I am truly unsure why we deviated from our normal Sunday diner regimen. Yes, the group of homosexuals I run with, live by the motto of “let’s try something new.” So we are always open to checking out new restaurants in the fair city of Denver. Maybe, I am still in mourning over my beloved Denver Diner; attempting to replace the closed restaurant in my heart. It must of been this longing to eat in a truly colorful diner that made us decide to ditch our normal Sunday plan and check out a diner that all the kids have been talking about for some real diner realness. Old school style.
The diner we chose was the famous, or should I say infamous, Tom’s Diner on Colfax Avenue. Now, in theory it should be an amazing place. An old seventies diner in the heart of Capitol Hill revamped to look like a hip… seventies diner. Where kitsch style, meets hipsters, meets the chic-homeless. We didn’t mind that the parking lot resembled a broken up asphalt lot one would find in front of a topless bar. In Waco, Tx. We were a sleuth of urban bears, we wanted grit, damn it. Being ignored by every member of staff as we stood next to the “please wait to be seated” sign was charm. Like asking a strange man sporting a raincoat for help on a New York subway ride. Finally, a waitress told a guy to seat us. At this point I felt like Patricia Nixon being asked to make the tie-breaking vote as a judge of the national felching contest. Mr. maître d escorted us to our table, sandwiched between a fighting family and a un-chic homeless brood. As I turned to my friend Mike and declared we should give up our dream of being seen out with the hip breakfast set, the maître d scoffed and stated that if it’s the table they could give us their very best booth. The friendly chap then began to school me on how to find a table in restaurants. Stating “when you’re in a restaurant, and you don’t like your table, just tell ‘em.”
We barely tripped on the broken chunks of asphalt as we ran across the parking lot. I have always been sure that one thing would happen in my life time. Besides Princess Diana rising from the grave to kill us all. It is that I would finally find a diner I could not enjoy.