Wednesday, April 30, 2008


This is what happens every night at Southfork.
Steve-Um, what’s for dinner?
Fuzzy-What do you want?
Steve- Food.
Fuzzy-What kinda food?
Steve-Something good.
This goes on for awhile, longer then any two men should possibility talk this way. I can make where to eat into a scene from Hamlet.
“O! what a rogue and peasant slave am I to Taco Bell!”

We decided that pancakes where the only way to go for dinner and we found ourselves at Uber-Target. Now, I personally will only eat pure maple syrup but Fuzz will only eat that brown stuff that’s 99% High-Fructose corn syrup. This is when he turned to me and asked. “Who do you think would win in a cage match, Aunt Jemima or Mrs. Butterworth?” “Well I guess, who ever wants it more.” “Well, They’re both strong black women.” I stopped a second, “Mrs. Butterworth is Caucasian.” Fuzzy looked like I just stated that the Pope was a Scientologist. “No, She’s of African Descent” “Ummm, I think she’s white. Ya-know grandmotherly, cute little white woman. “No she’s a strong black grandmother!” So this continued on for quite a while, so long that a big haired house wife had to quickly grab Log Cabin and run. We decided that we were going to “Google it.” Either way Aunt Jemima has had a harder life and would take Butterworth in 2 rounds.
I’ve been reading everything I can find on this Butterworth creature. I’ve found nothing to prove for a fact the ethnic heritage of this woman I grew up with. I did find that the voice for Mrs. Butterworth, Mary Kay Bergman, took her own life at age 39 in 1999. That will dampen your Syrupy goodness. Oh, Mrs. Butterworth you are truly what Barack Obama means when he speaks of Ethnic culture in America. It is not the package that we judge it’s the syrup inside.


Gooster said...

What ethnicity was Mary Kay?

StevieB said...

Well, it’s funny that you mention Mary Kay or Mary Kay Ash as she is known.[said out-loud with a heavy draaaawwl.] I once found my self driving around Dallas looking for an apartment I happened upon a garish pale pink mansion. I mentioned this to a someone later and her reply was “ Yeer not fruum heer are yae?” “ No, I from a land that does not choose to paint our homes the color of nipples. I was then told the “history” of that famous landmark.
Mary Kay grew up in Hot Wells, Texas. When facing new and daunting tasks, her mother encouraged her with, “You can do it, Mary Kay. You can do it.” Mary Kay Ash did more than embrace this empowering spirit – she passed it on through a remarkable company that would inspire millions in generations to come. That company story didn’t begin until Mary Kay Ash faced a situation all too familiar to women. After 25 years in the direct selling business, Mary Kay Ash resigned her position as a national training director when yet another man she had trained was promoted above her – at twice her salary. Her response was visionary. At first, she started writing a book that would help women gain the opportunities she had been denied. But soon she realized she was creating a plan that would do much more than give advice. It formed the foundation for a new opportunity where women could develop their talents and achieve unlimited success. So in 1963, with her past experience, her plan and $5,000 in savings, Mary Kay Ash enlisted the help of her 20-year-old son, Richard, and created Beauty by Mary Kay. It was a first – a company dedicated to making life more beautiful for women. It was founded not on the competitive rule but on the Golden Rule – on praising people to success – and on the principle of placing faith first, family second and career third. It was a company, as Mary Kay Ash often said, “with heart.” Today her vision, her courage and her unwavering spirit continue to bring women the opportunity to achieve their potential and bring their dreams to life. With 1.7 million Independent Beauty Consultants in more than 30 markets worldwide, Mary Kay carries on the legacy of Mary Kay Ash – inspiring, enriching and empowering women to do great things. The famous pink color on her Cadillac’s, her house and her clothes came from that fact that pink was her life-long favorite color. So, it’s a given that she’s a big hair Texas white woman, and being from Central Texas, she just didn’t like black people.