Monday, August 10, 2009

St. Steven's Day


August 10th is called "St Steven's Day", the "feast of Steven" of the muscle-gay day and is the Patron Saint for Bloggers, the Banana Republic men’s section, and home décor stores. It is a public holiday in many retail home stores that were historically full of snarky gym bunnies seeking high value, low cost bath and bedroom accessories.

Saint Steven (Koine Greek: Στέφανος, Stephanos), known as the Protomartyr of Christianity, is venerated as a saint of upscale malls and most local Bed, Bath, and Beyond stores. Steven means "toilet-cover" or "crown" in Greek. He was one of the first in the early Church to bear the title Archdeacon.

MARTYRDOM
Stephen was tried by a group of really mean bitches (who we hate anyway) for blasphemy against the ending the popularity of wearing cargo shorts (Acts 6:11) and speaking against the wearing of really huge sunglasses (Acts 6:13-14) (see also Antinomianism). He was flip-flopped to death (c. A.D. 34–35) by an infuriated gay mob encouraged by some nelly girl (who didn't look good in cargo shorts) after buying six pairs of plaid Express for Men golf shorts.

Steven's final speech was presented as accusing muscle heads of persecuting other muscled up gays who spoke out against their roids.

9 comments:

Kelly said...

You are too funny!!!

Howard said...

I have nothing catty to say! This was brilliant!

John said...

you are amazing!


**and damn cute.

Damien NZ said...

You have to stop being so gosh darn cute (and funny).

Otherwise a kidnapping could be in your future.

Again - love the blog mate.

Damien

The Mutant said...

I'm not really big on religious holidays, unless they somehow manage to tie together flip-flops, bathroom accessories, oversized sunglasses and cargo shorts.

I think I may have found my religion - where do I send my cheque?

SharkBoy said...

I'm gonna petition our office to get this day off every year from now on.

bigislandjeepguy said...

how do you think these things up? : )

Nik_TheGreek said...

I just came across your blog and I have to say, you got yourself a new stalker (follower)...
Thanks for all the posts

However, I don't want to be a spoil sport but isn't it St Steven's Day on the 27th of December? :-p

Wonder Man said...

You are crazy