Saturday, October 25, 2014

Checking Monsters

I got home super late last night. One of those nights where you dump your belongings and drag yourself up the stairs. I dumped my countless number of bags inside the door and stripped naked as I ascended the stairs.  My only goal was to be horizontal within my 800 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets. Nothing was going to stop me. One thing did. 

I stopped and checked my closet for monsters. 

Monster in The Closet
by MoMoCookie

In my sleep deprived state, it hit me. I just checked my closet. I began to think; do I do this a lot? Yes, without even thinking of it. Every night I'm alone I open my closet door and flip on the light to ensure that there isn't anything evil lurking behind the Pumas. Hiding behind the flannel shirts.  I'm a fully fledged adult, and yet I check for monsters in my room. 

I'm sure this habit began when I was eight. My brother hid in my closet one evening to jump out and scare me. To this day it is my foundation in my belief that brothers are just simply assholes.  Ever since that night I have checked my closet. This habit has ingrained itself into just who I am for my entire life, so much so that I don't even remember or acknowledge doing it. 

In the movie 'The Dark Knight' The Joker says, “We stopped checking for monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside us." So maybe, that fact that I'm a full ground man and still checking behind the closet door every night, symbolizes  that I don't have a monster inside of me.  That evil is still an abstract. To be pushed away with one small ritual. 

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Beard Challenge

There are 101 days until Wednesday January 28, 2015. That's three months and nine days from my 4th annual 40th Birthday. Which means three months and nine days until the end of my 2014 beard challenge.

I can't say I haven't been tempted to shave my beard growth off of my face. I've held the clippers in my hand on several occasions. But, right as I am close it seems a get an immediate complement from someone, either in real life or online. And sense it seems to be the only motivator on my face fur, the beard stays. For three months, and nine days.  The only negative feed back has been random trolls on Grindr, none of which have been remotely attractive. Oh, and Fuzzy,* he HATES my beard.  Like truly despises its presence in our lives. It is like Ebola, campaign adds, and people who don't move quickly enough through left turn lanes all rolled in one. The beard allows people to talk to me, a conversation starter. A "nice beard" said as tidal flows pull gays through a packed bar, is a great way to meet boys. With all its enemies and fans I still have my furry face.


The latest fur

Saturday, October 18, 2014


So... age old concern. My homework is cutting into my romantic life. At the end of next week I have an eight page paper due on whether the Irish monasteries of the twelfth century really did save the works of  great ancient philosophers, or the Humanists across Europe were the saviors; as the monks would not understood the meaning behind the works.... I know. I just fell asleep as well. Aristotle; such a funny guy.  During this time, I am acutely aware that there are guys to go kiss.

I am slowly coming to the conclusion that not only am I beginning my mid-life crisis, I am also attempting to re-live my early twenties. But, with a better credit score.

I find it strange and amusing that life has brought me to this place. A place of personal confidence, meaning finally feeling comfortable in my own skin, of being un-outcastable and truly strong in my personal beliefs, yet being in a social place of a twenty year old.

I like getting older. When you’re in your twenties you’re really forging for your future. Things take shape later on. -Crispin Glover

Monday, October 13, 2014

This Grill is on Fire

On Saturday night I found myself out on a date. A date that ended up in a cozy booth at my favorite place to dine; The Denver Diner in downtown Denver. A ginger bearded boy and I sat in a corner booth dining on pancakes. A scene right out of a gay Rockwell painting. It was the perfect step on a great night out. We sat and judged the endless supply of parading women, drunk and spent from partying in their tiny skirts and 6" heels.  As I stared dreamily into my table mates deep blue eyes I heard screaming from the kitchen. "Get out!!!! Fire!!! Everyone out!!!!" I looked over to see the entire grill engulfed in flames. Leaving my pancakes, but grabbing my bearded boy, I attempted to beat out the murder of drunk girls, as I would assume they would be too slow in there cheap heels to make it to the door.*

As I escorted my date to the  front door, I did have the head about me to bust into a rendition of one of Alicia Keys' songs. I blurted out,

"it's just a grill and it's on fire!"


There is
no more proud moment in my life.

*The news reported that no whoreish girls were harmed in the fire. My pancakes were; however, a total loss.

The news link is here...

Saturday, October 11, 2014

When I was a Boy

My first car was a 1968 Ford Mustang. No. It was not brand new. I found this car in a ditch around 1991, and towed it home with the help of my brother-in-law. I spent every meager dime I had working to get that Mustang up and running.  When it did run, I was always out and about in this car, with its mis-matched fenders and wonky exhaust. Around this time I also seemed attracted too, and dated older guys. I bring up this point because, now that I'm over forty I am now returning the favor and started to embrace my inner-daddy. Yet, it seems times have changed in the Daddy/boy dating world.  Yes, this blog post is going to be themed "When I was a boy!"

As a gay waiter at the age of twenty-four, I met and dated guys in their late thirties. I had an apartment on my own,  generally paid my own way, and had a blast in the dating world. Now, the caveat emptor of this situation may be type of guy I'm finding, meeting them mostly on Grindr. But, it seems that all the guys I have chatted with, don't own cars and still live with their parents because they just can't afford a place of their own. So, the economic atmosphere in the US is severely cramping my sex life.

Student loans, high rental rates of apartments, and the lack of jobs for new college graduates,  is impeding my ability to find a nice twenty-six year old to tie up and do things. I blame the Republicans.  This entered my mind as I picked up a nice guy for a date, at his parents house, the sideways glances I received were epic when his mom deducted that her and I were the same age. In an attempt to avert the awkwardness I offered that I too had a mid-term to study for, as I'm in college as well. It didn't help.

When I was a boy, I guess life was easier. I pretty much built my own car, and lived on Capital Hill in a series of run-down skeezy apartments. Now that I've found myself  in the Daddy role,  it appears that guys are living at home for much longer. That, or I need to change my Grindr profile to read that I'm looking for guys that have their own car. That's right, StevieB, keep those standards high. Or..... I could keep my nose out of Grindr and in my history book.