BIKE Shorts

I’ve started to work out at my school’s gym on the days I have class. I find that during that time of day I’m completely alone in the gym, other than Mr. Eller.




You want them to look like this...

Mr. Eller is the head of the athletic department and connoisseur of polyester coach shorts. We met a couple of weeks past when during my orientation to the gym explained to me what dumbbells are verses free weights. I feigned interest when showing me the emergency stop on the tread mills, I then expressed shared enthusiasm for making sure every plate gets returned to the correct place. Upon showing me the locker room and showers I was surprised when he didn’t demonstrate the proper soap lathering technique.  

...when they really look like this.

I have spent a lot of time since then thinking about gym coaches. No, not like you think. Okay, sort of like you think, but more about their style. I’ve been wondering about when a young man, fresh form college with a degree in physical training and education of athletics stops and says “I really need an ensemble that is comfortable, kicky, yet demands respect?” He then searches the finer magazines designed for the up and coming coach. CoachVogue and CQ (Coaches Quarterly) both point to the B I K E short. Not bike shorts or biking shorts, no. BIKE shorts. They’re comfortable, accentuate the upper thigh, and demand respect as they are cut in a maternity style under the belly. And every coach in the United States MUST wear them.

My new bud, Mr. Eller has a rainbow of colors in BIKE shorts. This has started me to think about my upper thighs. Have I denied showcasing my thighs to the world? I just might head to the sports shop and pick me up a pair. Get my polyester on.