite way is the “I read a massive amount of information in regard to how to workout in a gym” guy.

And this is were by petty bitchyness kicks in, because with all the information out there on “how’ to lift weights, and all the YouTube videos on pushing plates, there isn’t any information on how to be a considerate gym mate. A lot of YouTube videos will demonstrate how to super-set your routine, yet fails to mention that setting up five stations of weights around benches and stacking bars full of plates may help you, yet pisses off every bro that is forced to work around your inconsiderateness.  Just because you place a towel on a bench does not mean the bench is now your solvent territory. A terrycloth is not a British flag; the weight benches are not India.

Soon Gymuary will over and the routine will become just that, a routine. The dudes that need to utilize their phones to “check-in” with the office from the luxury of the incline bench will either fizzle out, or get tired of taking work calls with me in the background spurting, “Guurl, not a natural fiber on her! Sad.”  Like every year, February has us all back to being good, friendly gym mates.  

Gymuary

We are past the mid-point of Gymuary. The newness of going to the gym has worn off and this week begins the tipping-point where it’s easy to teeter on dedication. The gym shoes may be forgotten in the trunk/boot of the car and instead of coming to the gym, something “more important” maybe thought up as an excuse to not put these new cross trainers on and hit the gym’s rubberized floor.

For the last three weeks the gym has be filled to the breaking point with new members. Whole new waves of preferred members start to stagger in right after January first. This group made New Year’s resolutions to dedicated their time to the gym and pump some iron. This is always done in the effort to start anew on a workout routine and finally get their bodies in shape. The gym calls these folks “preferred members” because they pay the joining fees, then after thirty days never come back to use the facilities. No surprise, the gym prefers it this way.

For three weeks dedication ran high. When a gentleman unracked one side of a bar throwing the bar and its remaining contents onto my foot, I commended his dedication. When pausing between sets on the Preacher Curl Bench and a guy stepped in front of me to toss an empty bar onto the very bench I was using, I applauded his commitment to showing up and swearing his allegiance to the gym. Everyone makes mistakes when starting on a new path, never let it sidetrack resolve.

This will be the week to test the metal. With loyalty wavering, will the gym shoes be left in the trunk of the car? Will Gymuary end and February find these devotees have moved to Preferred Membership, or will they join us? The few, the proud, the Dudes at the gym. I for one, implore you to pull the shoes out of the trunk, strap them on and hit the weights. Before you know it, the excuses will fade and your half-hearted New Year’s resolution will simply be a way of life.