Monday, December 14, 2009

THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS RANT

Ahh, mid December. It’s time to gather around and listen to Uncle Steve’s annual Christmas rant…..

WHAT THE FUCK DO PENGUINS HAVE TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS!?!?

Have you seen the inflatable, glowing Christmas crap that everyone displays on their front lawns? Big billowing snowmen, elves, and happy penguins.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK DO PENGUINS HAVE TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS!?

At night it’s quite a cute little scene. A winter wonderland all blown up and bopping around to the forced air whooshing up their butts. But, during the day it’s another story. Driving through any upscale neighborhood it's a reenactment of Jim Jones goes to Christmas town. Dead, flat elves and snow people scatter the lawns like a mass suicide cult hit the North Pole. A massacre of merriment. One half-inflated penguin dragging its self off the lawn coughing out
“Don’t drink the Kristmas Kool-aide……..and I only live in Antarctica and parts of South America why am I even here?! Aaaaaaaaaghh!”

I feel bad for their ignorant cult joining asses as I drive by.

6 comments:

Sean said...

It's a six degrees kinda thing. Penguins have nothing to do with Christmas but:
1. Christmas is in winter when it snows
2. I dream of a White Christmas
3. Santa lives at the North Pole
4. it snows at the South Pole
5. Penguins live at the South Pole
6. it's not Christmas with out Penguins

Wonder Man said...

I guess since they live at the north pole? I don't get it either

Dead Robot said...

Don't forget South Africa. There are pengooywins there too.

Dead Robot said...

So I'm getting an inflatable Nelson Mandela.

StevieB said...

Huh, I guess I'll get an inflatable Matt Damon.

Dead Robot said...

StevieB the idea is to display them on your lawn, not your bed.