Monday, April 12, 2010

LIVING FOR THE WEEKEND

I was driving near Cheeseman Park on Ninth Avenue when I came across two queens talking about their relationship at full volume right in the middle of Ninth. Apparently two twinks decided that their argument needed to be taken outside of Mom’s PT Cruiser. Just as I felt it was safer for me to stop my car and let them tucker themselves out, they both got back in and started to pull away. Great I thought, but as I started to take my foot off the break the Taco Bell started to fly. Out the window. The driver started chucking Taco Supremes out onto the street. With some gusto. This is when I thought to myself. “I never thought I’d say this: Should I start driving forward and chance getting my car hit with a full speed lovers torment taco?” I stayed put and let a couple more tacos come flying from the driver’s window; lettuce exploding into the air like Mexican hand-grenades as each one slammed to the pavement. Then watched in horror as the Shock and Awe completed and  they sped away. The only thing that really gets hurt when you fight with your spouse are the Tacos.
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Fuzzy and I went to the Auto Show on Saturday. He ran straight for the Ram Trucks while I wandered around the Dodge/Chrysler section. Eventually getting into a 2010 Dodge Avenger, mostly because I needed to sit down for awhile and thought nobody would bother me inside an Avenger.  When I got in I looked over and spotted a camera on the passenger seat. Being a good fag, I picked it up and snapped some glamour shots. Then sat the camera back down and went to find Fuzz drooling over his Big Horn, Dodge truck. Let’s fast forward two hours. We’re sitting in the Audi S5 when a Chrysler salesman comes up to me, all excited.

“Sir I’m glad I found you! Did someone in your party lose a camera?”

“Nope.” I say.

He looks down at my pursed lips on the cameras screen.

“Yeah, sorry.” I say as I turn to catch up to Fuzzy.

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I think I’m going to start a new site and call it HOW TO GET BLOCKED ON GRINDR.

A guy hit me up with the opener “Ai, Papi! You're huge, You Latino cuz you lookit."  To which I responded “Well, I’ve had some Latino in me. “
No response.

Another guy hit me up with “Dude you’re huge! Gotz other pics?” So I sent him a photo of John Goodman.
No response.

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I watched the movie For a Lost Soldier last night in my ongoing quest to watch every Gay foreign film on the planet. Wow. What a haunting and disturbing movie. If you became sexually aware at a young age like me you might want to think about this film.

Now, let's start the week shall we?

5 comments:

Dead Robot said...

lettuce exploding into the air like Mexican hand-grenades

Had to stop there a moment to mop up the tea that shot through my nose.

Christopher said...

You didn't snatch the camera? You really are a good fag...oh, and Dude, you're HUGE!

Wonder Man said...

“Dude you’re huge! Gotz other pics?” So I sent him a photo of John Goodman.
No response... Love that

The Mutant said...

You know if I Grindr'd you and you sent me a pic of John Goodman I'd be all over you like stink on a monkey. Of course I'd never lead with 'Dude, look atchoo - U is one massive unit' I'd be more like: 'I dig your glasses, wanna come back to my place, bake cookies and make out for a while'

Not that it'd probably get me anywhere, that's just what I'd say. If I had an iPhone. And grindr.

Blobby said...

I am in my office DYING - just laughing laughing laughing at all of this, mostly the camera. Love it. Love you!

I would have gone through to see what pics they took though.

As for Taco Bell and PT Cruiser? That's about the best case scenario when you involve those to items. And really, it's the best outcome for Taco Bell anyway.