After several martinis on Saturday night, Fuzz had the great duty of driving me home. As I rambled on during the drive I came to a point of clarity that I’d like to share.
UFOs are really dumb.
There are tens of thousands of people who spend every night looking to the skies. These folks spend a huge amount of time and money seeking video and photographic proof of the existence of extraterrestrial forms of life. But, have noticed every video of UFOS; as soon as the camera locks on the ship it zips away? Like they’re saying “damn it the guy wearing the Area 52 T-shirt just spotted us! Floor it Mable!”
If UFOs were smart, they would just attach a red and blue flashing light to each side of their space cruiser. That way, nerd boy would be all like “Is that a UFO? No…just an airplane. Damn where have all the spacemen gone?”
That is just a pittance of the great advice I have to give out; after martinis.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
WOOF
So how was the fourth? Last Friday we ventured up into the Colorado Rockies. Which meant we ate funnel cake in a tourist town called Manitou Springs; filled with Texans. Who knew Texans loved Southern Colorado so much? Walking the streets in this Victorian vacation destination, I saw several T-shirts for Stratford High, my high school down in Houston, Texas. Talk about a flashback.
Late in the afternoon we found ourselves in a “pet boutique” just crammed full of Texan Christian Compassionate Conservatives. This is where I found my new book, Woof!: A Gay Man's Guide to Dogs!
As I held it up with a shout of glee, Fuzz answered back “I’ll be right there, I’m getting a hat for Harley…..Do you think he’ll like the camo cowboy hat or the pony print?”
So… we’re done with Manitou Springs. But the dog does have a great new cowboy hat.
Late in the afternoon we found ourselves in a “pet boutique” just crammed full of Texan Christian Compassionate Conservatives. This is where I found my new book, Woof!: A Gay Man's Guide to Dogs!
As I held it up with a shout of glee, Fuzz answered back “I’ll be right there, I’m getting a hat for Harley…..Do you think he’ll like the camo cowboy hat or the pony print?”
So… we’re done with Manitou Springs. But the dog does have a great new cowboy hat.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
THE 4TH OF JULY
The 4Th of July! That’s when Americans think that everyone around the globe stops to celebrate the amazement that is America.
Here’s a Cake Wreck cake to celebrate:
If you need me this weekend I’ll be at home in air-conditioned splendor. Willis Carrier invented air conditioning, he was American. So, in a way I’m just like all though denim jean short wearing people standing in line to pay fifty smackers for fireworks. Just cooler..… in every sense of the word.
So unfurl your American flags you got at Wal-mart and made in China. Let’s celebrate.
I’m thinking my extended weekend should include a Karl Malden movie marathon. Just as an excuse to watch On The Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire again.
So go! Get out there and have some fun this weekend. Don’t worry about me I got Willis Carrier and Karl Malden as my Homies to keep me company. But if you do decide to go get fireworks; could you pick me up some snakes? I love those.
Sorry for making fun of your denim jean-shorts.
Here’s a Cake Wreck cake to celebrate:
If you need me this weekend I’ll be at home in air-conditioned splendor. Willis Carrier invented air conditioning, he was American. So, in a way I’m just like all though denim jean short wearing people standing in line to pay fifty smackers for fireworks. Just cooler..… in every sense of the word.
So unfurl your American flags you got at Wal-mart and made in China. Let’s celebrate.
I’m thinking my extended weekend should include a Karl Malden movie marathon. Just as an excuse to watch On The Waterfront and A Streetcar Named Desire again.
So go! Get out there and have some fun this weekend. Don’t worry about me I got Willis Carrier and Karl Malden as my Homies to keep me company. But if you do decide to go get fireworks; could you pick me up some snakes? I love those.
Sorry for making fun of your denim jean-shorts.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Getting the house clean
I thought I'd take a couple seconds to take a pic whilst I cleaned up before the big weekend.
Uploaded by www.cellspin.net
Okay so, way to go Facebook. I know right, Facebook. Go figure. In the last week I’ve reconnected with my super-hunky friend Nick, which then got me reconnected to super cute friend Susie.
I always thought the only good use for the site was when you’re feeling down; the best way pick yourself up is to find the Facebook group for your high school. Then go down the list of all the people you graduated with. You soon realize that they’ve ballooned up and each has four kids. And there you sit, with the same high school waist size and all that disposable income.
Gets me cheered up every time.
But wait; now there seems to be a better use then giggling at the guys that once laughed at your flock of seagulls hair cut. Reconnecting with hot guys and ex-coworkers who thought you were dead.
During the “college days” I worked as a waiter at a vegetarian restaurant. I was a really bad waiter. To this day I have a recurring dream that I’ve forgotten a table in station six. I wake up with shivers. Then I start to think what happen to the only people who could feel this pain. Kind of like A Deer Hunter, but without jungle rot. Now I know, and next time at three in the morning when I wake up screaming “Spice tea!” I can put an update status on Facebook and somewhere, someone will get me.
I always thought the only good use for the site was when you’re feeling down; the best way pick yourself up is to find the Facebook group for your high school. Then go down the list of all the people you graduated with. You soon realize that they’ve ballooned up and each has four kids. And there you sit, with the same high school waist size and all that disposable income.
Gets me cheered up every time.
But wait; now there seems to be a better use then giggling at the guys that once laughed at your flock of seagulls hair cut. Reconnecting with hot guys and ex-coworkers who thought you were dead.
During the “college days” I worked as a waiter at a vegetarian restaurant. I was a really bad waiter. To this day I have a recurring dream that I’ve forgotten a table in station six. I wake up with shivers. Then I start to think what happen to the only people who could feel this pain. Kind of like A Deer Hunter, but without jungle rot. Now I know, and next time at three in the morning when I wake up screaming “Spice tea!” I can put an update status on Facebook and somewhere, someone will get me.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
NAMASTE
As you know I’ve started doing yoga. Yes, Namaste Bitches. And I find that I'm completely all zen about it. It’s quickly turning into the highlight of my week. But, I am however finding out that I’m like a bull in a china shop. How come the only people that do yoga are 5’2” and wear T-shirts with Chinese characters on them that probably say Beef with broccoli? So it’s me, my buddy Tom and a room full of fit, healthy 19 year olds. None of them sweat…at all…ever. Me, I’m causing a new humid weather pattern to form in the back of the studio. I’m fine really.
Last week, I nearly fell over during “balance work” and three girls on my left screamed and pointed in unison, “Aaaaaaaaah RUN! He’s attacking!” Hence my new Godzilla banner.
Last week, I nearly fell over during “balance work” and three girls on my left screamed and pointed in unison, “Aaaaaaaaah RUN! He’s attacking!” Hence my new Godzilla banner.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
NERD ALERT
I just came across this cool bit of nerd news….
To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the Gundam Mobile suits (has it been 30 years already) a 59-foot-tall “life size” Gundam statue is now standing in Odaiba’s Shiokaze Park in Tokyo.
Who's up for a road trip?
Did I mention that it lights up, has a movable head and mist shoots out of different points on the statue .
And all Denver has is that creepy horse...
To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the Gundam Mobile suits (has it been 30 years already) a 59-foot-tall “life size” Gundam statue is now standing in Odaiba’s Shiokaze Park in Tokyo.
Who's up for a road trip?
Did I mention that it lights up, has a movable head and mist shoots out of different points on the statue .
And all Denver has is that creepy horse...
Monday, June 29, 2009
DENVER PRIDE
Well, well, well you survived another pride weekend. Good for you. Since I had today off we headed down to our meeting place, Dazbog for some Joe, and coffee. Then, back to the air-conditioned spender of the ranch.
Denver’s pride celebration still stands as one of best in the country. Both Saturday and Sunday were amazing down at Civic Center Park. Good food, shirtless guys, and great entertainment. Nina Flowers performed a short but fun bit. Debbie Gibson put on a great show, which I missed it due to being in line for…well beer, and lots of it. It seems that the celebration is moving towards our gay families and the strength we have in each other.
The guys over at the Denver Wrangler once again had a great pride day set up with hot music and cold beer. We headed over there around four, just in time to get our second-wind. The hot music matched an endless supply of hot shirtless guys. There I didn’t have to stand in line for…well beer, due to friendly beer pourers that kept my cup full long after my sunscreen stopped working.
So today is being spent laughing at all the stupid stuff we did and said. That and, not stepping out of air-conditioning.
Here's Nina:
hvsatx947w
Denver’s pride celebration still stands as one of best in the country. Both Saturday and Sunday were amazing down at Civic Center Park. Good food, shirtless guys, and great entertainment. Nina Flowers performed a short but fun bit. Debbie Gibson put on a great show, which I missed it due to being in line for…well beer, and lots of it. It seems that the celebration is moving towards our gay families and the strength we have in each other.
The guys over at the Denver Wrangler once again had a great pride day set up with hot music and cold beer. We headed over there around four, just in time to get our second-wind. The hot music matched an endless supply of hot shirtless guys. There I didn’t have to stand in line for…well beer, due to friendly beer pourers that kept my cup full long after my sunscreen stopped working.
So today is being spent laughing at all the stupid stuff we did and said. That and, not stepping out of air-conditioning.
Here's Nina:
hvsatx947w
Friday, June 26, 2009
40 YEARS AFTER STONEWALL
Are we ready of our Gay Pride celebrations? You’ll be able to find me down at Denver’s Civic Center Park this Saturday and Sunday. I’ll be the shirtless one, wearing cargo shorts with a beer in my hand. Just like everyone else.
When we’re out flirting and cavorting let’s take a moment and remember how and why we’re able to be mostly naked whilst watching a Debbie Gibson performance. That’s the tossed beer bottle heard around the world.
June 28th is the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots. Here are some great articles about this amazing event that shaped our lives. And, as this is June a great Varla Jean Merman video so you can sing along and learn about your history.
So get out there and have some fun to celebrate your history. And by “celebrate” I mean if you see me stumbling around with a funnel cake in one hand and a beer in the other, please take a photo. We all need a good giggle on Monday.
When we’re out flirting and cavorting let’s take a moment and remember how and why we’re able to be mostly naked whilst watching a Debbie Gibson performance. That’s the tossed beer bottle heard around the world.
June 28th is the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots. Here are some great articles about this amazing event that shaped our lives. And, as this is June a great Varla Jean Merman video so you can sing along and learn about your history.
So get out there and have some fun to celebrate your history. And by “celebrate” I mean if you see me stumbling around with a funnel cake in one hand and a beer in the other, please take a photo. We all need a good giggle on Monday.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
A PERFECT MOMENT
Doesn’t it seem today that people can’t have just a perfect moment. That is without Twittering about it. One perfect little bit of life, or one happy moment and suddenly your thinking about how you’re going to phrase it on your tweedy account. The sun rises over the horizon; your lover is in your arms. “Hold on I got to twit this.“
Pondering this whilst on Twitter last night, I started to think about a perfect moment. A single bit of time that was the most perfect. For me that was on the Atlantis Big Gay Cruise in ’08. On the third night they held a huge dance in the converted ice skating rink. Fuzz and I were right in the middle of the shirtless guys thumping away. Within a couple of hours we looked at each other and just knew that we were done and over it.
Somehow we ended up on the pool deck. Since the party was down below the pool was deserted. Cool “chill out" music was in the air to match the cool breeze coming across deck. Without speaking we both stripped down naked and jumped in the pool. Alone on a ship of 5,000 moes we floated naked under the stars listening to the vibes of the airy tunes. a LED light show circling the water.
I really don’t know how long we stayed in that pool. Fuzz would hop into the hot tub and I would swim back and forth feeling the water on my naked body. Funny how a planned night can turn into something completely different; giving you a perfect moment.
Pondering this whilst on Twitter last night, I started to think about a perfect moment. A single bit of time that was the most perfect. For me that was on the Atlantis Big Gay Cruise in ’08. On the third night they held a huge dance in the converted ice skating rink. Fuzz and I were right in the middle of the shirtless guys thumping away. Within a couple of hours we looked at each other and just knew that we were done and over it.
Somehow we ended up on the pool deck. Since the party was down below the pool was deserted. Cool “chill out" music was in the air to match the cool breeze coming across deck. Without speaking we both stripped down naked and jumped in the pool. Alone on a ship of 5,000 moes we floated naked under the stars listening to the vibes of the airy tunes. a LED light show circling the water.
I really don’t know how long we stayed in that pool. Fuzz would hop into the hot tub and I would swim back and forth feeling the water on my naked body. Funny how a planned night can turn into something completely different; giving you a perfect moment.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
NICE TO SEE STEVIEB IN THE FOREST
I have to say I’m pretty outdoorsy. I feel the best way to demonstrate this is by taking a page from LOLCats.
Here’s StevieB of the forest:
My life as it has been lived with dignity.
Here’s StevieB of the forest:
My life as it has been lived with dignity.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Confessions of a Gym Rat
I started to chat with a guy at the gym. We’ve worked out at the same time everyday for about a year now, yet we’ve never exchanged more than an “are you on this bench?”
We quickly realized that we both belonged to the Fudge Packers Union, and then he stated that I didn’t figure I was a Mo. My first thought was, huh…four days a week I walk into the locker room with a cartoon graphic T-shirt, Lucky jeans, flip-flops, and an Atlantis gym bag thrown over my shoulder clicking away on my iPhone. I really couldn’t be more stereotypical. But okay. He on the other hand drives an Audi TT, no heterosexual is really aloud to finance that car, so that should have been my first clue.
Maybe I need to start carrying a scepter on the treadmill as holler out loud “I wanta take a ride on your disco stick..”
_____________
A big shout out to my muscled up home Fuzz...
Three years of trying to figure out "where the hell we're going for dinner tonight."
We quickly realized that we both belonged to the Fudge Packers Union, and then he stated that I didn’t figure I was a Mo. My first thought was, huh…four days a week I walk into the locker room with a cartoon graphic T-shirt, Lucky jeans, flip-flops, and an Atlantis gym bag thrown over my shoulder clicking away on my iPhone. I really couldn’t be more stereotypical. But okay. He on the other hand drives an Audi TT, no heterosexual is really aloud to finance that car, so that should have been my first clue.
Maybe I need to start carrying a scepter on the treadmill as holler out loud “I wanta take a ride on your disco stick..”
_____________
A big shout out to my muscled up home Fuzz...
Three years of trying to figure out "where the hell we're going for dinner tonight."
Monday, June 22, 2009
WEEKEND WRAP UP
On Saturday we went to Eldorado Canyon State Park for a little picnic and some hiking. The dog was very excited to finally get out and enjoy the great weather. Eldorado Canyon is an easy drive up to Boulder and had some great views and trails. We met the gang and did a little hiking.
Over the weekend I found myself in one of those “cocktail situations” where you're are forced to mingle with people you wouldn’t peak to normally. A 50ish woman wearing hideous chunky jewelry asked me:
“If you could meet any historical figure and spend the day with them who would it be?”
I hate these kinds of questions, they don’t care. You just ask questions like this to look deep. Like you’re smart and filled with compassion. Without blinking I said:
“Mazinger Z”
“Oh” she said, cautiously yet still trying to look smart and conservatively compassionate.
“Yes, he’s a Japanese super robot made from a super-alloy named Japanium.”
She just stared down at the dead conversation, murdered and broken on the floor until I walked off.
Over the weekend I found myself in one of those “cocktail situations” where you're are forced to mingle with people you wouldn’t peak to normally. A 50ish woman wearing hideous chunky jewelry asked me:
“If you could meet any historical figure and spend the day with them who would it be?”
I hate these kinds of questions, they don’t care. You just ask questions like this to look deep. Like you’re smart and filled with compassion. Without blinking I said:
“Mazinger Z”
“Oh” she said, cautiously yet still trying to look smart and conservatively compassionate.
“Yes, he’s a Japanese super robot made from a super-alloy named Japanium.”
She just stared down at the dead conversation, murdered and broken on the floor until I walked off.
Friday, June 19, 2009
DEADLY MILITARY INSTALLATIONS
I know you love bizarre and obscure tidbits about the former Soviet Union as much as I do. Sure who doesn’t! But I’m like you; it’s hard to find quality photo essays about rusting, deadly military installations.
Well, I’ve discovered Dark Roasted Blend.com, a site full of amazing crap that will keep you intrigued, at least it did for me. This site has an entire series devoted to the best of Russian…..stuff and things… and stuff.
Want to learn more about Russian Ballistic Missile Carriers here you go, what about Creepy High Voltage Installations well this sites for you.
If the Soviets don’t hold much appeal to you (and I feel sorry for you now) you can cruise over to the retro futuristic series or learn all about the Abandoned 747 Restaurants in the world.
Well, I’ve discovered Dark Roasted Blend.com, a site full of amazing crap that will keep you intrigued, at least it did for me. This site has an entire series devoted to the best of Russian…..stuff and things… and stuff.
Want to learn more about Russian Ballistic Missile Carriers here you go, what about Creepy High Voltage Installations well this sites for you.
If the Soviets don’t hold much appeal to you (and I feel sorry for you now) you can cruise over to the retro futuristic series or learn all about the Abandoned 747 Restaurants in the world.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
FORD TAURUS UPDATE
In my continuing effort to bring you all things Ford Taurususzie, here’s an article from MSNBC.com’s contributor Dan Carney:
I know you want to start camping out in front of your local Ford Dealer but, the Taurus release date still shows as “July 2009” bummer hu? But soon my precious, soon.
Mainstream Ford Taurus Gets Tech InfusionHere's some sexy images of your favorite car....
Traditionally, all of the really cool, cutting-edge gadgets and gizmos have been reserved for the most expensive cars, putting such technology out of the reach of mortals (unless we worked valet parking cars when we were in school).
With the introduction of the 2010 Ford Taurus, a raft of contemporary technology becomes available in a mainstream car that sells for a price many new car buyers expect to pay — in this case $26,000 to $32,000. “This kind of technology starts out expensive and generally filters down,” said Stephanie Brinley, a senior manager for market researcher Auto Pacific. The Taurus marks the beginning of that process for many of these features. See the entire article…
I know you want to start camping out in front of your local Ford Dealer but, the Taurus release date still shows as “July 2009” bummer hu? But soon my precious, soon.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
MISSED, MISSED CONNECTIONS
It's time once again for Missed Missed-Connections from Craigslist. Oh, the human drama.
You do know you’re trying to pick up a guy at Kentucky Fried Chicken, with his wife and kids right? Just checking.
Okay, soooo your posting a missed connection for the Jehovah Witness that knocked at your door trying to get you to turn your life over to Jehovah or God, or Yahveh, whatever the kids calling the big kahuna these days? At least you didn’t cruise him right in front of his niece. Like Mr. Creepy KFC did. Snaps.
Is this some sort euphemism I don’t know? Yet. I'm really hoping this didn't happen at the zoo.
Texas Tech Cap, Unshaven - m4m - 46 (KFC- Littleton-
Kippling & Bowles)
you were there on Sunday with wife and two little ones. I c hecked out your crotch then u checked out mine. Want to get together?
You do know you’re trying to pick up a guy at Kentucky Fried Chicken, with his wife and kids right? Just checking.
bible guy with niece. this morning - m4m - 34 (west denver)
you came by my place today with your niece promoting a bible event ..
me: black guy . no shirt . in pajamas
you: white guy . tall . suit .
good-looking . shy really would like to connect with you on a more personal level . think u were interested but had niece with u hope to hear from u very soon
Okay, soooo your posting a missed connection for the Jehovah Witness that knocked at your door trying to get you to turn your life over to Jehovah or God, or Yahveh, whatever the kids calling the big kahuna these days? At least you didn’t cruise him right in front of his niece. Like Mr. Creepy KFC did. Snaps.
the walrus in boulder - m4m - 21 (boulder)
you taught me how to do the ring game and then played you in foose-ball. you were really hot, hope you see this!
Is this some sort euphemism I don’t know? Yet. I'm really hoping this didn't happen at the zoo.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
RENT - The Gay Agenda
We went to see RENT last Saturday afternoon. I know it sounds crazy but I had not seen it before so I kind of had to go or lose my contract as a fudge packer. I always prefer going to a matinee, if it’s a movie or a show, It’s just less of a chance I’ll fall asleep. That, and you have plenty of time to go to Hamburger Mary’s afterwards to watch the gay flag football team get drunk after another triumphant win.
The show was good; there were a couple of original Broadway cast members and the set was well done. Since I have heard the music for years I knew every song. In fact, years ago Dalton and I took a road trip to Santa Fe when we first started getting serious; I decided to play the soundtrack, especially the Santa Fe song the entire way there and back. And yet, he foolishly continued to date me.
So, now I can check yet another “The Gay Agenda- Things to do” task off of the list. Next on the list is cruising the gay New York pier wearing flip-flops and plaid shorts. Who’s with me?
The show was good; there were a couple of original Broadway cast members and the set was well done. Since I have heard the music for years I knew every song. In fact, years ago Dalton and I took a road trip to Santa Fe when we first started getting serious; I decided to play the soundtrack, especially the Santa Fe song the entire way there and back. And yet, he foolishly continued to date me.
So, now I can check yet another “The Gay Agenda- Things to do” task off of the list. Next on the list is cruising the gay New York pier wearing flip-flops and plaid shorts. Who’s with me?
Monday, June 15, 2009
RICK RUBIN
I guess my little monkey brain decided to not shut off last night,as I did not sleep a wink. You know the nights, when you lay there staring at the ceiling listening to the Shar-pei have puppy dreams. Around 2:45AM my thoughts turned to Rick Rubin.
Rick Rubin was my first real, out of high school boyfriend. Among other things like fellatio, he taught me how to drive a stick shift (load your pun here) in his 1990 Ford Ranger. I shortened the life of his clutch, but he smiled the entire time. So, I’d like to somewhat publicly thank Rick Rubin for teaching me how to hill start, that and he perfectly flavored my taste for the non-gentile kind of man love.
I would have not remembered this sleepless, middle of the night pondering was it not for the commute this morning. In my pre-coffee drive in to the parking garage I thought I was in gear and rolled into the parking garage gate. Oy.
____________________________
UPDATE:
If you Google Rick Rubin, you'll get a huge bearded guy from the music industry. Please note that this is not the non-Christmas tree buying gentleman that taught me how to "handle a stick."
Rick Rubin was my first real, out of high school boyfriend. Among other things like fellatio, he taught me how to drive a stick shift (load your pun here) in his 1990 Ford Ranger. I shortened the life of his clutch, but he smiled the entire time. So, I’d like to somewhat publicly thank Rick Rubin for teaching me how to hill start, that and he perfectly flavored my taste for the non-gentile kind of man love.
I would have not remembered this sleepless, middle of the night pondering was it not for the commute this morning. In my pre-coffee drive in to the parking garage I thought I was in gear and rolled into the parking garage gate. Oy.
____________________________
UPDATE:
If you Google Rick Rubin, you'll get a huge bearded guy from the music industry. Please note that this is not the non-Christmas tree buying gentleman that taught me how to "handle a stick."
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
MUSCLE WORSHIP
My new favorite blog: muscle-worship.blogspot.com
It’s NSFW, in case the name didn’t send up a flag. I’m also following it on twitter; I need to get updates of muscle gods when I’m on the treadmill. It’s “motivational.”
------
Jerrod bought us tickets to go see Rent on Saturday. Just when you thought I was getting too gay, with the whole Ikea-Snarky-Pridefest posts, now I’m going to see Rent. Uh…don’t tell anyone, but…I’ve never seen Rent. The movie or the Musical, I did however, get the score stuck in my head for all of ‘03
Enjoy the muscle site….
It’s NSFW, in case the name didn’t send up a flag. I’m also following it on twitter; I need to get updates of muscle gods when I’m on the treadmill. It’s “motivational.”
------
Jerrod bought us tickets to go see Rent on Saturday. Just when you thought I was getting too gay, with the whole Ikea-Snarky-Pridefest posts, now I’m going to see Rent. Uh…don’t tell anyone, but…I’ve never seen Rent. The movie or the Musical, I did however, get the score stuck in my head for all of ‘03
Enjoy the muscle site….
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
EVEN WITH A BABY
It was 6:30 AM, I’m sorry but I couldn’t work my Instamatic. If I could, I would have snapped a picture of a SUV at the gas station this morning.
It’s the second week of June and the high school graduations have died down. You’re seeing a lot less of the white shoe polish signs of “congrats grads” badly written on back windows of cars. Uhm…. “congradulations” What’s that? I know I’m really not the one to challenge other people’s grammar. But I don’t do it on automobiles. I mangle the English language on a blog. Like you’re supposed to.
So, picture it, the Kum and Go at Six this morning, and yes it’s called Kum and Go. If you want a T-shirt, let me know. I’m staggering out to the Jeep with a Diet Coke in one hand and a chocolate doughnut in the other. I look up and see a SUV with one of these terms of shoe polish endearment. It stated:
Passive aggressive? And yes, it was "Tiffy". Damn it! I couldn’t work my camera. I wasn’t about to drop my doughnut.
It’s the second week of June and the high school graduations have died down. You’re seeing a lot less of the white shoe polish signs of “congrats grads” badly written on back windows of cars. Uhm…. “congradulations” What’s that? I know I’m really not the one to challenge other people’s grammar. But I don’t do it on automobiles. I mangle the English language on a blog. Like you’re supposed to.
So, picture it, the Kum and Go at Six this morning, and yes it’s called Kum and Go. If you want a T-shirt, let me know. I’m staggering out to the Jeep with a Diet Coke in one hand and a chocolate doughnut in the other. I look up and see a SUV with one of these terms of shoe polish endearment. It stated:
“Way to go Tiffy! You made it!!!
Even with a baby!”
Passive aggressive? And yes, it was "Tiffy". Damn it! I couldn’t work my camera. I wasn’t about to drop my doughnut.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Pridefest Denver 2009
The gay pride celebration in Denver will be June 27th and 28th. It soon will be time to get out your rainbow striped oven mitts and afro wigs to celebrate. Rainbow striped bunting will quickly festoon the city. The city’s homeless soon forced to wear brightly colored suspenders as they piss on the downtown sidewalks.
I would like to take this moment to suggest that maybe the gay flag is a little …uh…dated. It’s a little garish in its bright stripes. How about we go for more of an earth tone? Maybe sand and cinnamon? Oh, sorry that’s the bear flag isn’t it? If that happened you couldn’t tell a twink from a bear. Other than how many web domains they run.
The Theme (we love a theme) for Pridefest is “Worldwide Pride….Connect the Dots!” Fun. As part of the theme, they are cross promoting with Prides around the world. Denver’s current partner is Baguio in the Philippines. Super fun! As the ultimate event on the main stage on Sunday the 28th is Deborah Gibson! Yep, Debbie Gibson. Super-Duper fun!
The last time I had a run in with Debbie as on the last super gay Atlantis cruise. I was all excited to see her, but she was a no show. Apparently, she didn’t care if she broke my fragile heart and canceled at the last minute. My tears are dry now, but I’ve been hurt. I’m thinking I’m gonna miss the Debboganza. Go ahead, I’m fine.
Well, you have 18 days to go buy a new pair of hot pants and that Madonna cowboy hat. Just this morning I sent an email to my boss requesting Monday the 29th off, due to my tan being uneven.
I would like to take this moment to suggest that maybe the gay flag is a little …uh…dated. It’s a little garish in its bright stripes. How about we go for more of an earth tone? Maybe sand and cinnamon? Oh, sorry that’s the bear flag isn’t it? If that happened you couldn’t tell a twink from a bear. Other than how many web domains they run.
The Theme (we love a theme) for Pridefest is “Worldwide Pride….Connect the Dots!” Fun. As part of the theme, they are cross promoting with Prides around the world. Denver’s current partner is Baguio in the Philippines. Super fun! As the ultimate event on the main stage on Sunday the 28th is Deborah Gibson! Yep, Debbie Gibson. Super-Duper fun!
The last time I had a run in with Debbie as on the last super gay Atlantis cruise. I was all excited to see her, but she was a no show. Apparently, she didn’t care if she broke my fragile heart and canceled at the last minute. My tears are dry now, but I’ve been hurt. I’m thinking I’m gonna miss the Debboganza. Go ahead, I’m fine.
Well, you have 18 days to go buy a new pair of hot pants and that Madonna cowboy hat. Just this morning I sent an email to my boss requesting Monday the 29th off, due to my tan being uneven.
Monday, June 8, 2009
MONDAY
Ah, Monday. The time when you look back and wonder what the hell happened your weekend. Saturday we went to Cheesemen Park to layout. I have not laid out in Cheesemen since the Clinton administration. Soft and quite we laid in the grass. Becoming in tune with the park, and our relationship. Me clicking away on Twitter. “Look! I’m in the park. Hey, it’s me! I’m interesting! Hey guess what? I’m in the park getting a sun tan.” So, I think I’m officially done with twitter.
On Sunday Fuzzy and I went to Boulder for lunch. As we drove back we started to see all these nut-jobs on the side of the road pointing and snapping pictures towards the sky. Quickly we realized that the nut-jobs were staring at a huge tornado behind us. Here’s when we acted like nut jobs, although we waited to pull over until we were a little farther away.
We ended up at Beer bust at the Wrangler, Chair was there. He says “hi.”
I've decided to start my Monday by getting a massive stomach ache. I don’t know why, here’s what I had for dinner last night:
Happy Monday.
On Sunday Fuzzy and I went to Boulder for lunch. As we drove back we started to see all these nut-jobs on the side of the road pointing and snapping pictures towards the sky. Quickly we realized that the nut-jobs were staring at a huge tornado behind us. Here’s when we acted like nut jobs, although we waited to pull over until we were a little farther away.
We ended up at Beer bust at the Wrangler, Chair was there. He says “hi.”
I've decided to start my Monday by getting a massive stomach ache. I don’t know why, here’s what I had for dinner last night:
Happy Monday.
Friday, June 5, 2009
IKEA COMING TO DENVER
What happened to IKEA coming to Denver, Colorado? The only information I can find on the interwebs is the same new items from back in March ‘08.
Remember being excited that IKEA was finally coming to class up this jerk water town? There is no new information other than this. So, still we sits and waits. Can you imagine living without an IKEA? The pain of driving to Provo, UT or Dallas, TX just for fabulous things.
I need answers! I need a new duvet.
Remember being excited that IKEA was finally coming to class up this jerk water town? There is no new information other than this. So, still we sits and waits. Can you imagine living without an IKEA? The pain of driving to Provo, UT or Dallas, TX just for fabulous things.
I need answers! I need a new duvet.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
SNARKY
I just got a call from BFF Frank; first thing out of the phone was “Are you alright? It’s 8:30 and you haven’t blogged?” Funny. We are however, getting close to my one year anniversary of daily blogging. Sad, one year of my bad grammar, mispellinz, and rambling on about how my muscle hunk partner barely puts up with me.
Speaking of which, as of yesterday Fuzzy has now banned me from saying the word “Snarky.” His statement being precisely:
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
So now I have to go into the bathroom and say snarky all by myself. “I can be snarky all by myself; I don’t need anyone or anything to be snarky. Just me, and an ashtray. And a paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And a remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And matches. The ashtray, and matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And a lamp. The ashtray, a paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing. The paddle game, and a chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, a magazine and the chair. I don’t need anything else. I can be snarky on my own. I’ll show him. I’ll show the world.
Speaking of which, as of yesterday Fuzzy has now banned me from saying the word “Snarky.” His statement being precisely:
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
So now I have to go into the bathroom and say snarky all by myself. “I can be snarky all by myself; I don’t need anyone or anything to be snarky. Just me, and an ashtray. And a paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And a remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And matches. The ashtray, and matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And a lamp. The ashtray, a paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing. The paddle game, and a chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, a magazine and the chair. I don’t need anything else. I can be snarky on my own. I’ll show him. I’ll show the world.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Another scene from the fridge
Last night Fuzzy was digging through the freezer looking for something to cook for dinner.
This was the third time he’s inquired about the health of my frozen cheesecake left-over from thanksgiving. It was the first time I’ve ever made cheesecake, no one ate it. I have no real intention of eating it. But, I made it. My first cheesecake. It’s like a frostbitten and shunned token of my victory over the stove.
“Nope. Just like last time, no. I’m sorry it’s taking up room in your Frigidaire. I’m sorry but that over-grown frozen hockey puck will be there until the end of all time. When the world ends, the only things left will be….Cher, cockroaches, and this fridge with my cheesecake still left inside. When Cher staggers out from the rubble of her Malibu home completely unharmed due to all of her plastic parts, she will wander into an earth scorched by flame. She maybe the last, well maybe the only somewhat human left to start over.
She’ll start her journey to Boulder, Co. since she saw The Stand and thinks she must come to Boulder to plant humanities new seed. Upon the last hill she’ll collapse to the ground with hunger. Still needing to nourish her un-plastic, still human parts. This is when she’ll catch a glimmer of our burnt out well appointed home with this fridge still in its place. As she cracks it open she’ll find this very cheesecake. Dropped to her knees, she’ll scream to the heavens:
“Uh, you probably think too much about Cher.” Fuzz said pulling out steaks.
“Can I throw away this frozen cheesecake?”
This was the third time he’s inquired about the health of my frozen cheesecake left-over from thanksgiving. It was the first time I’ve ever made cheesecake, no one ate it. I have no real intention of eating it. But, I made it. My first cheesecake. It’s like a frostbitten and shunned token of my victory over the stove.
“Nope. Just like last time, no. I’m sorry it’s taking up room in your Frigidaire. I’m sorry but that over-grown frozen hockey puck will be there until the end of all time. When the world ends, the only things left will be….Cher, cockroaches, and this fridge with my cheesecake still left inside. When Cher staggers out from the rubble of her Malibu home completely unharmed due to all of her plastic parts, she will wander into an earth scorched by flame. She maybe the last, well maybe the only somewhat human left to start over.
She’ll start her journey to Boulder, Co. since she saw The Stand and thinks she must come to Boulder to plant humanities new seed. Upon the last hill she’ll collapse to the ground with hunger. Still needing to nourish her un-plastic, still human parts. This is when she’ll catch a glimmer of our burnt out well appointed home with this fridge still in its place. As she cracks it open she’ll find this very cheesecake. Dropped to her knees, she’ll scream to the heavens:
“Thank you! Thank you to the obvious Homosexuals that left this manna, this food of the gods to save the human race!”
“Uh, you probably think too much about Cher.” Fuzz said pulling out steaks.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
ON THE OTHER HAND I'M NOT A COKEHEAD
What I said at a party this weekend:
Funny how just a word will change the perceptions of people around you. But, on the other hand we are hosting a big Crystal party this coming up weekend. We’ll have grape and lemonade crystal. Yummo.
“We’ve stopped buying Coke altogether, we just don’t have a taste for it any more. We’ve switched to Crystal Light. It’s amazing stuff.“What was overheard at a party this weekend:
“We’ve stopped buying coke altogether, we just don’t have a taste for it any more. We’ve switched to crystal meth. It’s amazing stuff. “
Funny how just a word will change the perceptions of people around you. But, on the other hand we are hosting a big Crystal party this coming up weekend. We’ll have grape and lemonade crystal. Yummo.
Monday, June 1, 2009
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