Thursday, February 28, 2013

I Just Want to Go to Sleep

I am answering questions posted by Sean from the Just a Jeep Guy blog. The questions are based around the bedroom. Precisely sleep.
Number five: Do you hog the blankets?
I learned a valuable lesson from an incredibly sexy man (Steven Mies on Facebook) I quazi-dated in Dallas years ago. His philosophy was that if you forget to make your bed, it will begin a string of daily tasks you will forget. Meaning, if you get lazy and don’t make your bed, then you have a green light to slough off everything for that day. “Didn’t make my bed...guess I don’t need to floss either. Didn’t floss? Cookies for lunch.” Feel bad from eating nothing but cookies, crank it up on the toll-way. Bam!  $200 speeding ticket. That $200 bucks was to take out that hot guy you’ve been stocking on Scruff for two months. 
You have plaque, you’re fat, your car insurance is going up, and that hot guy wont go out with you because you had to cancel that one time, all because you didn’t make your bed. I’m trying to help you get laid here. Make your bed. 
I live by this philosophy. When starting to share a bed with the Fuzzy Monster, my lifetime homosex companion partner, I quickly noticed two things, first was he believed in the “buy a set of sheets; put them on the bed; never take them off” concept. You know what I mean. Second, he is also is a major blanket hog. So is the bowling ball of a dog. If you ask Fuzzy, he’ll say he is not. He’ll vehemently deny that he even uses the covers. “I’m Italian, we’re hot blooded, we don’t need blankets.”  Yet, for the first two years, I’d wake up in the middle of the night with a quarter inch supply of sheet. The majority of the blanket acreage would be balled up under the Shar-pei and the around the Italian’s legs.  This is when I started to move to a new approach to making the bed. 
I went out and bought a replica of our blanket, and began making the bed, by only placed my doppelgänger blanket only on my side. Genius! No one in the bedroom was the wiser. I had my comforter I could wrap around just me and left the original to my bed fellows.  
It was just this Christmas that I switched my tactical operation. Tired of making the bed as one would make an Excel spreadsheet, I requested  a new high-end comforter, in king-sized for the queen-sized bed. Now the dog and man can have their tiny amount barely hang off their side as my vast tracks of down comforter cascades down onto the floor. Heaven. I have also found it’s easier to make the bed in the morning. When I remember.  

1. What do you wear to bed?
2. Who or what sleeps with you at night?
3. Do you like a cold room or a hot room?
4. Many blankets, or just one?
5. Do you hog the blankets?
6. What size is your bed and what kind of mattress is it?
7. Do you eat in bed?
8. What kind of sleeper are you?
9. What is under your bed? 
BONUS: What won't you do in bed?


Jim said...

I know Steven Mies! He is a hottie!

cb said...

My whole philosophy about bedmaking revolves around the concept of Entropy.

The universe wants disorder... just like the bed. Fighting against the true nature of the universe is futile.

So I just toss the comforter sorta up in place and that's that.