Kum & Go

This is the summer of my work day starting at five in the morning. I chose this schedule to get to work before all of my coworkers, in hopes to complete my daily tasks long before anyone else arrives. Also, I have really enjoyed getting to the gym in the early afternoon, instead of right at five o’ clock with the masses. 

I have to say, I really am enjoying this plan. Even if it means getting up at three o’clock and leaving the house just as my neighbors are walking up the sidewalk after a night out. The part of this plan I didn't account for was going to bed before it was dark out. So, really it's the summer of sleeping five hours a night.

Leaving the house before four gets me to my local gas station, the Kum & Go, just in time for all the predawn drama. Who knew a simple stop for coffee would include the involvement of small town theatrics the likes not seen since that Shakespeare bloke. 

The epic I'm referencing begins as I pull up to the front of the huge Kum & Go sign. This is when the curtain is raised on the same frumpy Hispanic woman, with two kids clutching onto her, searching through the movies on the Red Box machine. She may not have a face as she is always pressed against the ATM style movie renting box. I always say “Good Morning” to her terrified brood wondering who rents movies at four A.M. I never spend much time on this character, as I am always pulled to the story of the female cashier and her two boyfriends. 

Most days, the Ingenue is sitting cross-legged on the hood of her 1984 Oldsmobile, Cutlass Calais. I always marvel at its showroom condition. For her to be sitting on the hood. She daintily takes a drag from her cigarette as her multiple suitors attempt to woo her with their charm. As every day I pass by this story, and have learned that her husband is “away” for ten years, I have named her Penelope. Last week, I heard one of the suitors says, “you gots beautiful eyes...” Penelope, having heard all this before cut him off with, “I don’t want fake bullshit!” That Odysseus is one lucky man. 

This gas station inexplicably is also a staging point for every Chrysler/Dodge test fleet on their way to do a battle of high altitude mountain driving. With my coffee in hand, it’s not unusual to come out of the store to find a sea of Fiats, 300s, Darts, or even mystery vehicle dressed up in disguise in an attempt to hide new body designs. The technicians and fleet coordinators line up the cars like a platoon to be fueled. I stop and attempt to guess the newest changes to the car under all the cleverly layered bits of plastic. We’ll see in fall, when the new models are unveiled if I was correct. 

I love my daily personal ritual at the Kum & Go. I enjoy seeing the same characters playing their roles over and over. It begins my day, ready for whatever it may bring. 

Friday; however, was completely different. A cold and foggy morning, I pulled in the parking lot to find it abandoned. No renting of movies, no Dodge technicians, the hood of the Cutlass was cold and empty. As I moved from the cold dark, into the warm glow of the fluorescent lighting I spotted Penelope. Alone in the corner making egg sandwiches. No customary “Good morning!’ Just a glance up as I approached the coffee machine. As I met her at the cash register, and her ripping off of plastic food-handling gloves, I noticed she was sporting a Doctor Who themed hoodie.

“I like your hoodie” I cheerfully said. 
Silence. I swiped my card.
“You want cash back?” She said more to the front window than to me.
“No.” I said. Averting my gaze to my styrofoam cup. We finished by Penelope turning on her heels and returning to her work. I sipped my coffee as I slipped into the predawn foggy darkness. 

Other posts about the Kum & Go:
Soundwave 
Panic
Even with a Baby

Panic at the Kum &Go

I knew something was odd when I pulled up to the local Kum & Go and there were hordes of rednecks loading up their muddy trucks with cases of drinking water. I did pay much attention because they always do strange things at the Kum & Go gas station; like buying chewing tobacco, and "renting up thoooses mooovies on the Red Box." Little did I know the rednecks knew something I was about to learn. Our fair city was in the middle of a e-coli scare.

A random test of the local water system came back with a positive response to the e-coli bacteria. For the next 48 hours we cannot drink tap water without boiling it. So, yeah. Yay. 

In times of crisis, our government urges us to be prepared. I thought of this preparedness as I ate my slice of gas station pizza and headed over to the grocery store to stock up on sundries to get our household though the storm. The Department of Homeland Defense would of been proud. 

It was a mad house at the store. People were stocking up on water like it was never coming back. We Americans do adore a good mob panic. I rushed to get what was important to survive our trial...

The orange flavor is the best for brushing your teeth. Oh... The water on the left is for the dog. I'm not sharing my Miller Lite with him. Again. 

SOUNDWAVE

Six o’clock this morning and I’m trying to get some gas and a muffin for the commute to work. I’m not really awake. It’s really Zombie Steve staggering around the coffee bar at the gas station. Glamorous I know. As I drag my carcass towards the counter I do however notice that the cashier is checking out my package. I may be sleepy but I’m not dead. That’s when he said:
“That’s really hot.”
“Uh…thanks dude.” That’s when I realize his eyes are wandering all over my chest.
“Where’d you get that?”
“Uhm…….what”
“Your Soundwave t-shirt. That’s frickin cool. He’s the best!”



Funny how you can interpret body language I clearly thought that… well never mind. The soon to be trick turned soon to be creepy nerd continued for what seem for about ten minutes on how Soundwave might be the real leader of the Decepticons. He came short of comparing him to Joseph Goebbels. Only as a evil robot cassette player hell bent on destroying the world, I'm sure that's an insult. I came to the edge of using the ultimate getaway line….

“Would you excuse me? I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood.”

Thankfully I didn’t have too, the diatribe of comparing the Decepticons to the German high command ended quickly as he noticed I was slowly backing away from the counter. As I turned to leave I said “Shalom” and ran screaming into the early morning dew.

EVEN WITH A BABY

It was 6:30 AM, I’m sorry but I couldn’t work my Instamatic. If I could, I would have snapped a picture of a SUV at the gas station this morning.

It’s the second week of June and the high school graduations have died down. You’re seeing a lot less of the white shoe polish signs of “congrats grads” badly written on back windows of cars. Uhm…. “congradulations” What’s that? I know I’m really not the one to challenge other people’s grammar. But I don’t do it on automobiles. I mangle the English language on a blog. Like you’re supposed to.

So, picture it, the Kum and Go at Six this morning, and yes it’s called Kum and Go. If you want a T-shirt, let me know. I’m staggering out to the Jeep with a Diet Coke in one hand and a chocolate doughnut in the other. I look up and see a SUV with one of these terms of shoe polish endearment. It stated:

“Way to go Tiffy! You made it!!!
Even with a baby!”

Passive aggressive? And yes, it was "Tiffy". Damn it! I couldn’t work my camera. I wasn’t about to drop my doughnut.

I got gas

I would like to say that we live in a picturesque Colorado Mountain town. But the reality is far from that. The towns claim to fame is 8 Mexican restaurants and that hundreds of Japanese Americans were interned there during WWII. Put that on a tourism website.
Gas in Denver has reached $4.10 a gallon but in Denver’s hinterland it’s around $4.00. There are four gas stations in town, two of these are on opposite ends of the main “drag” both are at $3.82. What a frickin seal, right.
Fuzzy finally came out and asked why I kept driving past the You Pump It (makes me giggle every time) down to the new Kum and Go (more giggling.) Well, I said “their pumps don’t work.” He had a long pause while slowly turning this around in his head. “Why wouldn’t they work for you?” I responded with a DUH tone “they don’t have credit card swipers.” Fuzzy still kept a low, even tone.” You know that they’re older pumps you have to go in and pay.” Still not picking this up I responded “Go in and pay? That doesn’t sound right.” He then explained to me about this stuff called cash. People use it to purchase goods and services. He then inquired if I approached Coke machines with my credit card and just repeatedly jammed my plastic into any hole. “No, that only works with you. “ I calmly retorted.