Thursday, June 24, 2010

I DO NOT WANT A FAT WIFE

I went into our local floral shop yesterday to buy a dozen roses and some balloons for Fuzzy. It’s our anniversary and since I always forget stuff like this I figured that flowers would be an extra surprise. I hate walking into these types of stores, I feel like the old proverb: A bull in a china shop. Years ago I went to the MAC store (cosmetics not apples) and as I walked in I was mistaken for the air-conditioning repair man and shown to the back room by a little gay boy in blue eye shadow. That was the last time my friend Michelle got MAC from me.

I pointed to some flowers and stated that I wanted some HAPPY ANNIVERSARY balloons. As the huge banged trailer-park debutant started to blow helium into my balloons she also started to sell me extra crap.

“We have some lovely chocolates that your wife would just love!”

“Uh……. No thanks.” I said. Forcing some gay into my voice.

“I guess you don’t wanta fat wife.” She said with chuckle, making her love handles move like a sleeping baby pig having an enthusiastic dream.

“Uh….. I don’t even know what to say” I returned soaked in sarcasm. “No. I do not want a fat WIFE.”



Note to self:

Buy this stuff online and have it delivered.

4 comments:

Michael Rivers said...

Oh goodness! The things we do for love!! Very sweet of you to get the balloons! Between you and me, I don't want a fat wife either.

Wonder Man said...

don't you love the assumptions?

Blobby said...

I said. Forcing some gay into my voice.

LOLLL. "forcing". As IF! :)

I went into Sephora once to get stuff for my niece - NEVER again. It's not that I was uncomfortable buying it, but I was uncomfortable buying it from a guy that make Kurt on 'Glee' seem like a he-man.

The Mutant said...

How many times to I have to apologise for thinking you were the Air Con guy?

So, this anniversary of yours, how many years have you and Fuzz been at it now?