Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Jesus and Diet Coke

There’s this odd little room at work tucked next to the Woman’s restroom. This appears to have been a break room for a long dead mortgage company. This is also happens to be the only place where the Coke machine can survive. It’s kind of sad to see this soda machine whirring away its youth in this forgotten fluorescent break room. All alone but for Hermey.
Hermey is the creepy guy who sits in this room during the day and eats his brown bagged lunch. I call him Hermey because he looks like the elf that ran around with Rudolph. Of course 40 years later, his dental practice forced to close after Santa allows a Comfort Dental Franchise to open up at the north pole. His dental practice gone he took a temp job in Denver. Every day I run in grab my Diet Coke before he can say “I used to be a dentist.”
Yesterday I was going to grab my “big brown bottle of yummyness” when he started to speak to me. “Sir, do you know what time it is?” I stopped “yes, it’s about 1PM.” then he stammered “Sir, do you know Jesus?” OK….. So this is where on the Discovery Channel they explain the “fight or flight" response. The prey decides either that Diet Coke is worth fighting for or they need to run to save their cute, fluffy tails.
I kind of thought this would be funny. But mostly it happened so quickly I didn’t think it through. But just as he asked me this I stared at him a bit, then screamed “JESUS CHRIST” threw my arms up and ran from the room like my hair was on fire.
Not one of my best moments I agree.
Funny yes.
The only bad part is that I can no longer drink soda, that and as I ran from the room like MacGyver running from a critical warhead I ran into my boss coming from the Women’s restroom. I simply explained that all they had was Dr.Pepper.


Christopher said...

Somebody REALLY wants you to find the Jebus this month!...I love your reaction to Hermey!

Kezza said...

Don't you get it? You've pissed Jesus off and now he's sending people to get in your way and drive you crazy asking Jesus questions. It's all in the bible if you'd have a look and stop using it to prop up the low end of your sinners bed!

Or maybe it's someone from PepsiCo trying to get you to make the switch!

erik said...

"Every button was for Dr. Pepper. It was horrible!"