Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Resolutions 2009

It’s resolution time again. The good thing about having a blog is that it helps me remember all the stupid shit I’ve done in the past. To see what idiotic things I resolved to abide by for 2008 I just looked back to January. Remember January? I was only twenty days from going on an Atlantis cruise, had a job that I despised, and Alicia Keys topped the charts with No One.

Here’s my 2008 list:
1. Have a Breakfast Burrito Supreme at Pete’s Kitchen.
2. Stop making fun of guys at the gym that are wearing MC Hammer pants.
3. When I leave the first drive up window but yet have not arrived at the second drive up window to stop looking down at my cup holder and panicking that I did not get my Diet Coke and cussing that the Bas-tards forgot to give me my Diet Coke. Due to the fact that it is in fact always waiting for me at the second window.
4. Stop telling Child Molester jokes to Frank.
5. Upon seeing much more muscular guys stop thinking “Well I’ve got a much better sense of style and a much bigger cock.” It's true but really.

And here’s how it worked out:
1. Had a Pete’s Kitchen Burrito about once a week. Now, I’m bloated.
2. I’m sorry this was impossible. They're so easy to mock.
3. I stuck to this one! I now have faith in the fast food gods. Power be to the fast food gods. Forever and ever. Amen.
4. This one stuck as well, only due to Frank continually jabbing me with his lit cigarette. But, here’s one for you:
A child molester and a little boy walk into a dark forest. The boy starts to shiver. “This is scary, I don’t like this!” the Child molester turns to the boy and says “How do you think I feel? I’ve got to walk out of here alone!”
5. Wow, get her! Ego much?

Let’s focus on 2009. Here’s the train wreck for the future.

1. Yet again to have many Breakfast Burrito Supremes at Pete’s Kitchen.
2. Look at guys above the belt line in the bar.
3. Maybe buy some damn music once in awhile instead of waiting for Brent to make the rounds with his Zip drive.
4. Uh, maybe lose ten pounds? This may interfere with number one.
5. Get my groove back.

I think that these 5 resolutions will get me through 2009, and my life as it has been lived with dignity will remain in full contact.

1 comment:

Kezza said...

You misplaced your groove? Thats awful - where do you think you might have left it? Have you checked all your pockets? All the best for the new year and good luck with those resolutions, especially that belt-line one, I know I can't do it!