Friday, August 8, 2014

Steve in The Box

I have been attempting to eat in a healthier manner. This is a far cry from the back-lash of my stuff-everything-into-my-face-hole policy I employed after the Speedo clad cruise in February. There has been an increase of dinning on the Caesar salad at restaurants, and finding myself heading to vegetarian / Vegan place to dine. On my own. And enjoying it.

This is of course not calculating my dark, deep secret. My addiction.

I have been hiding this addiction from my friends and family. My complete chemical addiction to Jack in The Box. An addiction that I am powerless to conquer. As an example, I'll will give you last Friday: For lunch I ate my healthy prepared salad to get me through evening. I then left work after ten p.m. and made a straight path for Jack in The Box for a teriyaki bowl and three egg rolls. Which, I ate sitting in my Jeep in the parking lot of my gym.  After happy egg roll time, I did go have a massively great work out, so there is that. After the gym I headed to the bar which I then closed. As I'm friends with the entire staff, I hung out after closing to watch a series of strange events, including a round of  "foreskin shots. " Better if you don't ask. I was neither the shot glass, nor the drinker.  But, I finally, in my life, feel cheated in that I don't have a built in shot glass.

Around four a.m. I headed towards the ranch. On my way I stopped off at... you guested it, Jack inThe Box. Consuming a front seat full of horrible, tasty items like a bear eating a small goat. If the bear drove a well-apointed, yet dented Jeep.

So my secret is out. I require my friends to help me kick this self-destructive habit. A habit I'm powerless to stop.  Jack. I'm braking up with you.  I know you bring me instant happiness. I know how much you love me, yet it's a calorie filled empty love. You're just no good for me. 

4 comments:

anne marie in philly said...

a thought - take the money you WOULD spend on JITB and buy yourself something nice, like a pair of pants with a smaller waist size.

(confidentially, I thought JITB went outta business years ago)

foreskin shots - uh, no, not my thing. shots in a proper shot glass - HELLA YEAH!

Blobby said...

First off, I hope it was a purposeful typo for "Jank in the Box" . Secondly, JitB makes me sicker than sick - or is that Car'ls Jr (or is there a difference between those two?).

Thirdly, it iS best some of us know more about these foreskin shots and where one might "hang around" to see this. {call me}

Pac said...

1: Speaking from experience, StevieB in a speedo is a sight to behold.

2: I too was robbed as an infant of my natural shot glass. Unless you count the three fingers of single-malt scotch I can serve from my navel.

3: Oh Stevie. Have you forgotten my iPhone app that GPS tracks you like an endangered polar bear? Your friends know.

Ur-spo said...

well said !