Friday, May 29, 2009

BATMAN....IN POLO

For reasons completely unrelated to yesterdays post I’m in the market for a full Batman costume. What really started the latest yearning to be the caped crusader was an invite to a masquerade ball. My first thought upon getting the invite was that this would be the catalyst for building a perfect replica of Batman’s suit.

Because really, doesn’t everyone need one really good Halloween costume? Not that I wouldn’t wear it every night, jumping from building to building to defend the weak. Our fair city is just overwrought with ski hooded baddies. Building a good Batman suit will help when I’m jumping from the roof of Tracks to stop some fag bashing with my cold, spandex filled vengeance. Well, that and I’d look cool.

Last night we went to acquire my crime fighting tools, by that I mean we went to a costume shop. Here’s the bat’s cowl:

(Defender of the night...in Polo)



Later today I’m going to track down some running pants that look particularly “Bat like.” Thank God I’ve been doing yoga lately. Bat tights leave nothing to the imagination.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Gay Marriage

The blogosphere is ablaze with California's court ruling. I wasn’t going to throw yet another log on that fire. But, here’s my take. They just don’t understand that gay marriage goes something like this......



I believe I'm more of a Perry than a Walter. Now seriously, how can the happiness of Walter and Perry hurt anyone. They just want to be happy, how can this be wrong?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

There's enough Christian Guitar music in the world

Have you Googled yourself? I mean really Googled yourself? Put your name into Google to see the results. For the longest time my name came up with an “Ex-gay Christian song writer and recording artist who shares testimony and resources based on the premise that "no one is born homosexual and complete change is possible.”

Ah…that’s sooo cute! Mr. Repressed married to a bulldyke spreading his fear and sharing my name. Bless his - taking it up the butt under a bathroom stall whilst his children are in the play land just outside -heart.

Now, if you Google me, the word “ME” you can build your own profile. This way you have the ability to control the content of what represents you on the interwebs. Cool hu? This is what I built as a profile, I tried to make it as true and accurate as possible:
After completing his internship under Marie Curie and helping to pioneer the field of radioactivity, Steven found that the technique for isolating radioactive isotopes was unfulfilled. He then became an American English educator. Best known as the instructor and companion of Helen Keller.

After Helen’s death in 1968, He became a scientist at 3M in the United States. With the help of Jesse Kops, a fellow scientist, accidentally developed a "low-tack", reusable pressure sensitive adhesive. Commonly used today in Post-its, the canary yellow colored note pads trademarked by 3M.

While working at 3M, Steven conceived the idea for his most well know invention, the flux capacitor when he slipped and hit his head on the sink while standing on the toilet to hang a clock. The flux capacitor, which consists of a regularly squared compartment with three flashing lights arranged as a "Y", was described by Steven as "what makes time travel possible". The device is the core component of his time traveling DeLorean DMC-12.

Steven is now the proprietor and bartender of Steve's Tavern, a bar famous for inventing “The Flaming Steve.”


Where I grew up
17th century France
Places I've lived
Texas; prussia; France; Uranus
Companies I've worked for
Newgate Prison; King of Prussia
Schools I've attended
The Bauhaus school, Weimar


What I plan on doing is countering the ignorance and Christian guitar playing that my doppelganger Steve is supplying to Google. But, I thought I’d check with you first for suggestions. Should my profile be about healing and faith to the open and affirming work of all parts of the GLBT community or should I turn my profile into a feltchers information resource? You decide.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Have a great Memorial Day. I'm celebrating the US war dead by doing chest at the gym and maybe going to see Star Trek on the Imax screen.

BTW, the coleslaw was a hit. Not really because it was good, but because I actually brought something to the party.

So if you're American, go hang out in a cemetery. You don't hate America? Do you?

Sunday, May 24, 2009

THE SLAW

For the big Memorial day shin-dig I made Coleslaw. For the first time. I think it turned out pretty fair. Here it is in one of my Dixie Longate Tupperware, #0471 Impressions Classic Bowls:



The recipe was extremely easy, thanks to my sister, and AllRecipes.com. Now it's into the fridge and off to the shower, to get all this cabbage out of my pants.





I do love a monochromatic refrigerator!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Some Righteous Slaw

Out of thin air I decided to make coleslaw for Carl’s Memorial Day extravagant, extravaganza. How hard can it be? It’s just cabbage, and by “out of thin air” my sister told me how to make it. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
“And don’t fuck it up!”

Friday, May 22, 2009

BBC AMERICA HATES THE DR.

I’m slowly getting tired of watching the same sixteen episodes of Doctor Who we have on our DVR. The series took somewhat of a hiatus for 2009 after Journey's End aired in the US. On Easter the UK got Planet of the Dead but there are no plans for it to be shown on BBC America. You can see on YouTube, but for me it’s not the same.

I finally realized that I wasn’t alone in my plight. I went looking for answers and found a podcast. Podshock, they spent about an hour trying to figure out what the heck the BBC and BBC America are doing with the Doctor Who series. So, I understand that you’re not even close to being the huge nerd that I am, so I’ll give you the translation from geek to normal, law abiding citizen.

Between Journey's End and the start of the fifth season, there are four specials. None are planned to be shown in the US, sorry. This will be the last story ark for David Tennant before he regenerates. Matt Smith by the way. The blog-a-sphere is ablaze with rumor. From Captain Jack being photographed walking next to the Dr. to the Master returning. It’s been repeated over and over that Donna will return. It’s all very cool. Since the first of these has aired, now we just sits and waits. Is it November yet?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

"Is it a bee????"

With the apparent axe given to the American version of Absolutely Fabulous, I’ve rekindled my love with the nine-hundred DVDs we have of the original, classic, and untouchable version broadcast on BBC from 1992 to 1996 and 2001 to 2005.

Just today I was rambling around on BBC America trying to figure out if they ever plan on airing any of the Doctor Who ‘09 specials (which they’re NOT) when I found the Which Lady of AbFab are You quiz. Since I’ll take any quiz, I soon discovered the obvious:


You are Patsy






You are desperate to hold on to your youthful face at the expense of good taste. Blond hair swiped from a horse's behind piled on top of your head,a permanent pout plastered on your mouth, makeup spackled on that would make corpses scramble for oxygen. At least you never allowed pregnancy to ruin your figure and turn into a walking, talking potato like your best friend, Eddy. With your trim bod and glamour-girl élan, you can still pull well-muscled man-tail with the best of them.


You can take the quiz here, not that you don't already know the answer.

http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/156/quiz.jsp


________________

Update:
Someone has pointed out the similarities of my Profile picture up on the right and the picture of Patsy Stone, Hmmmm... Weird hu?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Thank You For Being A Friend

Since the death of Bea Arthur I’ve discovered a new channel on the sleek flat panel TV. For the longest time, I’d come home flip on the screen and the channel would be on WeTV. A channel filled with Puppy Weddings and Bridezillas. I don’t know how this kept happening; maybe the dog liked to watch Woman Behind Bars? In case you haven’t had the pleasure of We, it’s a spin off from the “lifetime for woman” channel. I’d flip it over to CNN and chillax.

I came home the day after Bea died, wearing a black armband ready to burn my new Santa Maria candle set, flipped on the TV and on came Dorothy Zbornak. Now that was a sign. I had watched the show as a kid, but never in my adult life. Wow, who knew the show was about three gay men, I know I’m stating something that the whole world already figured out in 1985, but this is my first time. Be gentle. Don’t judge.

We sat there for hours last night watching their lives unfold. Again, discovering something that every gay man already knew. Funny that.

Monday, May 18, 2009

WEEKEND WRAP UP

It was a pretty nice weekend, I really expected yet another rainy couple of days. The sun was out enough for me to drop the top on the Jeep and enjoy spring. I spent most of the weekend over at the sister’s house have quality time with the family. A continuation of my nephew’s graduation party.

And by “hanging out with the family” I mean sitting in the corner with the nieces talking about how much we love Kelly Clarkson. You know when you’re at family get together and your relatives are tell humors stories on how they saved a business deal for their multimillion dollar corporation. Then your Dad, who is retired and uses the health care system, spouts off something right out of Limbaugh mouth about how the liberals will destroy the health care system if “old Spotty” takes us into “Socialized Medicine.” You’ll find me in the corner with the other sixteen year old girls talking about bands. Totally.

On Saturday morning we went to the gym, and then ended up at a nice chain restaurant. Half way through lunch the waitress pointed out something that I had missed, Fuzzy’s “I heart big dumb tattooed guys T-shirt.” She fell in love and proceeded to tell us her entire life story of Lesbian love. We now have a couple-date with her and her life lesbian long-time companion. I figure if anything I’ll get free Perkins’ muffins.

Friday, May 15, 2009

GRATUATION DAY

I went to my Nephew's graduation from high school yesterday. I had forgotten how unbelievably boring these things are. I sat with the Nieces and talked about Depeche Mode’s new album. At one point my sister snapped at her daughter for texting during the ceremony. The Niece calmly stated, that she was texting her brother out on the field.

“I can see that! He’s not even paying attention to his own graduation.”

My sister countered. That’s when I thought, maybe I shouldn’t be texting him, or my Nieces right now.

In the middle of the ceremony my Mom leans over and quietly states;

“You’re getting really fat.”

“Uh, thanks.” I enthusiastically say back “I have 19’ arms, I do yoga regularly, and I can bench 315 this isn’t fat this is solid man meat!” She didn’t turn around again.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

If the beds-a-rockin....

There was stunned silence last night when Fuzzy asked if we could head to bed, at eight. I’ve always been the one convincing him to go to bed at reasonable hour, so I was truly shocked.

We have a queen size bed, made of razor wire and cement covered in a pillow top. As you know we’re both pretty big guys, throw a Shar-pei on top and it never makes for a real sound sleep. There is always a three AM throw down. Lately, having drama in his world and issues in my world there’s been enough movement for the dog to stand up in the middle of the night and curse us both out in Chinese.

A king sized bed may soon be necessary. That or the dog may be done with us.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

iPhone 3.0 Software Rundown

mitch625 on Youtube has done a great laundry list of all the updates for 3.0

A Full tour of the features included in the 3.0





I feel like a girl waiting for the new Shaun Cassidy photos in Tigerbeat.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

StevieB....

.....who can move one ton of freight 436 miles on a gallon of fuel.

STREET VIEW

Can I say how pissed off I am at Google Maps? Fuzzy's his truck is featured in two different Streetviews. In front of our house and at his work. Me? Nowhere. No great images of Steve's Jeep driving around our fair city. I spotted one of these vans a while back, I followed that sucker for miles, but nope.

Chessman park is the Homogay park here in Denver. Now thanks to Google's street view you can cruise from the convenience of your well-appointed living room. in fact here's someone now....


View Larger Map

A guy sitting in the park in a Ford Taurus Wagon, jerking off. Why can't I get that kinda fame?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Bike shopping

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

Nasty little cheeseburger. All day, all night staring at unsuspecting people’s butts. Truly disgusting…..although there is what’s-his-name, he does this at the Wrangler. He seams nice.



What is Ronald doing in the back ground? Pole dance, or trying to escape.
"Get me out of here! Soylent Green...I mean.. McD's is people!"

Friday, May 8, 2009

Which Dallas Character Are You?



You are Sue Ellen Ewing! Always the center of attention, you are constantly setting new standards for others. Despite your occassional boozing and infidelity, you remain a pillar of the community, and queen of the social scene. Bitch.

Well, are yeah surprized at all? I mean really. You wanta find out who you are?

My Result?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

GOODBYE DINAH SHORE

I was sitting in the cubical yesterday trimming the fur that grows into my belly button. Personal grooming is important, especially when you’re a furry like me. Maybe using office scissors while at work wasn’t the best idea, but since everyone around me has been laid off, I could ride a scooter, naked with a penis pump and no one would see. If a Stevie uses a mantool pump and no one is around to hear, will it make a sucky-sucky noise?

As I’m trimming away, Dinah Shore the last Lesbos came into the 6X6 Steve lair. “I just got laid off.” She states. “You must survive! You’re the last remaining of the tribe. Tell our story, Steve! You must survive to tell the story of us!”

I love dramatic lesbians. But I hate that fact that I now have a private office, because the fifty cubicles around me are empty. Time for me to break out the scooter.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

NICE TO SEE STEVIEB AND ONE CUP

I would just like to say that I may be the only gay left in the village that has not, ever seen a YouTube video that has the words “…and one cup” in the title. I find that as a point of pride. It may be in my obituary.

Steve: Never had he seen home movies of women defecating into Tupperware. Now a guy….that’s a different story.

I wonder if Dixie Longate ever gets that question? "Uh-yes. Dixie, my Tupperware was shat upon. What would I need to do...so I can... store my left over tadder-tot casserole again?"



BTW Dixie is in McKINNEY, TX at the McKinney PAC 05/07/09 - 05/10/09. Check her out.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

OH, LIEV

Why is Liev So much hotter in my dreams?


It must be the accent, or the comic book messing with my head.

Monday, May 4, 2009

THE END OF PONTIAC

With the General Motors announcement that it will end production of Pontiac the news is filled with stories of how the American icon will soon be gone. In addition, GM will accelerate the wind-down of its Hummer, Saturn and Saab brands, ceasing production by year’s end. Pontiac will be terminated after 2010.

Fuzzy and I have been wondering how Pontiac has lasted this long. How can GM run a business model from the 1940s of having the same cars over and over under different nameplates? At the last auto show this was very evident Aura, G6, and the Malibu. Did we really need this? When the other carmakers have one VERY well built sedan. Yes, every car has it’s own set of workers and plants, and yes I lean socialist when it comes to workers rights. But now Pontiac is gone baby gone. Your job is gone.

Anyway, back to the news. I’ve seen no less then five pieces on how Pontiac brought us the GTO. Yes, it rocked. But, what I want to see is an article about how the gave birth to the Aztec. Remember the Aztec? I want the Aztec owners club president to explain that Pontiac is one of the great brands in history.


As you know, the Aztec was an amazing concept car that was “cost cut” to death by, Pontiac engineers called into the front office. Now it lives as the one of the fifty worst cars ever.

With Pontiac, Hummer, Saab and Saturn slated to be eliminated, GM will focus on four brands: Chevrolet, Cadillac, GMC and Buick. Let’s hope that the focus will help them move the quality and design up to really compete with the Asian boys.

Friday, May 1, 2009

THAT THING YOU DO?

I had a dream about Arnold Schwarzenegger last night; I won’t go into details because you know what happened. So, driving into work I kept thinking “where the hell did that come from?” Then, as I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, I remembered that last night I was madly flipping through my copy of The New Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by : Arnold Schwarzenegger.*




I’ve always done this "thing" at the gym, It’s sort of a dumbbell thing, sort of, like….See I don’t know the name of it…. You're perpendicular on the flat bench with just your shoulders resting and lift a ninety-five pound weight over your head. At any time you could drop the weight and end up giving your dentist around five grand.

I really look forward to doing this…. thing, this routine but someone asked about it, and I just stared back blankly. Like asking a cow the linear approximation and derivative of tatter-tots.

This was why I was tearing through, trying to find a title. I never did. Mostly because I was tired, but I will. And, I’ll report back. Don’t you just love a mystery? If you know what the heck I’m talking about please drop me a line.


*get it here.