DESKTOP FRIDAY

What on StevieB's desktop this week?




Take a walk around Kozyndan.com
Thanks to Dalton for the pic!

TWO GAYS IN BED

I got a call from the other half yesterday. “I’m siiick. I’z gounnnin homz.” Which means he was sick and heading for our bed with a Shar-pei close behind. Poor guy, I stopped and picked up some food and went to tend to his achy head and stuffed-up nose.

When I got to his side, I made him close the Macbook and eat some take away. I got him excited that a new Netflix movie arrived and we could hang out in bed and watch a movie. That plan was quickly squashed when I realized that the movie wasn’t the 2006 movie No Regret but, the 1969 collection of Doctor Who, The War Games series. Which he can’t stomach on a good stomach. In the end it did work out, he felt it was so boring it put him out for the remainder of the evening.

BUNNIES!

Have I mentioned how much I hate WORD VERIFICATION? But, not as much as having Viagra ads crammed into every hole in the universe.

This is going to be a Non Sequitur post as I’m not really awake yet.

Bunnies!

I was driving home last night and since we’re in a rural area I was on a stretch of county road with fields on both sides. I saw a blur run from across one of the fields heading for the Jeep. I quickly spotted it as a rabbit, a huge frickin cotton tail bunny. With a death wish. I was sure I hit it; I looked down and saw that he had turned to not get hit and was running along side of my Jeep. Like he was trying to yell something to me. “Tatonka! Tatonka!” Well after a couple of seconds of amazement I wasn’t gonna let no bunny beat me in a race, so I floored it. Teach him to chase cars. Ah, nature. Can I live in a gay ghetto now?

Mars!

Has anyone seen The Waters of Mars yet? Anyone? Beuller? If you don’t know what I’m speaking of, it’s okay. You’re not geeky enough. Speaking of Geeky, I watched the launch of the space shuttle Atlantis on Monday. It’s mission to take replacement parts and worms to the space station.

Dullest mission ever.

Furnace filters and worms? Like a trip to the hardware store. I did watch it via the Towelroad blog, and when I called over a co-worker she saw the banner add and asked if the gays have their own NASA department. I said yes, because I think that would be a cool rumor to start.

“Gays are trying to launch a satellite to destroy the sanctity of marriage!”

Coffee!

Okay, we’re done with our Non Sequitur post. Fueled by the broken coffee maker in my office. My drag name, right now would be Miss Ann Thrope. Have a great day, watch out for bunnies and have you checked out the L shape Window blog? Take a look.

Cagney & Lacey

This was taken on some cruise somewhere... I thought it was fun. Until someone pointed out that Jerrod and I look like Cagney and Lacey.





Oh Mary Beth.

THE GREAT CHRISTMAS TREE DEBATE

I can now say that the Great Christmas Tree Debate is over. For this year.
When you’re coupled off the best part of having a relationship, other than the connubial rights is having someone to go with you to bring home a Christmas tree.

When a was a little fagglette, I dreamed that one day I would have a big hairy guy to drag the taped-up cardboard box from the basement and put our little tree together piece by piece. In our well appointed house with its name-brand appliances. Okay, I was that “type” of little gay boy. Sue me, as I grew older the only thing that changed is that hauling your tree up from the basement is not nearly as romantic as going out to the wilderness and chopping down a fresh, live tree. When I lived in Dallas, I drug Dalton through hours of Texas mud, to find just the right green symbol of Christ’s birth to axe murder. Oh, the smell...the smell. You could just smell the season in the air.

It came as a shock last week when the other half calmly stated,
“We should just buy a tree…yeah know… to have, then we don’t have go get one from a cold lot from a registered sex offender, just to have it die on us?”

Blasphemy!

And so started the great debate, real or fake plastic. Oh, the tears and the high pitched whining. The endless crying. Begging. The non-stop begging. It was just embarrassing.

Nothing worked on that man. But seeing as we have a healthy relationship we soon came to a compromise. Beautiful and real one year, gross, dumb, fake the next. See compromise.

Last Saturday, we walked out of the Uber store with one amazing 12 feet ready to assemble symbol of our harmonious life. We had to get 12 feet tall, because anything shorter would just be a cop-out. What? I’m a size queen. For trees that is.

DESKTOP FRIDAY

This is my new favorite photo, meaning it's my desktop picture...



It was this...



I found it here.

THE KOOL KIA KOUP

Would Kez over at Muttonchop Mutant hate me if I bought this?




It’s the Kia Koup. Kind of cute isn’t it. Is it? And by "cute" I mean super-cool. I’ve been reading up on it. When I see a picture, I turn my head to the left like a dog trying to figure it out. I really like it……but….it’s a two door car……Kia.


On another note. I got shushed in our parking garage this morning. Maybe I was listening to Prodigy a little loud. but, it's 5AM.....in a parking garage. not the time for Mr. Lexus to shhhhhh me. Damn it.

IVRI LIDER

Have you heard Ivri Lider yet? Check out Ivri Lider.com



“Ten years ago, Ivri Lider was a young musician taking his career first step. A decade later he is one of the most successful pop/rock artists in Israel.”
You can buy his albums here or itunes. Check him out, he'll be a great add to your library.


JESSE

GHOST IN THE STEVIEB

I’ve been watching my favorite TV show via our spunky little DVR. Ghost In The Shell is on Cartoon Network at 1:30 AM, Sunday morning. I obviously watch this Japanese futuristic police anime after the gym on Monday nights. Two weeks ago I raced home to watch it. When I clicked on the play button I got Cartoon Network’s crappy sixteen year old boy’s cartoon featuring a douche-bag talking meatball.

Okay, no biggie. The DVR recorded something wrong. Fine. It was only the last episode of the 2nd series, where everything was solved and the story line finished. Maybe they showed it at the wrong time. It will be on again……..

Last Monday, I rush home. The episode is number one, from the first series. I let out a nerd scream. The kind you hear only when nerds find out they don’t make 12 sided dice any more.




I guess it’s back to watching it over again. Damn it.

The Power of 2012

Over the weekend I heard more people talking about 2012. 2012, 2012, 2012 It makes me groan that someone has figured out how to make a buck making up crap just to scare people. Seriously. This makes me wonder what that complete hottie Joseph Campbell would think.

He's the dude that coined the phrase: FOLLOW YOUR BLISS.


I'm beginning to believe that anyone who's playing in to this garbage should be strapped into a chair and made to watch Bill Moyer's six hour conversation with Joseph Campbell. The Power of Myth was a six part interview in 1988 and is a riveting conversion with one of the great men of our time. That and he rocks in a plaid sport coat.

I've been told I'm very transparent.

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

THE NEW FORD TAURUS

Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus




Thanks to Gooster for finding this

5 ON THE FIFTH

This month’s theme was colour. Please check out the other 5's from around the world. A huge thanks to Stephen at The State Of The Nation UK blog!

WHITE

BLACK

FLESH TONE

GOD

SILVER (Anniversary)

SPEW FORTH USELESS KNOWLEDGE

Did you know that Crystal Gayle and Loretta Lynn are sisters? How about that Taco Bell was started by a guy named Glenn Bell.

The other day I was riding around with the guys. We weren’t talking about much just the usual gay boy conversation. When the topic turned to Taco Bell, I mentioned that Taco Bell was founded by a guy named Mr. Bell. Dalton called bullshit; this was due to eight years of being around me. He knows I have a knack of remembering useless bits of trivia. Then spewing them back at any time with only half the supporting story. With maybe some colorful fiction added in...just to make the story better. This is why Wikipedia has changed my life. Anytime I need to substantiate a fact….when someone happens to be calling me a liar. I can now Wikipedia it.

So, the next time the conversation turns to equine health, and you get an eye roll from your friends after you causally mention that horses can’t vomit. Think of me and pull out your iPhone to Wikipedia it. It's true....really.

Really.

THE 455TH POST

Today marks my 455th post! Time just flies by; it seems just yesterday I was writing about useless crap way back in November of 2007. Well, I’d like to take this moment to thank everyone that stopped by my tiny, idiotic blog to read about the life and times of StevieB.

Collective Aaaaawh.

Let’s move on to another 455 shalist we? After seeing a photo of the scarcest thing I could think of Halloween costume…



It’s back to the diet. Today I’m having a protein pancake. They call it a pancake to make it sound as if you’re not eating egg whites and oatmeal. Here’s the recipe, it only has: 3.3 g of fat. I actually love the taste. But, I’m weird. Smear enough peanut butter on it and you forget your eating rubbery eggs. Yummy.

SHAR-BEE

There's nothing like getting drunk then dressing up your shar-pei...



You really can tell he had fun.

CABIN FEVER

I think I have cabin fever. Working from home the last two days due to Denver’s first snowstorm has caused my credit card some serious damage. This is due to the fact that I keep buying underwear and music online. All day. Now, I have a 4X4 so….I guess I could go to work and to the gym. But, it’s all cold and ya’know snowy… and stuff.

This has nothing to do with my backed up Netflix cue and the dog…he needs me.

My offical desk for work and buying 2xist undies.

SNOW DAY!

Woo-Hoo! Snow day. I'm off to make snow angels.

SPOT

I don’t read our local town’s newspaper. Mostly because I don’t care that much about agricultural and crop news. That and it’s written horribly. If I wanted to read bad run on sentences I’d read my own.

Yesterdays lead story was about a husband and wife that delivered their third child on the living room rug. It went on to say how the extended family all “helped” to bring their new baby boy into the world. I pictured years from now the Mother screaming “You kids stop playing with Stanley's spot and go out to the back yard!”

I figured they would name him Stanley, because next to the article was an add for Stanley Steemer, the carpet cleaning professionals. Their tag line? We can get out any stain.

NICE TO SEE STEVIEB...IN THE DARK

The power went out at Southfork last Saturday night. I didn’t notice until Fuzzy walked up with a lit candle in his hand. This was because I was watching excessive amounts of Doctor Who on the laptop via Netflix and, he wanted to scare the crap out of me. After some missed woo pitching we hung out in the street with the neighbors until I thought “Jerrod works for 911! Let’s call him to complain!” He claimed it wasn’t his fault but, he was helpful in letting us know that the power company would have us lit within that hour.

I only bring this up in case you ask about the bruise on my shin. Also because I spent the next darkened hour going through my iPhoto files to find some photos to share. Cool hu?

Dalton snapped this one in 2006, it was a bathroom wall in Brooklyn, NY.


God loves black dick! I think I’ve found my 2009 Christmas card.



This is from some White Party…somewhere…sometime…



I’ve never noticed my friend, Frank in the background. It’s like he’s saying:
“Look in to my eyes, look directly into my eyes, not around my eyes…directly into my eyes!” Sorry, too much Little Britain.


Have you ever posed with a bronze sculpture? Been to say, Benjamin Franklin's house and took a picture of you next to a six foot tall Ben. Or stood next to a mannequin of someone famous? Then wondered why?



Here’s a great picture of Jerrod posing next to an UNDISCLOSED gentleman who just had a Prince Albert piercing. It’s like he’s at Disney Land.

And that was a tour around Stevie's iPhotos. Good buys!

DJ Bill Bennett

Best new album for the gym, his rhythm will get you through your workout.



Big Muscle of the rhythm. Buy it Amazon or iTunes.

Check out his site at DJ Bill Bennett.com

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW COMRADE?

Here’s a great article from English Russia.com showing that you can stick a cell tower anywhere. Even in an Ukrainian monument to the Motherland’s war dead. Read the artical here.

STEZZIE B.

I received this E-mail from my friend Michelle yesterday. Raven is her three year old, who I recently bought a pink, play vacuum as a birthday present.

*Sigh*
Today Raven called you Stevie not Stezzie… damn it. She's figured it out. And then when I asked her to repeat what she said she called you 'Steve"… um, WTH.

I hate that she's growing up so fast …
I love you - very much.
Michelle

I don’t think I can handle with a three year old calling me Steve. It seems she's smarter then me. Well...besides the obvious.

StevieB. is on a mission

My strong ethical standing and moral character stems from my youth serving missions for The Church of Latter-Day Saints. Here’s just a glimpse of what I learned…..

PLUG IN PLASTIC CRAP

There are thirty-five days until I get to put up the Christmas lights. So, only thirty four more days of bugging the other half about putting up the Christmas lights. I love this time of year.

We were standing in the back isle of our local Gay Target, I was pondering about the taste level of animatronic, glowing willow moose. At what point do light up holiday wildlife become tacky? I asked out loud. It was a rhetorical question but was also answered by Fuzzy. At any point. You smack down plug-in anything in a front yard, and you’ve just crossed a threshold, the one that says, a trip to Branson, Missouri might be fun. A fanny pack would keep you organized. Then you’re a short hop to being upset because you have to dress up to go to Wal-Mart.

Now I’m thinking “understated elegance” is the way to go.

GYM TALK WITH TRIX THE RABBIT

This is an open apology for the guy I cut off turning into the gym on Friday. There’s not an excuse for driving unsafe around a sport bike. Even though you were trying to turn in to the 24hour fitness on Alameda’s parking lot whilst checking your text messages, I could have been more aware. I’ve been crazy on sport bikes and owned a street bike and I cannot imagine the skill level you must possess being able to ride a Honda CBR, down-shifting in flip-flops. With head phones on. I understand why you could not signal, with all the texting you were doing and having to maintain your head just right to not break your spiked up hair. Sorry. I hope your Abercrombie shirt comes clean.


I’m kind of done with the 24hour gym on Alameda. When did it turn from Gay to Pretentious Tool? I’ve also discovered that the guys at the 24hour on Yale are more College Jock and less tweezed eyebrow. Not that there’s anything wrong with a “shaped brow.” I’m thinking that the next big thing on the dance circuit will be the muscle gays shaving off their brows and painting them on. With sharpies.

A whole sea of guys bouncing up and down. Looking like Trix the Rabbit.

I think I need more coffee.

GIGANTIC 陰茎

Another new T-shirt from Crank...


It's funny cuz it's true. Buy it here.

Baby Jesus Versus The Zombies

shoebox.com

I went zombie clothes shopping yesterday. That was a first. Mighty Dalton is gunna zombie it up this Halloween. I still haven’t decided what to do, I hate Halloween. We spent an hour a The Wizards Chest last night with Dalton holding up dozens of costumes saying “you could be a spaceman. You like spacemen. Or, how about Spiderman?” Like I was ten. Then again I was acting like I was ten, stomping my feet pouting “I wanna be a Green Lantern.” This is why I hate Halloween; it takes me back to Mrs. Conn’s fifth grade class at Montfort Elementary School, when the whole class laughed at me for coming as a witch. A gay male witch. What? I liked the hat.

Aim for their heads, Baby Jesus!

BACK TO WORK

Wow, yesterday was frickin amazing! After having one too many twenty buck cocktails at Pam Ann, I slept in. I mean really slept in. I awoke to the dog holding a mirror under my nose. I still made it the gym but, barely. The remains of the day were spent at Daz Bog on 9th. Drinking my fill of coffee.

Pam Ann was great, although there were one too many drunken flight attendants that felt they could just walk on stage. Way to go, SouthWest. I was completely bummed that they did not have T-shirts for sale. Really? Now how can I record my flight? I have nothing to add to my Dixie Longate shirt, Atlantis cruise bag, and sixty leather bar T-shirts. Maybe they sell them online.

Today it’s back to work; I really don’t like to talk about work on here. Mostly because it’s boring as hell and I work for a branch of the military, the one with the boats. I help people comprehend the craziness that is HR. But, today was just too amazing not to share. I recieved a call from a crazy woman, that may or may not has been drinking. She was at a front gate of a military base and called me to get onto the base to fill out an application for a civilian position. Like the US military is like JC Penney’s. There’s a box of applications next to the missiles. She wanted me to “come down to the gate” and let her in. After quite a while of trying to explain the “on line” process, she stated:

“Look idiot! I want to make a good impression. I don’t wanta do nothing online. Just let me in!”

“Huh.” I said. “I have to say your idea of a good impression is questionable. “ I didn’t have time to explain that she was calling me hundreds of miles away, because she hung up on me.

PAM ANN

To night's the night. The big date to go see Pam Ann at the Paramount Theater, Denver. We'll see you there. Or, check out her tour.