Thursday, November 4, 2010


There are twenty-one days until the old US celebrates their version of Thanksgiving. Not that I care for the definition of thanks for giving as much now that I’m an adult, the celebration has turned to the first step into my favorite time of year.

I received my first sign via text yesterday, Dalton my ex Partner turned BFF sent me a text letting me know that he finally bought a plane ticket from NYC to Denver. This means that in twenty-one days I get to pick up his smiling face at the airport. The next sign is that Frank, friend and host of Thanksgiving for the last eleven years has started to plan the turkey and carb loaded menu. Three different kinds of dressing? Yes please.

Do you remember last year when Fuzzy was convinced that the old fashioned screw-in Christmas light I stapled to the outside of our house was going to catch fire and kill us all? Yeah, this year the lights outside will be all nice safe LEDS. They can’t short out and catch fire. At least that’s what I need you to tell him. Okay? But, how early is too early to drag out the blow up snowman? Next weekend, you say? Okay. Good.

So, I guess I’m ready to greet the holiday season. Dalton has a plane ticket, check. Mall plan of attack for the Friday after Thanksgiving, check. Cheesecake, check. Twelve foot high tree at the ready, check. Staple gun, lights, blowup snowman, fifty feet of extension cord, and enough vodka for Fuzzy to liquor him up so he won’t notice when I run a staple through extension cord, check. Let’s get ready to party!


Pac said...

Fuzzy, as an electrical engineer I can assure you you're perfectly safe. For extra peace-of-mind, be sure to inspect the following:

1) Check each strand for a label from Underwriter's Laboratory. But watch out for counterfeit UL labels. You can avoid this by making sure Stevie doesn't buy his lights from roadside stands in Tijuana, or online.

2) While you understandably don't want to put a damper on Stevie's holiday glee, please put your foot down if he starts electrifying areas close to the toilet, sink, shower or hot tub. At least not without a properly tested ground-fault interruptor.

3) Remember, most LED lights run on 120VAC just like last year's lights. A frayed cord or errant staple can pose the same risks as old fashioned bulbs or those tiny candles they used before electricity. For maximum safety, invest in low-voltage LED lighting and divide the chore into zones, giving Stevie access only to anything on the stepped-down side of the transformer.

4) Take time today to hide the stapler, hammer, nail gun or any tool which dispenses sharp metal projectiles. Suggest a safer fastening technology like tape, string or chewing gum.

5) Make sure Stevie's not under the influence of drugs, alcohol or cough medicine while decorating.

6) Better hide the ladder too, preferably someplace out of reach. Make up a fake neighborhood association bylaw which prohibits any christmas lights higher than a maximum of six feet off the ground. (Forge a copy of the bylaw along with a "final-notice" warning letter if necessary.)

These simple steps can help ensure a safe and pleasant holiday season.

webpenblog said...

We're already prepping for Thanksgiving, too. It's Cam's favorite holiday and no one is allowed to cook except him. This year looks to be a bit smaller than previous, but we still have a great time AND the food... oy. So good.

Scooter said...

yeah - pulling out the Xmas lights now. Get them up before it gets to cold ...

cb said...

T-giving has always been my favorite holiday. 4 day weekend, football, eating, and card games.

All without church and Jesus and the necessity of presents.

StevieB said...

Pac, That's all fine but, Fuzz doesn't read my blog. He finds it dull and pathologically narcissistic. But I have it say my blog is not dull.

Wonder Man said...

No, your blog is not dull. I'm fun and crazy

Alan Bennett Ilagan said...

I love this post! (Though I'm fiending for some turkey and three kinds of dressing now...)