Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Western Civilization

I saw the train wreck coming down the line. It moved quickly and suddenly I found it was my turn.

“Would you be interested in a Wells Fargo account?” The bubbly girl rambled off to me. “You can link it to the school ID and use that as a ATM card.” I had been standing in a very long line for a very long time waiting to take my turn getting in to the campus bookstore. I had attempted to complete the task of buying books in what seemed months ago but couldn’t due to one certain Western Civilization book being on “backorder”. I simply wanted to buy my book and get the hell out of Dodge City.

“No thanks. “ I said to Bubbles. She went on to explain that it will save time and help my student adopt independence. As she said this she was half speaking to me and half to the shell-shocked guy behind me. That’s when the Matrix cam went off in my head. The entire line was parent with kid, parent with kid…. down to me. Suddenly I had a son and I was helping to finalize his book list.

I bit my tongue. I fought the urge to scream “Look lady.. I’m not a parent.. I still sit up ‘till 3AM watching Japanese anima in my tighty-whities. I have a sub-woofer in my car. I collect sci-fi action figures. I listen to techno damn it!” I would of screamed that but, then the rest of the line would starts saying things like “Gee willikers, what‘s that old man yelling about up there? Bet his son is really embarrassed.”


cb said...

It's like me in the drum corps. I hand out with all these 18-20 something's and I'm all like "Of COURSE I know who the fuck Ke$ha is!"

Wonder Man said...

I hear you, I hear that all the time here at USC

Homer said...

Daddy Stevie!