Monday, December 5, 2011

The Annual Christmas Rant

Ahh, December 5th. It’s time to gather around and listen to Uncle Steve’s annual Christmas rant…..

WHAT THE F*#K DO PENGUINS HAVE TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS!?!?

Have you seen the inflatable, glowing Christmas crap that everyone displays on their front lawns? Big billowing snowmen, elves, and insidiously happy penguins. Seriously, What the heck to penguins have to do with Christmas?

At night it’s quite a cute little scene. A winter wonderland all blown up and bopping around to the forced air whooshing up their butts. During the day it’s another story, driving through any upscale neighborhood it's a reenactment of Jim Jones goes to Christmas town. Dead, flat elves and snow people scatter the lawns like a mass suicide cult hit the North Pole. A massacre of merriment. One half-inflated penguin dragging its self off the lawn coughing out,  I only live in Antarctica and parts of South America why am I even here?

Aaaaaaaaaghh!”






4 comments:

Homer said...

Santa has to fly to Antarctica and the Georgian Islands to give presents to the scientists. Can he help it is penguins end up on his sleigh?

Wonder Man said...

something to think about

Blobby said...

penguins have as much to do w/xmas as santa. Leave them be or Morgan Freeman will get all over your ass.

Erik Rubright said...

I recently realized how all the inflatable stuff, when not inflated, looks like a trash pile in people's yards. Just like it does when it's inflated.