Sunday, June 29, 2008

COPS-V-500 thread count

We were a little late getting up and around this morning. As Fuzzy works on Sunday mornings and his boss is Jesus it’s not proper to be late to work. As we were rushing around I stopped to make the bed. I was smoothing out the sheets and aligning the pillows properly and I heard “come on baby, we gotta go! The bed will be here when we get back.” I know but what if the TV show Cops break in while we’re gone and film our unmade bed.” As this fell from my pie hole I realized that this was actually a serious concern to me. My entire adult life I’ve been walking around with the fear that if my house was messy a second rate TV show would barge in and film it. I don’t think I could life with the consequences of Cops filming my wrinkled sheets.
This just might be a step away from lining up my drinks in the refrigerator. Have you seen Flipping Out? Jeff Lewis, Wow wack job. I say that thinking that he probably does not have a persecution complex for coffee cups in the sink.
On Cops there are prostitutes, drug dealers and car thieves and I hardly do any of those things, but still want to feel tough so keeping my bed made will keep me on the right side of the law. That’s how I roll.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Words to many to read.

So as normal I’m at on the phone with Carl cruising through the blogs. “Have you read this blog yet?” “Yep, Try this one yet?” “Funny hu, how about that one? no, cool.” Soon we found ourselves on a blog about pride and started to read. Quietly I heard Carl start to repeat “Words to many to read. Words to many to read. Ahhh pictures.“ Everyone needs a Blog buddy.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Judy Tenuta and Splenda-ritas

I think the highlight for me on gay marriage in California is that I’ve discovered that Judy Tenuta is an ordained minister. Well she is, but of her own church and of her own religion. It’s called Judyism, yes it’s pronounced Jud e ism. Like Judaism but with tequila instead of the Talmud.
Now I could think of no better way to get hitched then to have Judy call you “pigs” throughout the touching if not scary ceremony. I suddenly feel as if I not ready to get married.

I’ve discovered a new drink, a Splenda-rita. All the happy, happy joy of a Margarita but none of the sugar. Now that’s how I know that the terrorists have not won.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Denver pride '08

It was pride week in Denver, the time of year where you celebrate your gayness by marching in the streets in front of the evangelicals holding damning and misspelled signs. And apparently running into every ex-boyfriend you ever had. Like Jim who wondered up to me and in a drunken stuper and let me know that He has my dishes (from 1993) Ahhh Pride. Denver throws a huge party on the hottest day of the year to celebrate. I’ve been to many cities that have moved their parades to evenings or even later in the season just to accommodate the melting drag queens, but in Denver, you’ll find the hardiest, toughest and smelliest Drag Queens around.

We did what 30 something Moes do, we watched the guys on the parade floats and wondered out loud if we were ever that skinny or that slutty. Then we did the loop around Civic Center cruising naked chests and avoiding the aforementioned ex-boyfriends. Trying to eat a funnel cake and still look hot is not so easy, but I think I pulled it off. And just as our forefathers gays did before us we then marched back up the hill to the Wrangler for beer bust. The Stonewall riots instilled within us the right to stand shirtless in the sun and drink warm beer. All in all it was a pretty great pride.

This weekend was also our anniversary (How cute they met on Pride.) Fuzzy and I went to the Cherry Creek Grill for a romantical dinner. It was great, although the highlight was when Fuzzy was deep in romantic talk about us when I coughed and spewed a tiny little piece of cornbread across the table onto his new shirt. So as he continued about the strength of our relationship I stared at a huge stain growing on his chest. “Yes hunny, we are like a gay Marie and Pierre Curie… but I just spewed food onto you. Happy Anniversary.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

I almost forgot to mention what happened to “the silver spoon.” Well, I must say I really loved the great advice, but I thought the best thing to do was to come clean about stealing antique silver literally and figuratively. I first coached myself with “Yes, I did steal your grandmothers silver….. but your Pecs are huge today.”
One morning when Fuzzy looked particularly sleepy I took out the spoon from its hiding place to start the conversation that “Yes, I did steal your grandmothers silver.” As I turned to speak, Fuzzy was playing with Harley the Super-Shar-pei, scooped him up and quickly bonked heads. The dog staggered off into the dinning room and Fuzzy had to sit down for awhile. I just put the spoon back.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Hamburger Mary's Alfresco

They say that Denver is behind “real cities” by up to five years. I began to believe this, since I left Dallas I’ve lived without a lot of things that I believe are essential to being a slim, trim modern gay guy. This weekend however we’re starting to be a major Mo city. Yes, Hamburger Mary’s is opening their patio. I have not chilled on a Big Gay Patio since I wore Z Cavariccis. Well, maybe not that long ago.
I think of myself as an eclectic kind of gay, I just may be the last Mo in Denver to really like the Eagle. Sorry, It’s a great bar. I get great service and cool freak watching. While everyone is whining that is “Not good enough.” They will soon being whining that there’s not a Leather Bar in Denver.
Use it or lose it.
But back to the patio, Denver needed a real gay patio bar. Now ya might be thinking “But Steve.. JR’s has a patio?” Okay fine, whatever.
I have to admit that I hate JR’s. this is mostly due to the time spent in the real JR’s in Dallas. Let’s just say that there was a bartender that had my credit card number memorized.
But just go hang out at Mary’s and you’ll love it. It is like living in a real honest-to-goodness big gay Mecca. You can sip on a Martini, then walk down to the Wrangler and get your Bear on. GRRRR!
Next thing you know and we’ll get a gay coffee house, real gay Bingo and then sometime after that gay marriage.