Tales from the Safeway

I had to run to the Safeway today to pick up a Happy Retirement card for someone I’ve never met from our corporate HQ. I find it soothing to by crap for people I don’t know, but I’m not in my office so hey. I get to the check out line and the woman in front of me turns to me like we do each others Pedies and giggles “I’ve forgot something, watch my cart and you can go in front of me.” Now the word “Coolie-O” came out of my mouth, I don’t really know why. But hey we’re pedie mates so coolie-o. I’m standing there for a while and I’m having fun judging what’s in her basket, thanking God I’m gay. The Hets buy some weird stuff. So she comes back and starts loading her groceries onto the belt. I thought of doing it for her but ewww, I’m not touching Pampers even in the package. As I get to the cashier I state that I’m just getting the card. She responds “what about your groceries?” I turn and the lady is gone, again. Trying to be funny I say “I would never buy Ragu.” Then together the cashier and I look down to see that there is no Ragu anywhere on the belt. Obviously she had looked to see me standing by myself by this shopping cart, and now Ragu lover has disappeared leaving me with pampers and no sauce to go with them. “Sir what do you wanted me to do with your groceries?” Now they’re mine? “Sell them to the next lady that comes up to you” I say “I just want this card Please.” She then muttered something under her breath that sounded like “crazy fool.” So she rings up my card in time for Ms. Pasta Sauce to return and says “Thank you Mr. Leroy” Without thinking I shoot “Who” “Earl Leroy, it says soooooo on THE card.” Now since I was using the company card it has my bosses name not mine. Oh….yes. “And it’s Mr. Le Roy” I grab my card and run away.