Thursday, January 3, 2008

Resolutions 2008

Well it’s 2008. This is the week were every news source is doing a 2007 reflective. Can I just watch CNN without having to see Mahmoud Ahmadinejad once again going on how he wants to meet more homosexuals in his country?

This is also the time when I take stock and look back on the last year to see what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown as a man. As I do this I can tell what kind of year I’ve finished. The first on the list was if your out of dishwasher detergent you can not use dish liquid, this will give you the feel of a foam party at your local leather bar, but in your kitchen. Next was, never tell your upstairs neighbor that her dog is getting chunky. She will hear that you called her chunky and give you dirty looks for the remainder of the year. Also, The public Library really does want all the books they gave you back. And The number one thing I learned in 2007 is… If you book a gay cruise in January of 08, all you’ll want is for 2007 to get done so you can get on the gay boat.

My big “New Years Resolution” for 2007 was to…. Something having to do with remembering things. Maybe writing things down. But I can’t really remember. This year I’m going to be much better. Here is my list for 2008:
1. Have a Breakfast Burrito Supreme at Pete’s Kitchen.
2. Stop making fun of guys at the gym that are wearing MC Hammer pants.
3. When I leave the first drive up window but yet have not arrived at the second drive up window to stop looking down at my cup holder and panicking that I did not get my Diet Coke and cussing that the Bas-tards forgot to give me my Diet Coke. Due to the fact that it is in fact always waiting for me at the second window.
4. Stop telling Child Molester jokes to Frank.
5. Upon seeing much more muscular guys stop thinking “Well I’ve got a much better sense of style and a much bigger cock.” It's true but really.
I think that these 5 resolutions will get me through 2008 and my life as it has been lived with dignity will remain in full contact.

No comments: