Mmmmmmm Turkey

Last night I lay in bed wondering how to drive to work. I hadn’t been there for a week and I couldn’t remember the highway exit. I found it, damn. So ends another Thanksgiving holiday.

Here’s a picture of our soon to be devoured turkey…



And here’s a picture of Fuzzy, after hours of cooking and eating the turkey….



On Thursday Fuzz and I went to a friend’s house. Being the cool/hip lesbians that they are it was held in their massive turn of the century barn they’ve turned into a performance art space. When we arrived at the farm we found people from all walks of life mingling with the help from great music and great wine. We hung out with a hip and trendy tattooed minister and a gay couple that insisted everyone did Ready-Whip shots. I despise and loath Thomas Kinkade but, it did seem like a gay Thomas Kinkade painting.

So here’s how we spent the remainder of the weekend.

Turkey sandwiches...


Well……and some gun oil…..for my gun.

DESKTOP FRIDAY

This is what's been on my desktop this week. Does anyone know where this is from?



I've found it here: majakovskij and it f%$kin rocks! Can you tell I'm trying to find more комиксах from ВО ВРЕМЯ ХОЛОДНОЙ ВОЙНЫ?

YOU PLUCK A CHICKEN

This guy…..



was arrested this week for allegedly shooting his own son. There is nothing like a well arched brow. Maybe the kid was playing with his tweezers.

----------------

On another note same deal, just a year later...

STEVIEB GETS SAUCY

Fuzzy’s Parents are coming over to our home for Thanksgiving dinner on Friday. Our second Thanksgiving as we’re heading to Frank’s house after I watch hours upon hours of parade Thursday morning. This meant we spent five hours in the local Kroger last night shopping. Krogering. Me, with my printed out list for cheesecake and Fuzzy going off his brain power. The same brain that’s been trying to memorize Messiaen’s La Transfiguration de Notre Seigneur Jésus-Christ.



It was fine, with the screaming children and Moms with bad hair. Until, we got to the cranberry sauce. This is when my homosexual life partner asked if I preferred the jellied can kind or the canned jelly kind.

Steve turned his head sideways.

“Um…you get what your parents prefer.” I said hoping that would be good enough. “Where you raised with the kind that you have to dislodge from the can?”

“What do you want?” Fuzz pressed for an answer. “We’ll get what you want.”

“Well, I was raised on the sauce that looks like the can it came in. Like The Franklin expedition celebrates a holiday. I now prefer Fresh Cranberry Compote…. ginger… Orange zest…” The look in my partners eyes trying to make cranberry compote in his head, made me realize that canned sauce may save this man from a total mental breakdown.

“Or…yummy canned sauce!” I shouted with glee.



*Note to Steve*
Learn how to make cranberry compote for next year.

See I’m a Gay, ya homophobe!

Don’t ya just love those lazy weekends? Dalton and I went to see the local gay hockey team wipe the floor with the straights. I shot some video so, I spent some of Saturday editing. Hopefully it will be up soon. Later on Saturday I was at the gym when a random guy came up to ask if wrestled at Oregon State. My first thought was “what the hell are you talking about?” Until I looked down and realized it was printed across my chest. Oregon State Wrestling. Now my first response is to say “I stole it from an ex boyfriend.” But, he was some random guy and being the only gay in the gym decided to stutter on about dead lifts.

Turns out he was the head coach of Denver’s rugby team the Denver Harlequins. When he asked if I played rugby I mentioned that I tried out for a team and love rugby but, he would not let me play for him as I’m the only gay in the village. I tried out for a Gay Rugby team. The Denver Wildfire. A gay rugby team.
“Great team!” He responded. “We have Frank, Jim, and Scott playing with us.”
“No, no I can’t play on your team. See I’m a Gay, ya homophobe."
"Yeah, we do joint practices with the Wildfire, You looked familiar."

Okay, the gay part didn’t happen…..outside of my head. But, I was recruited by the head coach to try out for Harlequins. That’s something. That and I watched a lot of Little Britain over the weekend, in case... you couldn’t tell.

DESKTOP FRIDAY

What on StevieB's desktop this week?




Take a walk around Kozyndan.com
Thanks to Dalton for the pic!

TWO GAYS IN BED

I got a call from the other half yesterday. “I’m siiick. I’z gounnnin homz.” Which means he was sick and heading for our bed with a Shar-pei close behind. Poor guy, I stopped and picked up some food and went to tend to his achy head and stuffed-up nose.

When I got to his side, I made him close the Macbook and eat some take away. I got him excited that a new Netflix movie arrived and we could hang out in bed and watch a movie. That plan was quickly squashed when I realized that the movie wasn’t the 2006 movie No Regret but, the 1969 collection of Doctor Who, The War Games series. Which he can’t stomach on a good stomach. In the end it did work out, he felt it was so boring it put him out for the remainder of the evening.

BUNNIES!

Have I mentioned how much I hate WORD VERIFICATION? But, not as much as having Viagra ads crammed into every hole in the universe.

This is going to be a Non Sequitur post as I’m not really awake yet.

Bunnies!

I was driving home last night and since we’re in a rural area I was on a stretch of county road with fields on both sides. I saw a blur run from across one of the fields heading for the Jeep. I quickly spotted it as a rabbit, a huge frickin cotton tail bunny. With a death wish. I was sure I hit it; I looked down and saw that he had turned to not get hit and was running along side of my Jeep. Like he was trying to yell something to me. “Tatonka! Tatonka!” Well after a couple of seconds of amazement I wasn’t gonna let no bunny beat me in a race, so I floored it. Teach him to chase cars. Ah, nature. Can I live in a gay ghetto now?

Mars!

Has anyone seen The Waters of Mars yet? Anyone? Beuller? If you don’t know what I’m speaking of, it’s okay. You’re not geeky enough. Speaking of Geeky, I watched the launch of the space shuttle Atlantis on Monday. It’s mission to take replacement parts and worms to the space station.

Dullest mission ever.

Furnace filters and worms? Like a trip to the hardware store. I did watch it via the Towelroad blog, and when I called over a co-worker she saw the banner add and asked if the gays have their own NASA department. I said yes, because I think that would be a cool rumor to start.

“Gays are trying to launch a satellite to destroy the sanctity of marriage!”

Coffee!

Okay, we’re done with our Non Sequitur post. Fueled by the broken coffee maker in my office. My drag name, right now would be Miss Ann Thrope. Have a great day, watch out for bunnies and have you checked out the L shape Window blog? Take a look.

Cagney & Lacey

This was taken on some cruise somewhere... I thought it was fun. Until someone pointed out that Jerrod and I look like Cagney and Lacey.





Oh Mary Beth.

THE GREAT CHRISTMAS TREE DEBATE

I can now say that the Great Christmas Tree Debate is over. For this year.
When you’re coupled off the best part of having a relationship, other than the connubial rights is having someone to go with you to bring home a Christmas tree.

When a was a little fagglette, I dreamed that one day I would have a big hairy guy to drag the taped-up cardboard box from the basement and put our little tree together piece by piece. In our well appointed house with its name-brand appliances. Okay, I was that “type” of little gay boy. Sue me, as I grew older the only thing that changed is that hauling your tree up from the basement is not nearly as romantic as going out to the wilderness and chopping down a fresh, live tree. When I lived in Dallas, I drug Dalton through hours of Texas mud, to find just the right green symbol of Christ’s birth to axe murder. Oh, the smell...the smell. You could just smell the season in the air.

It came as a shock last week when the other half calmly stated,
“We should just buy a tree…yeah know… to have, then we don’t have go get one from a cold lot from a registered sex offender, just to have it die on us?”

Blasphemy!

And so started the great debate, real or fake plastic. Oh, the tears and the high pitched whining. The endless crying. Begging. The non-stop begging. It was just embarrassing.

Nothing worked on that man. But seeing as we have a healthy relationship we soon came to a compromise. Beautiful and real one year, gross, dumb, fake the next. See compromise.

Last Saturday, we walked out of the Uber store with one amazing 12 feet ready to assemble symbol of our harmonious life. We had to get 12 feet tall, because anything shorter would just be a cop-out. What? I’m a size queen. For trees that is.

DESKTOP FRIDAY

This is my new favorite photo, meaning it's my desktop picture...



It was this...



I found it here.

THE KOOL KIA KOUP

Would Kez over at Muttonchop Mutant hate me if I bought this?




It’s the Kia Koup. Kind of cute isn’t it. Is it? And by "cute" I mean super-cool. I’ve been reading up on it. When I see a picture, I turn my head to the left like a dog trying to figure it out. I really like it……but….it’s a two door car……Kia.


On another note. I got shushed in our parking garage this morning. Maybe I was listening to Prodigy a little loud. but, it's 5AM.....in a parking garage. not the time for Mr. Lexus to shhhhhh me. Damn it.

IVRI LIDER

Have you heard Ivri Lider yet? Check out Ivri Lider.com



“Ten years ago, Ivri Lider was a young musician taking his career first step. A decade later he is one of the most successful pop/rock artists in Israel.”
You can buy his albums here or itunes. Check him out, he'll be a great add to your library.


JESSE

GHOST IN THE STEVIEB

I’ve been watching my favorite TV show via our spunky little DVR. Ghost In The Shell is on Cartoon Network at 1:30 AM, Sunday morning. I obviously watch this Japanese futuristic police anime after the gym on Monday nights. Two weeks ago I raced home to watch it. When I clicked on the play button I got Cartoon Network’s crappy sixteen year old boy’s cartoon featuring a douche-bag talking meatball.

Okay, no biggie. The DVR recorded something wrong. Fine. It was only the last episode of the 2nd series, where everything was solved and the story line finished. Maybe they showed it at the wrong time. It will be on again……..

Last Monday, I rush home. The episode is number one, from the first series. I let out a nerd scream. The kind you hear only when nerds find out they don’t make 12 sided dice any more.




I guess it’s back to watching it over again. Damn it.

The Power of 2012

Over the weekend I heard more people talking about 2012. 2012, 2012, 2012 It makes me groan that someone has figured out how to make a buck making up crap just to scare people. Seriously. This makes me wonder what that complete hottie Joseph Campbell would think.

He's the dude that coined the phrase: FOLLOW YOUR BLISS.


I'm beginning to believe that anyone who's playing in to this garbage should be strapped into a chair and made to watch Bill Moyer's six hour conversation with Joseph Campbell. The Power of Myth was a six part interview in 1988 and is a riveting conversion with one of the great men of our time. That and he rocks in a plaid sport coat.

I've been told I'm very transparent.

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

THE NEW FORD TAURUS

Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus




Thanks to Gooster for finding this

5 ON THE FIFTH

This month’s theme was colour. Please check out the other 5's from around the world. A huge thanks to Stephen at The State Of The Nation UK blog!

WHITE

BLACK

FLESH TONE

GOD

SILVER (Anniversary)

SPEW FORTH USELESS KNOWLEDGE

Did you know that Crystal Gayle and Loretta Lynn are sisters? How about that Taco Bell was started by a guy named Glenn Bell.

The other day I was riding around with the guys. We weren’t talking about much just the usual gay boy conversation. When the topic turned to Taco Bell, I mentioned that Taco Bell was founded by a guy named Mr. Bell. Dalton called bullshit; this was due to eight years of being around me. He knows I have a knack of remembering useless bits of trivia. Then spewing them back at any time with only half the supporting story. With maybe some colorful fiction added in...just to make the story better. This is why Wikipedia has changed my life. Anytime I need to substantiate a fact….when someone happens to be calling me a liar. I can now Wikipedia it.

So, the next time the conversation turns to equine health, and you get an eye roll from your friends after you causally mention that horses can’t vomit. Think of me and pull out your iPhone to Wikipedia it. It's true....really.

Really.

THE 455TH POST

Today marks my 455th post! Time just flies by; it seems just yesterday I was writing about useless crap way back in November of 2007. Well, I’d like to take this moment to thank everyone that stopped by my tiny, idiotic blog to read about the life and times of StevieB.

Collective Aaaaawh.

Let’s move on to another 455 shalist we? After seeing a photo of the scarcest thing I could think of Halloween costume…



It’s back to the diet. Today I’m having a protein pancake. They call it a pancake to make it sound as if you’re not eating egg whites and oatmeal. Here’s the recipe, it only has: 3.3 g of fat. I actually love the taste. But, I’m weird. Smear enough peanut butter on it and you forget your eating rubbery eggs. Yummy.

SHAR-BEE

There's nothing like getting drunk then dressing up your shar-pei...



You really can tell he had fun.

CABIN FEVER

I think I have cabin fever. Working from home the last two days due to Denver’s first snowstorm has caused my credit card some serious damage. This is due to the fact that I keep buying underwear and music online. All day. Now, I have a 4X4 so….I guess I could go to work and to the gym. But, it’s all cold and ya’know snowy… and stuff.

This has nothing to do with my backed up Netflix cue and the dog…he needs me.

My offical desk for work and buying 2xist undies.

SNOW DAY!

Woo-Hoo! Snow day. I'm off to make snow angels.

SPOT

I don’t read our local town’s newspaper. Mostly because I don’t care that much about agricultural and crop news. That and it’s written horribly. If I wanted to read bad run on sentences I’d read my own.

Yesterdays lead story was about a husband and wife that delivered their third child on the living room rug. It went on to say how the extended family all “helped” to bring their new baby boy into the world. I pictured years from now the Mother screaming “You kids stop playing with Stanley's spot and go out to the back yard!”

I figured they would name him Stanley, because next to the article was an add for Stanley Steemer, the carpet cleaning professionals. Their tag line? We can get out any stain.

NICE TO SEE STEVIEB...IN THE DARK

The power went out at Southfork last Saturday night. I didn’t notice until Fuzzy walked up with a lit candle in his hand. This was because I was watching excessive amounts of Doctor Who on the laptop via Netflix and, he wanted to scare the crap out of me. After some missed woo pitching we hung out in the street with the neighbors until I thought “Jerrod works for 911! Let’s call him to complain!” He claimed it wasn’t his fault but, he was helpful in letting us know that the power company would have us lit within that hour.

I only bring this up in case you ask about the bruise on my shin. Also because I spent the next darkened hour going through my iPhoto files to find some photos to share. Cool hu?

Dalton snapped this one in 2006, it was a bathroom wall in Brooklyn, NY.


God loves black dick! I think I’ve found my 2009 Christmas card.



This is from some White Party…somewhere…sometime…



I’ve never noticed my friend, Frank in the background. It’s like he’s saying:
“Look in to my eyes, look directly into my eyes, not around my eyes…directly into my eyes!” Sorry, too much Little Britain.


Have you ever posed with a bronze sculpture? Been to say, Benjamin Franklin's house and took a picture of you next to a six foot tall Ben. Or stood next to a mannequin of someone famous? Then wondered why?



Here’s a great picture of Jerrod posing next to an UNDISCLOSED gentleman who just had a Prince Albert piercing. It’s like he’s at Disney Land.

And that was a tour around Stevie's iPhotos. Good buys!

DJ Bill Bennett

Best new album for the gym, his rhythm will get you through your workout.



Big Muscle of the rhythm. Buy it Amazon or iTunes.

Check out his site at DJ Bill Bennett.com

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW COMRADE?

Here’s a great article from English Russia.com showing that you can stick a cell tower anywhere. Even in an Ukrainian monument to the Motherland’s war dead. Read the artical here.

STEZZIE B.

I received this E-mail from my friend Michelle yesterday. Raven is her three year old, who I recently bought a pink, play vacuum as a birthday present.

*Sigh*
Today Raven called you Stevie not Stezzie… damn it. She's figured it out. And then when I asked her to repeat what she said she called you 'Steve"… um, WTH.

I hate that she's growing up so fast …
I love you - very much.
Michelle

I don’t think I can handle with a three year old calling me Steve. It seems she's smarter then me. Well...besides the obvious.

StevieB. is on a mission

My strong ethical standing and moral character stems from my youth serving missions for The Church of Latter-Day Saints. Here’s just a glimpse of what I learned…..

PLUG IN PLASTIC CRAP

There are thirty-five days until I get to put up the Christmas lights. So, only thirty four more days of bugging the other half about putting up the Christmas lights. I love this time of year.

We were standing in the back isle of our local Gay Target, I was pondering about the taste level of animatronic, glowing willow moose. At what point do light up holiday wildlife become tacky? I asked out loud. It was a rhetorical question but was also answered by Fuzzy. At any point. You smack down plug-in anything in a front yard, and you’ve just crossed a threshold, the one that says, a trip to Branson, Missouri might be fun. A fanny pack would keep you organized. Then you’re a short hop to being upset because you have to dress up to go to Wal-Mart.

Now I’m thinking “understated elegance” is the way to go.