Have you had a dating relationship with someone from another city? The typical long distance relationship. I wonder how this style of relationship works, the actual mechanics of attempting to establish closeness when the other person lives in another town. I have, of late, attempted to pursue this style of relationship. Trust me, it is harder than it looks.
As I have grown older my tough-guy, no hugging, "I need my space" policy has worn away. The idea of having a boyfriend whom lived a plain ride, or even a car ride away seemed perfect for my younger self. To see and date on a regular, yet infrequent timetable. I am finding lately that I have unknowingly changed this demeanor. The ginger-swimmer from last fall lived almost two hours away, the Spaniard before him lived in San Francisco. Now, I am finding that a relationship is the little things. The stupid stuff we do together when there is not a time crunch. Dating is not the hot sex. It is the hot sex followed by wandering around the supermarket together, afterward in search of food. Maybe grabbing coffee and just wasting away a morning. Together.
I would never shoot down a hot boy that actually wanted to take on the bag of neurotic strangeness that is me, just because he lives an hour north of my town, it is not a deal breaker. It just seems I am scratching my head at the extra time it takes to build that level of closeness when time is so limited.
As I have grown older my tough-guy, no hugging, "I need my space" policy has worn away. The idea of having a boyfriend whom lived a plain ride, or even a car ride away seemed perfect for my younger self. To see and date on a regular, yet infrequent timetable. I am finding lately that I have unknowingly changed this demeanor. The ginger-swimmer from last fall lived almost two hours away, the Spaniard before him lived in San Francisco. Now, I am finding that a relationship is the little things. The stupid stuff we do together when there is not a time crunch. Dating is not the hot sex. It is the hot sex followed by wandering around the supermarket together, afterward in search of food. Maybe grabbing coffee and just wasting away a morning. Together.
I would never shoot down a hot boy that actually wanted to take on the bag of neurotic strangeness that is me, just because he lives an hour north of my town, it is not a deal breaker. It just seems I am scratching my head at the extra time it takes to build that level of closeness when time is so limited.
I have friends that have done the bi-coastal relationship and god knows there are a lot of Boston guys who date guys in NYC, Philly and DC, but I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteI want someone who is closer to share the little things in life together as you described it.
I don't want to drive from Denver to Boulder for a date.
ReplyDeleteFive minutes after Luis' plane takes off, I miss him terribly. Five minutes after he walks in the door, I'm asking -- as nonchalantly as possible -- when his next trip is.
ReplyDeleteI went back and forth from Chicago to Detroit for 3-4 years. It worked out!
ReplyDeleteGood thing you live in this century. Just think of what long distance relationships were like around 1850! Imagine having to travel by horse (oh the saddle sores!) or wagon (think of the old "Oregon Trail" computer game we had in school) or buggy. Of course in 1850 you had to deal with things like the plague and the news was all about the Fugitive Slave Act and the Great Compromise of 1850, not to mention the relative obscurity of same-sex relationships. Have you read Walt Whitman's "Leaves of Grass"? It's a real sleeper - but was quite the porn of its day. People didn't smile much in pictures either. Perhaps the OPTION of having a long-distance relationship isn't such a bad idea in this day and age after all.
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