Friday, December 12, 2008


So, bored at work I decided to take care of some loose ends. I’ve been paying a rental fee of nine bucks for a wireless DSL box I got eight months ago from Qwest. I tried to use this DSL box but it did not play well with our Macs, Airtunes and all the other Mac toys in the house. I ended up with a Mac Airport.

The “rental fee” has clicked away at nine bucks every month since then. “It ends here” I thought. After the recorded jerk sent me through a dozen happy menus I got Nina. Poor Nina. She has to drive six hours after her shift ends at Qwest to take pie to her family’s house for Christmas, just to turn around and drive back so she can work the next day. She then proceeded to tell me that her handed down family recipe was for a “No-bake pumpkin pie” Uh, Eww. Suddenly, we’re friends enough to know the no-bake pumpkin pie recipe. NO! I don’t want your secret family recipe! Unlike you and your trailer, I’ve made career choices that allow me not only a stove but the free time to actually cook things.
Well……. that’s what I would say… if I didn’t need my DSL box turned in for a credit, and if I were a jerk.
When you point out people’s career choices that pretty much ends the possibility of getting pie recipes. Just so you know.
After being on hold long enough to rethink that maybe I did want no-bake pumpkin pie, or NBPP. She was pretty much all business at the point she returned to the line. She authorized the return of the DSL box. But, then asked why the name on the DSL was F____ _____ (Fuzzy’s full name.) Our whole relationship changed.
“Because he’s my life partner and I got him DSL as a wedding present because this is what we do when we can’t legally get married.”
*stunned silence*
I can tell she was thinking, “I nearly gave my famous family recipe to a self-professed H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L?! Can you imagine what Momma would think?”

I heard a LillianVernon catteelog drop. I stammered something, thanked her for her time and slammed down the phone. Wow. I might have some displaced holiday stress I might want to deal with.

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