Tuesday, September 14, 2010

THE AGE OF DIANA

It happened again on Saturday. I tuned into a lunchtime conversation about the impending date of December 2012, this time it was Fuzzy and our friend Michelle. Fuzzy was explaining the real science, the truth of 2012. Which I’m sure he picked up from the creepy ass History channel.

Can I just stop here and ask, what the fuck happened to the History Channel? I watched it for years to learn the history of Bauhaus’ impact on the thirties or about the glamour of the great families of Italy from the Renaissance. Now it’s all WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! Cuz, Nostradamus, said so. Life after we’re all dead! Yippy. That and a lot of shows on the glamorous Nazi party. It’s scary. Someone over at the History channel needs to switch their meds or stop thinking that the Book of Revelation is a ficken textbook!

Anyway, so Fuzzy is explaining the science of the magnetic field around the earth and how when the planets align in 2012 the poles will shift. Coming from the guy who can’t get the remote to turn on the TV, cable, and surround sound.

So I’d like to introduce my own theory into the 2012 super consensus. Read carefully, you’ll need to speak with confidante at the next cocktail party.

The polar magnetic field has a history and tendency to fluctuate. There is recorded data to show that it builds to a climax and shifts every Millennium. We’re due for one of these magnetic climaxes in late 2012 due to the Earth’s orbit around the Sun and aliment of the magnetic pull of the other planets in the solar system. The magnetic fields run through strong lines from pole to pole. The strongest of these lines or “bands” runs straight through England. The apex of this magnetic field runs more specifically through Northampton shire. In the 1990s’ this field was disturbed causing havoc to the poles and the earth polarity. This polarity switch or “climax” will happen December 22nd 2010. The Earth’s static discharge will shoot through an island in Northampton shire on Oval Lake. Since the body of Princess Diana and her interment on the island was the original disruption to the magnetic field this will channel straight through her sarcophagus and body, reigniting her very life, her soul to be super human.

On the morning of December 23rd, 2010 Princess Diana will arise anew, but it she will not be as she appears. Soon she will enact revenge upon the populous of the earth, smiting anyone who dares defy her only the souls intelligent enough to align their allegiance to her will survive. This will mark the end of the old world order and mark a golden age for the planet. The Age of Diana.
So…. Start spreading that around at dinner parties.  Then follow that up with “That’s why we’ve decided to stock up on white gloves and Tierra’s.” Just to sound convincing.

7 comments:

StevieB said...

WWPDD?

DW. said...

Great, just what I need; zombie Princesses roaming the countryside looking for brains to eat and starving because it's all young farmers out there with not a brain amongst them.

Personally I'm hoping if the poles do reverse my signal on my mobile phone might improve.

Michael Rivers said...

I'm guessing the same people worried about 2012, are the same people who still have 3,000 rolls of toilet paper and 10,000 canned goods in their basement waiting for Y2K.

Wonder Man said...

In 2012, I regain the Phoenix Force

Moby said...

Sensationalist media has taken over, that and greed. *sigh*

the replicant said...

I, for one, welcome our new lich queen.

Blobby said...

The polar magnetic field has a history and tendency to fluctuate. There is recorded data to show that it builds to a climax and shifts every Millennium. We’re due for one of these magnetic climaxes in late 2012...

So wouldn't life on earth ended each Millennia?

I'll stay off Oceanic flight 815 - just in case.



...and yes on the History Channel. The hypothetical ways we might die in 300 years and their CGI simulations. It's not history if it hasn't happened!