Thursday, September 3, 2009

COLTON FORD EDSEL


You know that I’d drink Colton Ford’s bathwater, right? I’d totally go gay for Colton Ford; I sit and write his name over and over onto my Social Studies book. Mrs. Steve Ford Colton and Stevie Ford. When Kitty Kelley writes her unauthorized biography of his life I’ll be the first to egg her well appointed Dallas townhouse. It was with this zest and devotion that I went to buy his new Album Under The Covers. I did read the reviews which were less than favorable. Such as:

“Complete crap”
“This album is completely unlistenable!”
“An album of complete covers? Seriously? Stick to porn.”

I readily accept that I’m a sixteen year old girl for Colton Ford, so even though I spotted a cover of Lithium by Nirvana I bought the whole damn thing. Yes, the whole album. Including the twenty second long a cappella abortions. I thought I’d do a better review then the anonymous critics on iTunes. But quickly I realized that they were right. That and, after trying to listen to this album, Helen Keller didn’t really have it that bad off. You know how when you bring up Hitler or the Nazis in an argument you’ve lost? Well, that’s the only way I can set the scene for me trying to get through this album. If dance music were Poland, then Colton Ford is goose-stepping across it.

I can now say I have all of Mr. Ford’s music, even if I did delete all but a few songs off of my iPod. I’m not saying not to buy this CD, please do. Rush right out and get it. It may remind you of the whiny-voiced, peroxide-blonde spitfire girlfriend Norma in Victor Victoria, and you can’t pass on the camp value in that. But, most importantly for every song we buy we help pay for his gym membership. And that really is what’s important here.




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10 comments:

Wonder Man said...

he needs better producers and writers. He has a good voice

Lux said...

Please upload the album, i live in Brazil and i can't buy it. I'm looking for all the web and i can't find it for download. Pleaseeee
Pleaseee

Lux said...

pleaseeee

Damien NZ said...

Good G-d that is a hot man.

StevieB said...

Sorry Lux, I wouldn’t have the first clue how to do that. Maybe some else can comment on where to find a copy. If not contact me at NICETOSEESTEVIEB@GMAIL.COM and we’ll see if I can send you a legally purchased copy of the album.

Dead Robot said...

Best.
Review.
Of anything.
Ever.

bigislandjeepguy said...

the video is just excuses for him to take off his clothes. which is what his strong suit really is, anyway.

Moby said...

Sadly, I agree with most of the negative ratings. 98% of his music hurts my ears.

The few songs I did like were his remakes of already famous songs.

That said, he is fine! lol

Peter said...

I might have been sucked in (pun intended) but for seeing that video of Losing My Religion first. Dreck, bu the man can sneer.

Flirtatious-T said...

Great Review. I enjoyed reading it. Sorry you were disappointed.