HELEN KELLER

Without going into too much detail let’s set the scene of today’s Stevie tail in a public bathroom stall. During the festivities I decided to blow my nose. As I started to blow I inadvertently sucked in a large portion of toilet tissue into my mouth. I grossed out and started to gag, “Gaaack, gawwwwck, gaaaaaag!”
Then, I tried to spit all the gooey tissue out of my now dry mouth. As I spit and spit and spit I soon realized that my next door neighbor was making uncomfortable noises of his own.
“Uhhh, what the hell are you doing?”
Jesus, the next guy over is barking at me! What do I say? Spitting out toilet tissue? Something’s stuck to the top of my mouth and I can’t get it out? Say "Dude, it got into my mouth!" Damn! Quickly I decided that I was going to pretend I was Helen Keller. Unable to speak nor hear. This means I cannot comprehend the noises I was making and could not hear his question to answer it. I just sat there, a deaf-mute until the disembodied voice, left. Once again Helen Keller saved my life. Is there anything Helen Keller can’t do?