It is funny; how relationships work.
The more relationships you have, the more you have the opportunity
to learn. Learn what works, what does not, and test in action how developed you
are as a human. You also have the opportunity to repeat bad behaviors that only
serve and self-protection, but create more harm.
This week I reconnected with a friend, completely by accident.
And, by accident, I mean by me stepping out of my comfort zone. Monday, July 4th Independence Day It
was 7 am, and I didn’t want to wake up the boyfriend next to me in bed. I was
clicking away on Facebook, via my phone. Grumbling as I always do, about how I
should just delete my account, as it serves to only one good purpose. That
being tormenting my roommate by posting inappropriate photos on his timeline.
Truly it’s my life’s work, teasing my best friend Mike. My mind wandered to how important he is to me,
that we will be best friends for ever… then I started to roll back my life to
other times I thought that. The feeling of safety that comes from have one
friend that will never leave you. Then they do.
Jamie was the closest person to me for most of the nineties
until 2002. Late fall, 2002. We decided to move to Dallas together, we lived together.
We were inseparable. But, a lot of dark
stuff began to happen. It was as if a black velvet shroud came to envelop him.
Pulling him from my reach, grasping for empty air were he once stood. My Jeep Cherokee was packed and waiting as I sarcastically
barked at him from the driveway, “have a nice life!” fully believing that he
might be dead soon from drugs, or men, or both.
When some relationships end, a gaping hole seems to be the
only evidence left where the other person is torn from your life. You have to function in your day-today tasks,
picking up Chinese takeout, waiting for your number to be called at the DMV,
all the while, this dark red wound is there, slowly scabbing over and healing. It
took by brain and body so long to heal, it was just a couple of years ago that
I opened my eyes and discovered that Mike was going to stand next to me, regardless
of the weather. Soon, forgetting the pain of any past relationship.
I thought about my relationship with Mike, how oddly adult
is was, treating each other with respect and using open communication, when I
suddenly wished I had those mature skills back in Dallas, late fall, 2002. I
entered Jamie’s name in to the Facebook search bar. Almost automatically, my
mind not realizing what my hands were doing. In seconds his face popped up. “God…
I thought you were dead?” I sent a message, “Uh. Hi there.” I am so not
eloquent with the written word. Within
seconds he responded with an avalanche of messages. Quickly we were speaking on
the phone. We were Jamie and Steve again. But this time around, fourteen years
later, it seems we have the maturity to function.
It is funny; how relationships work.
It took Mike to teach me how to be a friend, and I have taken
those tools to heal a broken relationship from my past. But, Jamie seems to have taken my advice, he is having a nice life.
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