Thursday, February 2, 2012

Escape from Boys Town

I spent most of yesterday working at my remote office. Meaning, I spent the day shopping for Puma branded items at the coffee shop on 9th and Downing Street.

At some point, when I was lost in a world of trail running performance shoes a gentleman named Don walked up to me to strike up a conversation. Although, I know Don very well he started the conversation the way he always does, “I can’t remember your name, hi I’m Don.” He has started his conversations with me like this for eighteen years. Give or take a year.

When I was a skinny ingĂ©nue-like twenty-two year old, I needed to find a new apartment and in a quick manner. I can’t remember the details of why I was so under the gun to find a place, but there you have it. A boney kid in search of a new pad. On my hunt, I responded to Don’s advertisement in the back pages of the Westword newspaper. I showed up promptly at the appointed time and tried to disguise that I had taken that day’s shower in a McDonald’s bathroom sink. Don owned a row of tiny apartments and after a lengthy tour and being interviewed he explained that I didn’t have enough provable credit to get the apartment. He then proceeded to start stroking his bulge through his pants. I would have provable credit if I proved my credit. I did not prove anything that night.

Ever since that night, around once a year, Don randomly approaches me as if it’s our first meeting. For eighteen years. Yesterday, as I dreamed of new Pumas, he again tried to “stroke up” a conversation. I calmly started to reminisce about how it seemed like just yesterday I was a kid in desperate need of an apartment, and how he was in desperate need of me presenting my ass. I then inquired if he was still a landlord. Like a “Boys Town” kind of landlord.

I wonder if next time, he will remember my name.





4 comments:

Wonder Man said...

he really did that? wow

Blobby said...

Hey wait! I've SEEN this movie!

Don: "so....you can't pay your rent?"

close up on Stevie B's eyes.
close up on Don's eyes.

Don: "you look tense...do you need a massage....?"

queue porn music

all about car said...

The property comprises a bright reception room with wood floors, access to a private roof terrace, stylish fitted kitchen, Master bedroom and bathroom with white suite . Two Further Double Size Bedrooms with en-sute. All Bedrooms have direct stunning views over Hyde Park!
Located close to Oxford Street, Park Lane Place has a wealth of great shopping and an entertainment facility close by and is minutes away from the beautiful open spaces of Hyde Park.
The nearest Underground station is Marble Arch (Central Line) and links into and out of central London includes the A5 and the A40.
http://www.apartmenttu.blogspot.com

cb said...

How declasse. I would have given you the apartment, and then once you were settled I would have gently reminded you that I provided you with shelter and that you could put out or get out.

Much better that way, no?