I Choo-Choo-Choose You!

RO-MANIC NITE OUT

As a couple I believe that Fuzzy and I have moved past the high gay, rose petals on the table type of Valentine dinners. That and our combined loathing of corporate restaurants have spurred a new sport in our house. Find the most obscure, oddly kitsch restaurant and go experience the bizarreness.

On Valentine’s Day we found a relic from the heyday of wood paneled steak houses called Gala Gardens. This seventies steak house is where you would of taken your prom date for a lobster dinner before ravishing her in your Chevy Silverado. In 1978. Literally on the other side of the tracks in Commerce City, Colorado the restaurant and lounge is stuck in a time warp. A tacky popcorn ceiling and deep rust carpeted time warp. But with reviews like “This is the kind of place very old people and truckers like to go” We were so in.



Actual diners from the website,

don’t they look like they’re enjoying life?
 In their matching outfits.



After the smell coming from the fish tanks settled in my head, I noticed that I was overdressed for a romantic Valentines Dinner. My dress shirt had sleeves. Apparently the new look this year in this industrial, grain elevator populated suburb to Denver, Co. is NASCAR pit crew vests.



We were shown to a booth next to the waterfall. Well, It was an indoor waterfall and pond in 1980. They’ve since moved to a plastic fern and pastor garden gnome theme. By filling the koi pond with plastic flowers it coordinated better with the missing teeth and pierced eyebrow of our waitress. This was the same waitress when asking about the lobster and prime rib turned to the table next table, picked the surf-n-turf out of the hands of the leather vested gentlemen about to enjoy this delicacy and brought to show us. Now that’s service.

All in all it was an amazing evening. We were there for hours, tried all of the house specialties this side of the Rocky Mountain Oysters and enjoyed the old steak house style of dining. We’ll go back anytime. Where else can you start your meal with an iced tray of radishes and green onion Apéritifs and end with a dessert called Cherry LeBamba.

A MOCHA VALENTINE

An open letter to the other half…


Dear Fuzzy,
First and foremost I’d like to apologize for screeching at you like a crazy person. And on Valentine’s Day too. I apologize because I now understand you are free to make your own choices in this world. You’re an adult. I respect that.

The choice of once again brewing and bring to bed an over sized steaming mug of coffee is yours to make. Might I add a wise one? Drifting off to sleep whilst sipping away at a mug of caffeine overloaded coffee the temperature of the sun is probably what most health people do, who am I to holler that you’re an insane crazy whack-job for this practice.

And as you balanced your oversize cup on your stomach you drifted off to a peaceful slumber. You looked like a sleeping puppy as I jumped from the bed and without provocation started to beat you with several pillows. Violence never solves anything. I know that now.

I now know that there was no way to tell that once you where asleep, still holding on tight to the mug that when you rolled over to hold me the beverage would spill. Not, spill. Pour down on my naked torso. Well, my naked torso, the dog, the sheets, blankets, and everything else in the bedroom once the pillows started flying at your head.

I was way out of control. I’m sorry.

Being jarred awake by your partner screaming bloody murder, the dog pouncing on you manhood as he tries to get away from the coffee tidal wave and the violence that followed is not appropriate for Valentines’ or any day.

The sheets and bed linens where easy to wash, the dog getting a bath at 3AM was kind of romantic. I’m sure the cowering around coffee mugs will eventually stop. Most of all I’m really fond of the pungent, lingering smell of mocha in our bedroom.

So, thank you for another year of…. hot nights in bed.

Steve

I CHOO - CHOO - CHOOSE YOU!

I CHOO - CHOO - CHOOSE YOU!

I CHEW - CHEW - CHOOSE YOU

A reader found this and immediately thought of me. What a great idea for Valentine’s Day! Dinner out, how romantic.

Valentine's day dinner

"Wow your special someone with table side service, flowers
and candlelight, in a place made famous for late night cravings. We’ll even
upload a photo of your romantic rendezvous to our website."

I hope my homosexual lifetime companion partner loves this just as much as I do.

Valentine's Day with Mr. and Mrs. Roper

So this Valentines Day Fuzzy was determined to get our heart shaped groove on. I tell anyone that will listen to my ramblings that I hate Valentines Day. It ranks somewhere between grocery shopping and getting anal probed with a traffic cone. But he actually wanted to do something. I hate it when boyfriends want to “do stuff.” So Tuesday I find out that we have reservations at the 17th avenue grill. At 6pm we meet for dinner, I even dressed up, underwear and everything. It’s one of those fancy places that stack their two tops so closes your pretty much eating with complete strangers. As I approach the table I size up our neighbors. Mr. and Mrs. Roper to the left and a hip 30ish couple to the right. I think well here comes the Queers to insert our gayness right in the middle. Did I mention that Fuzzy had a huge heart shaped box of chocolates and a oversized bag with tissue fling everywhere under his arm? We slide in and Fuzzy informs me that we should have a great time and that we are going to enjoy this. Well, it’s not like we’re in the hole at the state pen. Our server who happens to be Jan Brady leans over Mr. Roper and asks us what would we like to drink, he orders a riesling I ask for her finest Diet Coke. She then tried to not roll her eyes but failed. I state to her and the Ropers “I thought it was funny” To which Mrs. Roper states, “yes, yes it was.”

Dinner was great; they had lamb, rabbit and veal on the menu. So we celebrate Valentine’s day by eating every cute cuddly creature that Bambie might of frolicked with? As this came out of my mouth the hip girl on my right kind of choked on the bite she was putting in her mouth. I giggled a little. Then kicked under the table and sent the huge heart box fling onto their feet. When it was time to open the bag of tissue Mrs. Roper started to gush. “Oh, I hope there’s a card! That’s so nice, you’re so lucky” I then pull out an amazing silver picture frame with a shot we had done on the gay boat. Mrs. Roper takes this from my hand and holds it in her hand like the Holy Grail. Holds it up for Mr. Roper to see then shows Jan and the gaggle of lesbians in the booth over in the corner. “You look so happy.” I smile and respond, “Yeah, we were on X.” Now that I think of it I did have a great time and I did enjoy it.