WALK IT OFF

I’m working from home today. This really means I’m working from Frank’s kitchen bar watching Dalton make uber pink cupcakes. Gayest. Cupcakes. Ever.
Part of being able to work from home is getting up early to drag the dog around the block. Normally I’d make Fuzzy do this morning task, but Fuzz is in Tulsa, Ok. this week. So The Harley man and myself get to go have an adventure around our quaint little village. Wearing work-out shorts without underwear. Apparently.

Halfway through our morning constitutional the birds in the park decided that we were invading their turf. This started cute, like “how cute the birds are enjoying the morning.” Then quickly turned to “oh, God. Run! Damn you run! Run Tippi Hedren, run!” I hate it when my dog makes overtly gay movie quote references. I just hate it. But, he is a Shar-pei. So… any dog that was originally sold via the Nemium Marcus Christmas catalogue is going to do that kind of thing.

Have a great Memorial Day if you’re in the US. If you live elsewhere, enjoy the US oil that’s about to wash up on your shores.

HOTEL STEVIEB

“They’re tearing it down? My hotel.” I finally acknowledged this morning. Every day for what seems to be my entire life I’ve driven what I’ve called my hotel. Even though I’ve never stayed at or even set foot inside of it.

When I was a small and effeminate homosexual my family traveled around the western US showcasing our American Quarter Horses in rodeos and horse shows. We lived on a very rural Quarter Horse ranch and sold to anyone who attended these cowboy soirées. When we traveled to these three or four day hoedowns my Dad would pitch a huge army surplus tent for us to call home. Being a small and effeminate homosexual I didn’t yet get the army butch thing, just the creepy camping in a used canvas thing. “Icky, can’t we stay in a nice hotel with a pool and polyester bedspreads?” My Dad’s eyes would roll back into his head as I stood holding the center pole while the sisters stretched out the drab green fabric.

Anytime we drove home passed a certain point where the highway rounded next to a hill just south of Denver, Colorado I would look up and see this amazing modern gleaming hotel. My, hotel. I would state out loud, swear that someday I was going to spend a lot of time there, sitting by the pool and spending days walking from my room to the restaurant. “What shalest we eat upon today?” In these fantasies I always had a Tom Selleck mustache and a washboard stomach.

My commute for that last couple of years has taken pasts this seventies high rise hotel. And still every day I believed this now dog-eared building as some form of luxury. A symbol from my childhood that I still needed to fulfill. Every once and a while I’d still say, “someday I’m going to just spend the weekend there, just to treat the small effeminate gay boy inside of me.

I ignored the Murphy’s Demolition sign attached to the eighth floor for days. But then the windows were gone this morning. My hotel, this device I used to help me through a tough childhood is being taken from me. But, maybe they’ll build a better hotel. One that isn’t badly outdated from the seventies; one that I’d actually stay at. On the other hand I don’t have a Tom Selleck mustache. So sometimes things from your childhood just need to be let go and left as another little gay boy’s fantasy.

BACK TO CHEESEMAN PARK

I finally got back to running again. I hadn’t ran in awhile based on finding the time but, mostly because I’ve been avoiding the whole idea. Now that the weather is incredible I just had to get back to Cheeseman Park and the running trails.


I’ve forgotten how much I love this. It really is the best way to clear my mind and center myself for the coming up week. That and it was nice to see the big bear guy standing next tone of the trails playing the recorder again. He really has improved since last we met. He makes me giggle every time I see him playing his flute in the park. I have a philosophy when it comes to hooking up with guys; you must have a shtick and boy does he have one.

As I ran I started to think that summer really has begun and this means going through the jeans and cargo shorts in the closet. I’ve shed a lot of winter weight and it was now time to retry on everything to see what will fit. Turns out I’ve dropped back down to my waist size from two years ago. Now if only I hadn’t thrown out all my size 34 jeans in a heat of disgust and tears last spring. Guess it’s time for StevieB to go shopping. Who hears shopping montage music coming on

GYM TIME

I’ve been fighting a cold all this week but, I’m determined to win. Try as I may. Part of being sick is the fight of “should I go to the gym or not?” Now most times if I’m illin I can go run through some sets and I leave feeling much better. It does go without saying that if I’m coughing up a lung to get all the other Dudes sick there is no choice. Or… if I have bad hair.


Tuesday I decided to go and see what I could do. Wow it was funny, I was so determined to have a great workout that I lifted more and did more sets on chest then I had done for months. Fear is a great motivator. Yesterday however, I wasn’t feel as well so I decided to skip, this was fine until five last night when I’m sitting on my couch watching the Doctor Who episode Of Flesh And Stone for the third time, feeling good but pissed because I was getting all atrophic, wasting away right there infront of the tube.

So today I’m still fighting the sniffles. We’ll see how the day goes and see but, today is shoulders and I love shoulders. That and I have great hair.

THE BUZZ

It was haircut time at the ranch over the weekend. I go back and forth on cutting my own hair and letting a professional attempt it. But this weekend I don’t think I could have handled the emotional struggle that is my stylist’s life.

Last time a got a hair cut she was upset that her brother got to vacation outside of the country and she’s has never left the US or the state of Colorado; It wasn’t fair that her brother was so worldly. When asked where he was traveling too she explained how his journey was taking him to Cancun, Mexico. Wow.

So I got a little buzz and a couple of pics for Big Muscle Bear. When I finally got cleaned up and got back into bed with my third cup of coffee Fuzzy was just waking up….

SUMMER

Man I love the “firsts” of summer. The first time you wear your cargo shorts outside. The sitting on the patio again to watch the trees bloom and for me it’s the first beer bust of the season at the Denver Wrangler.

The days are still a bit cool here in Denver, but just enough to make it great to stand out in the fenced off parking lot of the local bear bar. Yesterday was just one of those days; the theme was apparently “classic car show” as they had a dozen classic cars for the drunken bears to fall against. Many gays were still trying to break in their new flip-flops and kept tripping over themselves into the ’65 Cadillac. Oh, good times.

What a nice relaxing way to shed-off the long cold months of winter and relax knowing that summer is on its way. Aestas is ready to help the muscle boys shed their shirts and enjoy really bad beer on the coming Sunday afternoons.

StevieB on Facebook

"If I thought for a minute there was going to be a computer network in the future that linked up everyone I ever knew or just fucked, I would of been less of a dick."

I'M WICKED

Okay. So… yesterday my car’s satellite radio may or may not have been tuned to Seth Rudetsky’s Broadway and show tune channel. And I may or may not have been listening to show tunes. After leaving the gym where I was pumping heavy iron over my head for like hours. Pumping my guns and shit. Yeah.


So, maybe I was listening to show tunes. Maybe I was singing along, and maybe I had a big finish when my jazz hands shot up around my head.

In case you talk to our Femail man and she mentions that I’m awfully friendly as I drive by, yes I was waving to her and not reenacting the second act of Wicked. God I’m a huge fag.

JAY BRANNAN

Homer posted this Jay Brannan video on his FB page:



I quickly fell in love with Jay Brannan. You can check out his site at JayBrannan.com or via Youtube.

GAYDAR UP AND RUNNING

Can I tell you how much I love Gaydar Internet Radio? I found it through iTunes under RADIO/ELECTRONICA but you can also just go to Gaydarradio.com to listen to their live audio stream.

It’s pretty awesome. Not to mention the cute little DJ Alex Baker has gotten me through some depressing times at work the last couple of weeks.

Alex and I are like, totally like Facebook friends now, and we’re twitter…..twits. God I hate twitter.

So… if you need gay dance music in your life and you get an instant boner for a guy with an English accent, check out Gaydar.

RAMMSTEIN -V- COOKIE MONSTER

Dalton sent this to me over the weekend. My favorite band and my favorite Monster.

I NEED A COCKTAIL

I need a cocktail. A huge frickin cocktail. I just completed two weeks of Job-roulette.

I have a job!

No.

Wait, yes. Yes? No.

So…… no then? Okay, I’m cool with that.

Wait, yes?

Let’s just say I’m having issues this week with the powers that fund government….. stuff. They “really can prove the critical need for my program” yet it can’t can be extended. If you need me I’ll being sitting under my desk with an aluminum foil hat.  Do you know what Nam Myoho Renge Kyo means?

I'm not going crazy, I'm not going crazy.

I’m glad to say that as of today right now I’m still the occupant of cubical number 423, 995. Cool.  Tonight I’m going to go celebrate by seeing Dixie Longate put on a Tupperware show. Buying some plastic crap will cheer me up.

THE CONE OF SHAME

Yesterday Harley the Superdog  had to have surgery. Nothing major just the typical high maintenance Shar-pei stuff. Last night however he did have to wear the “Cone of Shame.”

Poor guy, it was like sleeping with a lamp shade in the bed last night. All night he kept rubbing his plastic collar up my leg. Grumbling, “stupid vet make me wear a stupid plastic thing. Making my foot hurt…I wanta nom it….I wanta nom it. It hurts Steve…stupid cone of shame….stupid…stupid.” All in his Chinese accent.

Let’s just say I’m a little sleepy today.

WEEKEND WRAP UP

Over the weekend I got hit on via Grindr by Joseph Smith. Really……

Talk about awkward. He’s all “nice guns!” And I’m all like “Ewww, Joseph Smith the creepy founder of the Mormon Church is hitting on me!”  I set up a booty call for Wednesday.

Coming out of the gym on Saturday I couldn’t find my car. Silver car camouflage.

THE ANGRY SHAR-PEI

This is my favorite photo of Harley and the Fuzz man. I just love it. I do have to post a picture of Harley today because he’s pissed off at me. Yesterday I took the little guy for a long walk. Half-way through our adventure I got lazy and asked if he wanted to cut through a field to get home. He stated something like “Uh I don’t know Steve, it looks like rough terrain.” But I started across the field anyway. Until we got six feet off the sidewalk and right into a sticker patch. All four of Harley’s feet had stickers and burrs imbedded in his delicate Geisha-like skin.


Holding him by his belly I spent the next ten minutes pulling thorns out from between his paws and into my fingers. The entire time having to listen to him mutter “well, crossing the field really saved us time……Uh, OW!”

Bad Dad I know. So for the record I’m sorry Harley.

PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN LOVES ME

Just when I thought that Gordon Brown, the British Prime Minister hated me I get this in my E-mail inbox:

OFFICE OF THE PRIME MINISTER
TREASURY AND MINISTER FOR CIVIL SERVICE,
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM.

Our ref: ATM/13470/IDR
Your ref:...Date: 24/04/2010

IMMEDIATE PAYMENT NOTIFICATION

I am The Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP,Prime Minister British Government. This letter is to officially inform you that (ATM Card Number 0480001017755502) has been accredited with your favor. Your Personal Identification Number is 477.The VISA Card Value is £2,000,000.00(Two Million, Great British Pounds Sterling).

This office will send to you an Visa/ATM CARD that you will use to withdraw
your funds in any ATM MACHINE CENTER or Visa card outlet in the world with a maximum of £5000 GBP daily.Further more,You will be required to re-confirm the following information to enable;The Rt Hon David Miliband MP Secretary of State for British Foreign and Commonwealth Office. begin in processing of your VISA CARD.

(1)Full names: (2)Address: (3)Country: (4)Nationality: (5)Phone #: (6)Age:
(7)Occupation: (8) Post Codes

Rt Hon David Miliband MP.
Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs
Tel: +447502463252

TAKE NOTICE: That you are warned to stop further communications with any other person(s) or office(s) different from the staff of the State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs to avoid hitches in receiving your payment.


Regards,

The Rt Hon Gordon Brown MP
Prime Minister

Aaaw, he’s so cute when he’s all “Further more and hitches”. I guess he has finally stopped denying that our love cannot be tamed by distance and is trying again to lure me back with another cheap tawdry trick like again trying to buy my love.

Be strong Steve.

Unless I want to get hurt again I mustn’t get anywhere close to the Office of the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs anytime soon. But, an ATM card? That’s kind of cheap. What kind of girl does he think I am?

GYM UPDATE

Have you ever had one of those terrifying moments at the gym? Like you might just rip a muscle off of bone at any second.


Last week I upped my weight on most of my routine. I moved to 65lbs on Dumbbell Shoulder Press,  I started my second set and honestly thought that I might need to tell some stranger where my insurance card is. There was a scary second or two where I doubted that I could lift anything that heavy above my head. But, I pushed through it and got done. Feeling a little un-vulnerable and very vulnerable at the same time.

Lately I’ve found myself being lazy at the gym, I don’t want to count reps or even do a lot of them, so I just do the heaviest thing I can lift (75% of my total lift ability) and just press until muscle fatigue. No counting, no high reps. Easy. Of course there is the ten minutes of sitting in my car in the gym parking lot waiting until I can move my arm enough to put the key in the ignition.

DESKTOP FRIDAY

What's been on StevieB's desktop this week?

This is just one amazing photo from an amazing website by Photographer Dav.d
Check out his website here.

STEVIEB LOSES IT!

Finally a practical use for the iPhone.

I started using an iPhone app called Lose It. This application tracks the caloric intake per day/week and calculates this against exorcise to find how many calories your burning. You know what? It works.

This handy program works because I’ll see a Moon Pie on the 7-11 and I’ll think “Do I really want to have to enter that into my phone and then post it on my blog?” No. No I don’t, so why eat it.


Here’s last week:

You’ll find my daily intake minus weight lifting and/or running. I have a cap of 2,000 calories a day to stay under.  And yes, I know falling under 1,200 is unhealthy. You might also notice that on Sunday I drove to the park for a run, and then proceeded to texted Dalton to go have breakfast instead. I then proceeded to fill up on pancakes followed with a trip to the GB fish N chips shop. Yummy fish n chips….Aaaaaaaaagh.


With last Sunday notwithstanding, I’m shedding pounds and getting back to my fighting weight. Awesome. I’ll keep you posted on progress. Nothing like having to report your tonnage to the masses to keep you from the Moon Pies and chips.


Oh, and if you're gonna buy a  iPad watch out.

NATIONAL ANIMALS

Ray

The first man I ever loved is dead. Okay, he died in 2004 and I’ve known about his death since last fall. I hadn’t seen his face since June of 1990 and never told him that I loved him. But I did. I did love him.

I started messing around with boys at an early age. In Houston my Mom worked nights and as soon as she left the house I would sneak out and head to Montrose Avenue and the Ripcord. I’d stand outside waiting to be noticed. Thinking about it now I’m surprised I didn’t get killed.

When I started high school I quickly met him. Ray. He was seriously and literally from the other side of the tracks. But, It didn’t take long before the friendship we had to turn to lust then desire. Even though I had been with a lot of men, I had never stayed awake watching a boy sleep in my arms. He was from Louisiana; his thick accent covered everything he did. We soon found every free moment to be at his house in middle of his teenage boy bed, listening to his heart thump quicker and quicker as I ran my frame over his.

It being high school it didn’t last long. We moved on and just never kept in touch. Right after the graduation ceremony completed and I was walking towards my family Ray stopped me. He wanted to tell me he was going into the Marines. To fight in Desert Storm. That was the last time I saw him. I watched just for a moment as he turned to run towards his family.

Ray did go into the Marines. He had what I’ve been told an exceptional career. Until he came down with the flu, then had to take a discharge for medical reasons. In the fall of 2004 Ray died of complications from HIV.

David, the friend who broke the news to me last fall sent me an e-mail containing the plot and row where Ray’s headstone sits at Fort Logan National Cemetery. It now sits in my e-mail inbox. Waiting.

Why am I writing about this now? He’s been dead since ’04 and I’ve had this information since October. Let’s just say it takes me awhile to tell people that I love them. This week I decided it might be time to print out the e-mail and go search for a headstone.

DESKTOP FRIDAY

This is the photo on my computer's desktop this week. I have a thing for crisp white sheets. Just look at them; crisp and soooo clean. You just want to jump right in this bed and sink into it's amazing luxuruous chest 900 thread count cotton.

Yeah.

I certainly hope that Colton Ford isn't getting anything on my sheets.

BUSY, BUSY

Work is really cutting into my playtime this week. How do you expect me to blog when I have to find a way of date stamping and counting down cells in Excel?


If you know how to date countdown a cell in Excel, please let me know. Please.
I watched yet another gay romance last night Food of Love. Skip it. It was jaded and bitter. Tonight’s selection is the 2006 French film, The Man of My Life. It was categorized by Netflix as Romantic and Steamy.

I also have a new plaid shirt so who cares.

BEDROOM TV

“God that’s better!”

We had just taken down the metal bracket holding up our 20” TV/DVD/VHS monolith. This huge TV had been hanging on the wall of our bedroom since the first Bush administration. Waiting for me to once again slam my head into it.

We recently switched from dish to cable. One of the main reasons was because after our states switch to digital TV our leviathan in the bedroom needed a converter box, and could not be hooked up to the dish without a contractor named George doing some “drywall damage.” This meant having only three channels and two remotes in bed to watch the tube.

Our best relationship talks happen in the aisles of Target. Not really sure, maybe it’s all the red. As we were selecting our next TV Fuzzy mentioned that we’re giving up our VCR. That we can now only watch the porn we have on DVD. A lot of porn by the way. Tons.

This led to a healthy discussion on our moving on from the style or taste of movies we have on VHS. Stepping in the next stage of life of the type of porn we have on DVD. Let’s just say….. less motorcycles and more…. Sportbikes. Uhm, yeah. At target.

So… the new slim LCD flat panel is humming away and the built-in DVD player is easy to use.

LIVING FOR THE WEEKEND

I was driving near Cheeseman Park on Ninth Avenue when I came across two queens talking about their relationship at full volume right in the middle of Ninth. Apparently two twinks decided that their argument needed to be taken outside of Mom’s PT Cruiser. Just as I felt it was safer for me to stop my car and let them tucker themselves out, they both got back in and started to pull away. Great I thought, but as I started to take my foot off the break the Taco Bell started to fly. Out the window. The driver started chucking Taco Supremes out onto the street. With some gusto. This is when I thought to myself. “I never thought I’d say this: Should I start driving forward and chance getting my car hit with a full speed lovers torment taco?” I stayed put and let a couple more tacos come flying from the driver’s window; lettuce exploding into the air like Mexican hand-grenades as each one slammed to the pavement. Then watched in horror as the Shock and Awe completed and  they sped away. The only thing that really gets hurt when you fight with your spouse are the Tacos.
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Fuzzy and I went to the Auto Show on Saturday. He ran straight for the Ram Trucks while I wandered around the Dodge/Chrysler section. Eventually getting into a 2010 Dodge Avenger, mostly because I needed to sit down for awhile and thought nobody would bother me inside an Avenger.  When I got in I looked over and spotted a camera on the passenger seat. Being a good fag, I picked it up and snapped some glamour shots. Then sat the camera back down and went to find Fuzz drooling over his Big Horn, Dodge truck. Let’s fast forward two hours. We’re sitting in the Audi S5 when a Chrysler salesman comes up to me, all excited.

“Sir I’m glad I found you! Did someone in your party lose a camera?”

“Nope.” I say.

He looks down at my pursed lips on the cameras screen.

“Yeah, sorry.” I say as I turn to catch up to Fuzzy.

---

I think I’m going to start a new site and call it HOW TO GET BLOCKED ON GRINDR.

A guy hit me up with the opener “Ai, Papi! You're huge, You Latino cuz you lookit."  To which I responded “Well, I’ve had some Latino in me. “
No response.

Another guy hit me up with “Dude you’re huge! Gotz other pics?” So I sent him a photo of John Goodman.
No response.

---
 
I watched the movie For a Lost Soldier last night in my ongoing quest to watch every Gay foreign film on the planet. Wow. What a haunting and disturbing movie. If you became sexually aware at a young age like me you might want to think about this film.

Now, let's start the week shall we?

FOUR EYES!

Do boys make passes at guys with iPhones and glasses?

!!!

Crazy...





That's a lot of exclamation points. I wonder what they were selling? Stereos I guess. 

WAITING FOR THE DOCTOR

I’ve found myself cut off from the world this week. Well…. The nerd world anyway. The new series of Doctor Who premiered last Saturday in the UK. This is the premier of the new Doctor played my Matt Smith and the new TARDIS design. We here in the states do not get the premier episode until next Saturday the 17th. Stupid BBC America, do they have to ship the film via the RMS Lusitania?

Around Three PM, Mountain Standard Time last Saturday the Facebook updates and texts stated to roll into my iPhone. “Oh my God! It’s amazing.” Can you believe they did blah…blah….blah. (That’s when I covered my iPhone screen.) The blogs and twittery things started to buzz. BBC1 radio started to talk about it just this morning.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A couple of mates in the UK sent me links to see the episode in its entirety. I thanked them but, I just got to see it on the old Boob Tube. Or flat panel LCD screen. So, this week I’m just waiting. Trying to not hear anything. How have I been passing the time? Watching Resurrection of the Daleks because I like to see Tegan leave over and over. Fuzzy and I are also passing the time by watching the last five episodes of season eight of Dallas. Because nothing major happens there. No.

*Stevie rocks back and forth*

“Just gotta wait. Just gotta wait. You’ll see it. Then you’ll be okay. Just gotta wait.”

FLASH! Then gone.

Day by day the rut can get deeper. Then those little things happen that make you so damn happy you feel like you’re going to burst.

My morning commute is long and most of the year, dark. I listen to a lot of music to pass the time and to wake up doing 60 on the highway. Along most of my commute the Denver light-rail runs alongside the highway. Zipping other commuters to start their day. Every day I think of those trains. How they’ve been a recent addition to Denver, yet seem completely permanent.

At a certain point the entire system, the highway and the rail line curves. In these early mornings when it’s just me and my satellite radio, if I time it just right, I can curve around the bend neck and neck with a rushing train. On these morning trains there’s a link where the train’s tail reaches up and touches the overhead electric line, reaching up to get their power. On random mornings and on certain times the train’s link hits the power line on this curve and lets out an eruption of sparks.

This to me is amazing and awe inspiring. The flash, the shower of sparks then gone.

What seems to be an eternity ago, I was in San Francisco. I went with my boyfriend at the time. On that trip I found myself spending what seemed like hours standing on the corner of 18th and Castro. Standing there watching the overhead streetcar lines. Waiting for a car to come along and flash a shower of sparks. When one would finally erupt I would gaze upon it like seeing the moon for the first time. One of life’s amazing moments.

That trip was a turning point in my life, the last trip before my boyfriend died and last time we spent quality time not worrying about the virus that was ripping his body apart.

When I see the flash of spark like lightning next to my car on my mundane commute I see a perfect moment in the Castro on a cool evening with someone I’ll never get to see again.