Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Great Day

How did I spend this amazing day? Well, it started as my phone blew up with the texts and phone calls. Friends wanting to share the amazing news of DOMA being ruled unconstitutional along with California’s Proposition 8 being tossed out on its head.  It made me feel like this...

Reading the tweets, texts, and Facebook updates was the best part, my favorite was Moby, from The Moby Files blog, speaking of his boss letting him go early due to his excitement.  It’s like Christmas, the 4th of July, and everyone’s birthday all rolled into one great day. 

For me, today finally persuaded me to give in and acquiesce to a long held desire of the other half. It’s true. I gave in and finally hung his cow horns and caved-in converting one of the bathrooms into cowboy themed. Yee-Haw. 

Friday, June 21, 2013


I stood and observed this cake for awhile, never comprehending what it was supposed to be. When one of the bakers noticed my wrinkled nose, she asked if she could help. She too stared at the two mounds of icing. "They're... Two ice cream cones? She stated attempting to convince herself.  

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

New Car Itch

It seems that it is that time again. The last three years has just flown by, yet I’m beginning to get that itch, again. The new car itch. 

I honestly cannot believe it has been three years since I bought my car. The motivation in dropping my big Jeep Wrangler and going for a four-door sports sedan escaped me until I read my blog post from the day I bought my car. Gas milage. I was commuting 120 miles each day, and the knobby tires on the Jeep were giving me 14 MPG, at best. The last three years has been filled with 35MPG happiness... boring... grown-up, safe and responsible happiness.

I don’t want to be a grown-up any more. I’m thinking that my next Stevemobile, must have a quasi butch factor, four wheel drive is necessary (for all that skiing I do), and must be able to haul a load (like me), or pull a trailer. Being able to move a load is number one on the list because of all that firewood I chop Christmas decorations I need to move.

 I have my list down to a small list of contenders: 

Jeep Wrangler

Toyota Tacoma

Toyota FJ

Please leave your vote in comments, along with any vehicles you think I should look over. Considering that I’m going for “butch gay-boy realness” this time around.  

Monday, June 17, 2013

Pride Month

I stumbled upon this on my partners Facebook page. It was odd to find because he claims to be one of those, "I hate Facebook!" kind of people. It speaks to why he, and how we might all,  celebrate Pride Month.  As a wide reach of individuals that make up the GLBT community, it seems to be a call to arms for of why we really need to celebrate Pride Month. 

Pride is being oneself to the core, embracing it in the face of all others at all times. Pride is not being afraid to acknowledge any part of oneself; even within the circle of those supposedly like you! Pride is not forgetting who you are and where you came from, and especially those who's shoulders you ride upon. Those who got you where you are now and today. Pride is cherishing every beautiful, graceful, powerful, positive, fantastic, passion filled, negative, dark part of oneself; all of it.

Now It seems we are in danger of losing our community. The community that made Pride marches a strong force for change. Maybe because we might be more concerned with mainstreaming than in being who we were intended to be.... we are slowly but surely giving up that which makes us unique in our own culture of life....slowly but surely taming that which made us wild, different, fantastic, colorful, edgy, creative, brilliant, scary, interesting, weird, queer, elegant, intimidating, masculine, piggishly sexual, promiscuous, spiritual, respectful towards each other, underground, non-conforming, brave, rebellious, freeks, hot, progressive, creative individuals.

Oh yes, we are moving forward, yet in our strides to normalize our sexuality in the view of society, we may be in loosing our community.  Is this so we can live in the burbs in our washed out colored two story houses, drive our hondas, wear our khaki shorts and polos, feminize so we don't scare the straight men, traditionalize our way of living and having relationships, criticizing those of our own kind, if they don't live the "right" kind of relationship? We polarize ourselves between those who are hiv+ and those who are hiv- with great ignorance of how to live together through all of it. We have divided our subcultures against each other further than ever before, and diluted their uniqueness at the same time. Our youth have no connection to our more mature men and women. Destroying mentoring and guidance, or respect for those who marched when it wasn't a celebration, but an act of defiance. 

What is pride to me? Being a damn proud gay man, I reject the mainstream with my eyes wide open! I want my rights and respect in society just like anyone else, but dammit I'm not giving up being a mature, muscular, masculine, edgy, homo because it is innate as my color, my race, my being. I thank God for it everyday. My soul will continue to love all forms of gay, my beautiful lipsticks and butch lesbians, my drag queens, bears, leathermen, transgenders, my homo friends with kids and hondas, my oversexed homo friends, my swishy friends, my butch men, all of it, all of it, all of it. Don't you dare, don't you dare try to adjust the color of all of it! Don't you dare try to normalize or whitewash it......I want it all. That's pride, loving it all. Happy Pride everyone....get out there and be yourself and offend someone!

Friday, June 14, 2013

I’m a Delinquent

Seeing it’s been so hazy due to the entire Rocky Mountain range bursting into flames (like me after four beers...or me in a furniture store...or me in a 4x4 parts store) the smoke from this years “burn-fest” has wafted down to Boulder.  This has driven my OCD of having a perfectly clean windshield/windscreen into high gear. 

Yesterday, leaving work, I began my endless ritual of grabbing a perfectly folded micro-fiber cloth and my aerosol can of window cleaner from my trunk to polish my car’s glass. As I sprayed a white zig-zag of foaming cleaner across my glass I heard a scream.

“Stop that!!! I’m calling the police!!” Somebody stop him!!”

I turned to see a woman desperately dialing on her phone. Mid-fifties, wearing age inappropriate workout pants. Never saying a word, yet giving her a sideways Suzanne Sugarbaker glance; I began to wipe the cleaner from my windshield. 

“Oh... I thought you were tagging...vandalizing that car...”

She turned to her phone and began explaining to the 911 operator her about her failings as a dutiful citizen. Then she just wandered away into the smoke, the bedazzled word ‘Juicy’ disappearing into the mist. 

Only in Boulder, CO. would someone thing the “tagging” is perpetrated by a gentleman in Eddie Bauer. 

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Too Darn Hot

The conversation on everyones lips this week seems to be the heat. Since it’s June, it's surprising to everyone that it gets hot. This is also the time when the Colorado Mountains start to spontaneously combust. They should make the Rocky Mountains out of sturdier stuff they're just going to erupt into flame anytime it reaches 100°?

This also means that it's the season for the first page of Facebook status updates to composed mostly of iPhone shots of car’s dashboard external temperature displays. Here's a typical list of my Facebook updates...

It’s 100°
Wow! 101°
Seriously! LOL 97°
99° That’s Hot! : )
Moby is heading to the gym
100° Burning my ass off. 
Someone make it not be 100° right now. 
Look at this cat! It’s seating in a kitchen sink. 
Mr. Summer, please not let it be 101° for Pride this year. 

We all know it’s hot. We all have the weather app. Your just giving me visual camouflage between my true mission on Facebook. To look at fluffy cats doing “crazy stuff”, and Moby’s abs. 

This got me thinking... I’m going to take a series of photos in October of my car’s temperature display. Then I’ll start posting them in June of next year. “Wow 47°!”  “Geez! It’s 52° today?” Yeah know, just to shake it up a bit. 

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Down Time

This week I’ve had the opportunity to enjoy four days away from work and adult responsibility. The only schedule I had to keep was going to the gym and remembering when Adventure Time was scheduled on Cartoon Network. 

Yesterday a friend came over in the morning for an “all day” season/series 7 Doctor Who marathon. He only lasted 7 episodes before his brain (and writer hatred) started to boil. Leaving me to finish the remaining 7 episodes with just me, nachos, and the Shar-pei. Let’s just say that the dog doesn’t care for Steven Moffatt. 

With all this down time I’ve also taken to become a stalker to a fictitious television character on Twitter. 

The 1” square photo on Twitter indicates that he is a slim, trim British lad of proper breeding. As I have a massive thing for slim and trim British lads, I quickly became a stalker fan. The gentleman being complete fictional, truly had no barring on the level of my desire. Apparently. I started to follow the tweets of this British lad (or whom ever tweets as this trim, educated specimen) I soon found myself in the embarrassing situation with a crush on Sheridan Bucket. The proper, well bred son of Hyacinth and Richard Bucket. Yes, that Mrs. Bucket.  From the five year, 1990’s British television program, Keeping up Appearances. 

Yes, I know it would never work between us. Me being a forty year old male of dubious background, mostly comprised of flesh and bone. Sheridan, only existing on Twitter, and my mind, is most likely being a sixty year old married woman living in Bedford. I believe I might need to seek treatment for my anglophilia. 

Maybe all this down time isn’t such a good thing. Structure is what I apparently what I need. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Ready to Cruise

Upon a Miller Lite infused conversation, during Patrick’s last visit, we decided that it was time for new gym bags. Thirteen-hundred dollar gym bags. 

In some sort of cosmic fate “I’m your density” type of thing, the next day I get the super hero like call from the BFF Frank... “It’s time to cruise.” Soon we assembled on a conference call and dialed the number to RSVP Vacations. Don Ofstedal a Guest Sales Coordinator for RSVP Vacations took our call.  The latest cruise through the Caribbean had just opened for booking hours earlier. “Hi Don, there’s seven of us on a conference call, we all need cabins on the 9th floor of the Divina Caribbean cruise.” 

One by one, we claimed our cabins by laying down our credit cards. Like the Ancient Spartans participating in the rights of becoming a man during the ritual Helots Killing, we slaughtered our next vacation. 

Just 9 months to go until our new gym bags. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Nerd Boy

I know I have an idiot grin on my face. It's  just that I'm so unreasonably happy to have my picture taken with a Police Call Box. 

Nerd boy. 

Sunday was Comic Con day in our fair city. And after standing in line for three hours, we got in.  The three hour wait also meant we missed Colin Bakers (the sixth Doctor for all you "norms") speech. It was okay though, I stood at the autograph line and stocked him from afar. This was after I followed a warren of Banes around the convention center. Who knew face masks would a turn-on? (I did.)