Thursday, January 30, 2014

Book Worm

There may be only thirteen days until I leave for our massive gay vacation, and ten more work days, but there are four more school days until I’ll miss two important assignments. That means as I sit naked by the pool at our leather themed vacation guest house, my junk wont be getting sun as I will be typing away on a paper about Socrates’ conversation with Euthyphro.  Picture it, a Fort Lauderdale gay hotel; pool side…

From porn
to pedal 
“Why thank you, and your muscled hotness is amazing too” I’d say looking over the top of my Macbook, returning a complement from a former porn star turned natural grocery store owner, “could you… you know what would be really hot… is if you could define your thoughts on the ‘Devine Command Theory’?” 

For some reason, every guy in my fantasies happens to be muscled former porn stars who took their fortunes to open some kind of environmentally responsible business. Like a Colt model-turned bike shop owner, or “after several years in the frat porn genre, making his way to open a vegetarian restaurant. I guess muscled green entrepreneurs turn me on. But, that’s not important right now…

What is important is that I will be completing a five page paper on the issues and theories of Ethics while Mister Twelve-pack-turned-organic-farmer enters the cabana next door. 

Damn you, Epicurus!!!! Your theory on enjoyment of life is wrecking my theory of getting laid by an ex-Sean Cody  star. 

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Tumble For Me

Hey! Have you checked out my Tumblr page?

Oh... It's not safe for work.  At all. 

Thursday, January 23, 2014


Next Tuesday is my fortieth Birthday. Again. In fact, I will be turning forty for the third time. It is all in my plan to only age by fives from now on. I will be forty until I turn forty-five, then it will be forty-five for five years until I celebrate fifty. This really isn’t a vanity issue, because I am already finding this...

After flirting will an amazingly hot guy I re-read his Scruff profile. That’s when I saw the “Age limit is 35” sign posted to the front door. Remember that Snoopy cartoon where Snoopy is attempting to travel across country and faces anti-dog segregation in public spaces? I thought that was just an allegory for racism. Now I know how people facing this type of overt segregationist views felt.  Okay, not really. But, the blood did stop pumping from my over thirty-five year old heart for a bit. 

It is really that in this day and age I cannot be bothered going to every social media site and changing my age. It took my like ten minutes to remember my Big Muscle password, just to change my ten year old photo to a five year old photo. At least now I’m not sporting Z. Cavericci. jeans. So, if you ask me my age, just add up to four years. And know that I am aging gracefully. 

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Three Weeks

It's just three weeks until the big gay criuse. This means my dietary intake has been reduced to lettuce and dust. Well, and coffee.

I decided to buy one of those "motivational" swimsuits. The type that I'll never really be able to look good wearing, yet I walk by five times a day, as it sits atop my dresser mocking me. "I will let the Caribbean sun see you, Speedo! I will" I just need to eat as if I was Karen Carpenter. 

*swimsuit not representative
 of how Steve will look.  
In my food deprived state, I have realized how un-prepared I am for this trip. Other than my speedo. Last night, I realized The reservation I made for a rental car for Fort Lauderdale was promptly deleted by me. I had zero information in regaurd to the reservation. Thankfully I had used my credit card points to pay for it, so I called the helpful credit card elves to find it for me. Yay. 

If you need me for the next three weeks, I'll be at the gym. I'll be the one with a trail of empty Slim-Fast cans behind me and a glazed-over pre-cruise lack of carbs pallor.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Steve of the Forest

I'm finding that I am spending some of my new year the same way I spent 2013; wandering around the  big box athletic/sports stores. There seems to be an endless supply of Under Armour base layer or Nike Dry-Fit gear that I NEED to buy.  Daddy needs new Asics Gel-Nimbus. 

It was during one of these trips recently that I stumbled upon a great deal.  50% off a new Coleman tent. Not since the camping disaster of '07 where a river began to flow through my old tent, have I had the desire to own a dome of nylon and fiberglass. As I glazed upon the happy sport lesbians on the bag, so conTENT to sit around in fleece, drinking hot chocolate from tin cups, and sharing their womanly feelings as they soak-up the Great Outdoors, I realized that I needed to return to the wilderness. Steve of the Forest! 

So I bought a tent in January. It won't be long before I load up and move out to the Rocky Mountains that mock me with their beauty every day on my commute to work. Now I say "look out mountains! I going to come sleep inside you!"

Monday, January 6, 2014

Hamlet's Happy Outlook

Happy 2014. 

Yes, I did start out this year with a major part of the circle of friends we call family slipping skin and tearing away this mortal coil. I’m attempting to see it as how lucky she is to be able to toss away the troubles of daily life and the strife. In these times, as in most changes in my life I turn to the "To be, or not to be" monologue in Shakespeare's Hamlet. As he was a righteous dude. 

As I drove to work last Thursday, a police car, the officer holding up a radar gun directly at me, so much so that I could see how he was squinting, pegged me going fifteen over the limit. At least I thought so, until I kept driving and he didn’t move. Wheeeeew. On Sunday, the highway was completely frozen-over when a pick-up truck traveling in front of me started to fishtail. After completing two 360 degree spins the truck head straight for me. Inches from my hood, he strangely started to spin the other way. 

Yeah, it’s going to be a good year. Considering it’s only five weeks and two days until the big gay cruise. And, most importantly in my world, the gym has not been overwrought with resolution makers. Wheeeeew.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” 

― William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Faith Ranoli

Today, I lost a friend. 

Ranoli, a larger than life lesbian, ghost hunter, home inspector, was the first person to help me become that man that I am today. 

When I was fresh out of high school and new to living on my own, the only thing I knew about the gay community was sex. This first couple of years out on my own and alone was very tough. I was adrift in a new world away from the structure of the church or family and in a sea of nonchalant fucking, drugs and drinking. Tired of this drift, I somehow ended up terrified on the front steps of a church deciding to go in and join the new gay and lesbian choir forming in Denver. That night was when I met Ranoli, who saw the terror in my eyes, got me to calm down and walk into the rehearsal room. This made me realize for the first time that it isn’t just that we sleep with the same sex that makes up our community. 

As she is one of my mentors in life I listened intently to her story of how she became involved in the paranormal, her views on life, and ideas on how to truly be happy in this world. She even officiated my past commitment ceremony. I always love how she was nonjudgmental, and spoke to her story and journey without spewing to the established dogma. 

My world got a little darker today. 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Resolutions 2014

Today brings a lot of posts on Social Media in regard to “Resolutions.” mostly how people are not making resolutions as they are considered a bad idea. That they don’t last and are “unattainable.” This makes me think that maybe it’s more of a reflection on the person declaring the uselessness of resolutions more than the concept. 

I, for one, like resolutions. They are a plan you develop with your self. A road map on the personal goal you want to accomplish. Last year I stated:

 “I resolve to make my Apollo’s Belt pop. You know, Apollo’s Belt, also known as the “Brad Pitt muscle.”

And although I don’t have a fully functioning Apollo’s belt, I did make major strides in that area. I began to focus on this goal, and I’m on my way seeing the shaping and growing of this muscle group. So even if resolutions take longer than you hope, goals are important. 

So, I hope that you set resolutions this New Years Day. Not as lofty dreams, but goals you make with your self. Then hold yourself accountable to achieving them. 

My first resolution? Go to a local diner, Pete’s Kitchen and have a Breakfast Burrito Supreme. For me, this symbolizes the essence of having a good time, stemming from my teens and twenties when I spent way too much time at this diner. This act is more of a reminder to stop and enjoy my life.  After that? Get around to buying a Truck, not let dust settle on my bike, and to grow a Hipster beard just in time for the fad to end.  

Here are my blogged resolutions from the past: