Thursday, July 7, 2016

"Have a Nice Life!"

It is funny; how relationships work.

The more relationships you have, the more you have the opportunity to learn. Learn what works, what does not, and test in action how developed you are as a human. You also have the opportunity to repeat bad behaviors that only serve and self-protection, but create more harm.

This week I reconnected with a friend, completely by accident. And, by accident, I mean by me stepping out of my comfort zone.  Monday, July 4th Independence Day It was 7 am, and I didn’t want to wake up the boyfriend next to me in bed. I was clicking away on Facebook, via my phone. Grumbling as I always do, about how I should just delete my account, as it serves to only one good purpose. That being tormenting my roommate by posting inappropriate photos on his timeline. Truly it’s my life’s work, teasing my best friend Mike.  My mind wandered to how important he is to me, that we will be best friends for ever… then I started to roll back my life to other times I thought that. The feeling of safety that comes from have one friend that will never leave you. Then they do.

Jamie was the closest person to me for most of the nineties until 2002. Late fall, 2002. We decided to move to Dallas together, we lived together. We were inseparable.  But, a lot of dark stuff began to happen. It was as if a black velvet shroud came to envelop him. Pulling him from my reach, grasping for empty air were he once stood.  My Jeep Cherokee was packed and waiting as I sarcastically barked at him from the driveway, “have a nice life!” fully believing that he might be dead soon from drugs, or men, or both.

When some relationships end, a gaping hole seems to be the only evidence left where the other person is torn from your life.  You have to function in your day-today tasks, picking up Chinese takeout, waiting for your number to be called at the DMV, all the while, this dark red wound is there, slowly scabbing over and healing. It took by brain and body so long to heal, it was just a couple of years ago that I opened my eyes and discovered that Mike was going to stand next to me, regardless of the weather. Soon, forgetting the pain of any past relationship.

I thought about my relationship with Mike, how oddly adult is was, treating each other with respect and using open communication, when I suddenly wished I had those mature skills back in Dallas, late fall, 2002. I entered Jamie’s name in to the Facebook search bar. Almost automatically, my mind not realizing what my hands were doing. In seconds his face popped up. “God… I thought you were dead?” I sent a message, “Uh. Hi there.” I am so not eloquent with the written word.  Within seconds he responded with an avalanche of messages. Quickly we were speaking on the phone. We were Jamie and Steve again. But this time around, fourteen years later, it seems we have the maturity to function.

It is funny; how relationships work.

It took Mike to teach me how to be a friend, and I have taken those tools to heal a broken relationship from my past. But, Jamie seems to have taken my advice, he is having a nice life.