Monday, December 6, 2010

THE ANNUAL CHRISTMAS RANT

Ahh, December. It’s time to gather around and listen to Uncle Steve’s annual Christmas rant…..


WHAT THE FUCK DO PENGUINS HAVE TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS!?!?

Have you seen the inflatable, glowing Christmas crap that everyone displays on their front lawns? Big billowing snowmen, elves, and insidiously happy penguins.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK DO PENGUINS HAVE TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS!?

At night it’s quite a cute little scene. A winter wonderland all blown up and bopping around to the forced air whooshing up their butts. But, during the day it’s another story. Driving through any upscale neighborhood it's a reenactment of Jim Jones goes to Christmas town. Dead, flat elves and snow people scatter the lawns like a mass suicide cult hit the North Pole. A massacre of merriment. One half-inflated penguin dragging its self off the lawn coughing out

“Don’t drink the Kristmas Kool-aide……..and I only live in Antarctica and parts of South America why am I even here?! Aaaaaaaaaghh!”

I feel bad for their ignorant cult joining asses as I drive by.

7 comments:

Pac said...

It happens every time a non-native species is introduced into a habitat with no natural predators. One solution: more Christmas Seals. Another: less ham and turkey, more Christmas penguin!

StevieB said...

What wine should I serve with penguin?

Dale W. said...

Penguins became part of Christmas shopping and gift giving after millions of kids worldwide were exposed to the exploits of their civil rights protesting and anarchy causing leader, Pingu.

Blobby said...

everyone assumes 'cold climate = penguin'. Our education system done them wrong.

But what the fuck does a man in red breaking into people's houses have to do w/xmas either?

I'm a Jew, so I don't really care - but how far off did people get from the alleged meaning to cookies/milk and around the world in a day?

Homer said...

Oh come on Stevie, didn't you watch 'Alfred, the Flatulent Christmas Penguin" when you were a child?

Wonder Man said...

I never thought about it before, but it is a great question

Dead Robot said...

And don't forget, penguins reside in some parts of South Africa too.

District 9... penguins...?

Coincidence? I DONT THINK SO!